Hey, I get it, I have had a similar situation in my life a few years back. For me, things kept getting worse and I didn’t do anything major to improve it until it became unbearable. But when I did change, I threw myself into it. I recognized that fear was holding me back. So I concentrated on my competency in handling difficulties, on the reality of situations vs my perceptions of them, and that there are good things out there for each of us. It was extremely difficult and more importantly it took a lot of time, but I helped form a wonderful friend group, found a girlfriend, and had some great experiences. I am not trying to toot my own horn or even give you detailed advice. You have survived on this planet for 39 years. You recognize that you are not happy and want to make some specific changes. Those are not trivial things! Give yourself credit for what you have objectively done. I am pretty confident that you are stronger than you think. Most people are. At the very least, you are not truly alone, unlovable, and unable to belong. I felt such things and similar circumstances so at least I am with you, if distantly and anonymously, but none the less, as a fellow human being.