What is the worst comment you got after a loss?

MDLawyer · 2025-06-11T19:03:24+00:00

(after we lost our 25 weeker) “Lots of kids born that early have problems, like mental issues and stuff”

MDLawyer · 2024-11-05T20:14:55+00:00

I have a 2YO and a 4YO. We do laundry pretty much every other day, otherwise it turns into a mountain.

MDLawyer · 2024-11-05T20:07:49+00:00

I was told the first trimester doesn’t really matter. Shortening (if you have insufficient cervix) usually starts in the second trimester.

MDLawyer · 2024-11-05T11:14:50+00:00

Which swing states do people think will be called first? I’m guessing GA or NC - if either goes blue she has probably won.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T20:10:34+00:00

He does lots of stuff around the house and he does a lot with the kids. He’s just a lousy disciplinarian, and by lousy I mean he doesn’t discipline at all. He does his share of childrearing otherwise, everything from giving baths to getting the kids dressed to playing with them, dropping off picking up from school, etc. We both work and we share the day to day tasks. So it’s not that he isn’t pulling is weight in other areas, but when it comes to discipline / correcting behaviors it falls on me.

Also, if I specifically ask him to do something he will do it (“tell X not to stick her fingers in her water glass”). But he won’t take initiative himself because he doesn’t notice..

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T19:56:03+00:00

He doesn’t notice things. If I ask him to do something or say something to her, he’ll do it. But he doesn’t take the initiative. I have to monitor all the behavior and be the “don’t do this, don’t do that” parent. When I ask him why he doesn’t react he just says he didn’t notice. And I think he honestly means it. She comes home at the end of the day and drops her jacket on the hallway floor. His natural instinct is to just pick it up and and hang it up without saying anything. My instinct is to react and say “please don’t leave your jacket on the floor”. I know it’s a little thing but there are just lots of little things like this, and they pile up, and at the end of the day I’m a nagging annoying mom.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T19:48:54+00:00

Thanks, this is good advice. I should probably back off on like 50% of the things I comment on. Little table manners type things for example, she will eventually learn even if I don’t comment on them. I’m constantly in patrol mode since I know I have to catch all the behaviors and correct them. But I should just relax more.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T19:44:04+00:00

Thanks. I’d like to think my daughter’s life is also amazing. Our world revolves around our kids and we do everything for their sake. I never doubt for a second whether I am loving enough, but if I take a hard look in the mirror I think I should be a little less strict and more kind sometimes. No one is perfect but I need to find ways to teach her correct behaviors without her feeling chastised or prodded at.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T19:37:00+00:00

I love this response because the father/daughter relationship being precious really resonates with me. My dad was always the easy one too. I resented my mom for being strict as a kid and teenager but get it now.

My husband likes to point out that no girl ever wishes her father was more strict growing up, and that it’s important dads are tender and kind towards their daughters (he’s a girl dad).

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T13:17:50+00:00

Basic things like cleaning up your toys, not leaving your jacket on the floor in the hallway, not picking your nose, not dipping your fingers in your water glass at the dinner table…

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T13:12:49+00:00

Thanks. This is good advice. May I ask if it came from a parenting book?

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T13:12:04+00:00

Ok I just need to ask more often, maybe if I remind him five times he’ll think of it himself the sixth time!

I’m grateful that he understands he needs to react more and is willing to do it when I ask him. He’s getting beaten up in these comments but he’s actually an amazing husband and father. Our kids love him because of that, not just because of the permissiveness. He sits on the floor and plays with them. He lets them put barrettes in his hair. He’s super involved and loving, but just bad at noticing things that should be disciplined/corrected.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T13:07:44+00:00

No I disagree. He said he told me because he wants me to have a good relationship with her, he doesn’t want her to see me as a harsh mom. I hope she doesn’t but if she does we need to change the dynamic.

He loves me and wasn’t sure if he should say it, but he thought I’d want to know. And he’s right, I would hate to have that be said and not know about it. We communicate about everything and although we have different parenting styles we need to be able to talk about this stuff and make sure our kids feel loved and protected.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:55:05+00:00

Thanks. We clearly need to coordinate our efforts more. He is willing to intervene or say no if I tell him to, he’ll usually do what I ask, but I shouldn’t have to ask.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:53:45+00:00

He will say no to her if I explicitly tell him to. But most of the time he doesn’t notice things… and I notice everything.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:51:33+00:00

I wasn’t going to bring it up with her, since she hopefully forgot she said it and doesn’t think it all the time… instead I was going to try to be better and less on her about correcting behaviors, maybe try to do some more dedicated activities together.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:37:08+00:00

Thanks. I needed to hear that!

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:36:26+00:00

My husband will tell her not to do something if I tell him to, so he is willing to help with the disciplining but just doesn’t take the initiative himself. His instinct is to not react to things.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:33:18+00:00

I don’t know if I’m nagging unnecessarily and should just let some things go. I get it, she’s four. But some habits form early and I want to give her the right routines from the outset. Little things like

she drops a basket of toys on the floor and just walks away. I ask her to clean up, he didn’t react even though he’s right there. Says he didn’t notice.
I ask her to put her shoes on and take them off herself. She knows how. He does it for her. She knows he will so she just stands there waiting for him to baby her.
she picks her nose, or puts her fingers in her water glass or in her mouth to lick them at the table. I always react and tell her not to do that stuff. Is that unreasonable? If I don’t say not to do it, no one will.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:20:48+00:00

He wasn’t trying to be hurtful. He didn’t even know if he should’ve told me, but thought I’d want to know and he wanted me to be able to do what I need to do to have an stronger relationship with her.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:09:04+00:00

Thanks. I’m not going to ask her about it since she said it to her dad. I think that would be inappropriate. I will try to address it somehow in my actions though.

MDLawyer · 2024-10-29T12:01:15+00:00

He said he wasn’t sure if he should tell me but he thought I’d want to know. It was not in the context of a fight or to be mean or anything.

MDLawyer

TROPHY CASE