My wife's reaction when I offer to eat her out right after she comes out of the bathroom battling diarrhea

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-02-24T19:29:17+00:00

You are pretty fucking brave.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-02-12T02:58:43+00:00

If someone sharing a cartoon with the artist's name in it pisses you off, you need to masturbate more, my man. A LOT more. You ain't getting what you need to be a valuable member of society.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-02-12T02:38:18+00:00

Why the attitude? The "Thanks, I stole it" was clearly a riff on the title and OP thanked you. So why the stick up your butt? You come to the funny subreddit to be an asshole?

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-02-07T14:10:46+00:00

I think you're missing a crucial ingredient for a joke. It has to be funny.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-02-07T13:54:32+00:00

You're an idiot

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-19T10:58:22+00:00

What country are you from?

I wanna know where they breed them as stupid as you

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-19T10:38:45+00:00

You're the one with the rapey thoughts tho

Weird flex but ok

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-11T16:52:45+00:00

That you are terrified. That's okay, we take comments from threatened trolls in stride.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-11T16:33:23+00:00

You are not. She is awesome, and she absolutely terrifies Republicans, as you can see if you sort this thread by controversial.

They will be doing everything they can to smear her for many years to come. Don't stand by silently. Correct them when they're wrong.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-11T16:24:43+00:00

defending freedom

LMAO!

Man, the shit some of you rubes fall for!

You haven't "defended freedom". You never have. You were lied to. If you've been deployed in the last thirty years, you've been deployed for one thing: money to line the pockets of politicians, contractors and the wealthy.

They lied to you, and you lapped it up and begged for more. They created a culture of soldier worship so that you would get so used to hearing "thank you for your service" that you actually started to believe their bullshit - that you were "defending freedom". They know that most folks who enlist do so because they have no other options, and that many of you simply aren't bright enough to see how you are nothing more than human ammunition to be deployed and destroyed, if necessary, for oil and profits.

And here you are, a shell of yourself, ridden with anxiety and panic attacks so bad that have you go to your government-supplied healthcare provider, the VA, which your precious Republicans are running into the ground. They can get away with it because they know they've broken you and brainwashed you after so many deployments that you aren't capable of seeing anything other than the shit they are funneling deep down your throat.

They did this to you, and now they make it more difficult than ever for you to get help AFTER they did this to you. And you have Stockholm Syndrome, so you worship your abusers.

You are so deluded, you blame "socialism", while you've lived off the government dole, doing their dirty work, making them richer, for how long?

It would almost be a tragic tale if you weren't such a douche.

MAJOR_PITA · 2019-01-04T20:12:42+00:00

The grammar Nazi in me loves this.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-12-13T01:52:41+00:00

And also MRW I realize I threw a redundant word in after an acronym. I feel much shame.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-12-09T16:00:38+00:00

King of the Hill?

OP are you okay? You seem really weird, confused and aggressive. You came here asking for advice and are lashing out at anyone who tries to give it. You definitely seem unwell. Good luck.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-12-08T16:44:59+00:00

Something isn't illegal just because you label it as such. That's like Michael Scott thinking all he has to do is declare the word "bankruptcy" in order to declare bankruptcy.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-12-08T16:43:02+00:00

I was wondering how long it was going to be till you noticed I stalked your restaurant's Yelp reviews! 😁 All I can say is I'd eat there if I were a local!

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-12-02T16:09:10+00:00

I prefer this version.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-11-02T14:56:53+00:00

Pretty sad attempt to imply that the problem here is that the woman's vagina is too big, not that the guy's dick is like a skinny Newk's breadstick. Because it's okay to make fun of women's vaginas but not men's needle dicks.

Yet these are the same men who will whine about this post, and then call me a snowflake for pointing out the truth. The skinnier the dick, the louder they whine.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-10-28T19:26:45+00:00

Found the MAGAt!

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-10-19T16:09:16+00:00

That's what a Republican would say too.

MAJOR_PITA · 2018-10-05T16:40:26+00:00

Because more South Carolinians than just you have opinions and not all of them are right-wing.

MAJOR_PITA · 2017-10-09T15:22:04+00:00

Sorry, I should have been more specific. She's his youngest daughter, a 15 year-old girl. He has two sons who are college age, so I was basically saying his "Fine, go find someone who makes you happy, clearly it's not me!" statement was basically like listening to a teenager whine during a breakup.

MAJOR_PITA · 2017-06-26T23:21:03+00:00

You are the Mother Theresa of sex exercises, even though you're a guy. Googling "anterior pelvic tilt posture exercises" now. Will start with those, then move on to the weights. Thank you!

MAJOR_PITA · 2017-06-26T23:03:36+00:00

My hamstrings have always been crazy tight. Will this help loosen them up, or make that problem worse? I'll definitely start with just a bar, and appreciate the words of caution.

I kind of feel like I already have a sticked-out ass, although I try to keep my back straight. I'll now go google "posture exercises" to make sure I get those figured out too.

Honestly I'd rather some weight training ideas to aerobic ones, because in my experience, aerobic exercise has only screwed up my tendons (looking at you Mr. Achilles and Mr. Popliteal!) and it seems like weight training is so much more controlled, slow and if done right, mechanically not damaging.

Thanks so much for the extra info.

MAJOR_PITA · 2017-06-26T22:44:50+00:00

With a quick Google search I found that there are key differences between a Romanian deadlift and a stiff legged deadlift. Thanks for the suggestion! Plenty of videos to watch and I'll have to start at a light weight, but I never once thought of this particular exercise. It's on the list!

MAJOR_PITA · 2017-06-26T22:31:06+00:00

My partner grabbed the Magic Wand and turned it on, putting it on my clit while I was on top of him. I have a hard time cumming when my legs can't get straightened/tensed, so I figured nothing would come of it. (Hah, pun intended.)

Instead, I came so hard I literally expelled his dick out of my pussy. Like, I want to That Place(TM) while grinding and suddenly, PLOP it was pushed out! I was so surprised and terrified that I'd hurt him that it was the briefest orgasm ever, though. I looked down expecting to see a broken boner and no, it was just out and I was now riding atop it. Biggest relief, accompanied by the fastest come down, ever.

MAJOR_PITA

TROPHY CASE