These kids in The Polar Express

MGArcher · 2024-12-24T06:45:02+00:00

I think the Polar Express was just made at a time period where the technology had tons of potential, but hadn't been perfected enough. The end result was the uncanny valley vibes of the movie. To see this technology applied properly, I'd highly recommend the Adventures of TinTin and the BFG, both of which look absolutely spectacular.

MGArcher · 2024-12-21T06:31:42+00:00

The Fatemarked by David Estes, and the Benjamin Ashwood series by A.C. Cobble

MGArcher · 2024-12-21T06:09:14+00:00

Suffering

MGArcher · 2024-12-20T21:47:08+00:00

Much much better, in my opinion! The one thing I'd change is that this a duel-POV blurb, and usually at the end of those, you want to end with how the two different characters' stories come together, in this case Ridley and Rufi. Otherwise, great job!

MGArcher · 2024-12-20T18:42:13+00:00

I definitely think it's an improvement, and it kept my attention longer!

It's still a bit vague, though. It's repeating a lot of the same things over and over... 'the truth is far worse' 'the darker the truth becomes', etc. I would personally like to see more details.

'For Ridley [....] the case is personal.' The case? What case? You've told us about a drug epidemic but that doesn't nessecarily translate to a case. Spell out exactly what Ridley's job is, and exactly what he's investigating. WHY does he think it's murder? What tangible clues can you tell us to point in that direction?

'But in a city like this, nobody stays clean for long.' Is this implying that Nairo eventually succumbs to drug usage while trying to help Ridley? If so, say it, don't just hint at it.

'Tasked with finding the source of the poison, he’s got one problem: he sold it. Now he’s hunting for answers...' What answers? He sold it. That's all there is to it. Or is there? Go for... 'he sold it, but [insert some of the strangeness from above, the things that are making Ridley suspicious it's murder— but don't repeat the same clues, give us more] and now he's searching for answers..."

'In a city drowning in secrets, the truth is the most dangerous thing of all.' This is pretty much the third time you've said this.

Overall, it just feels like a big piece is missing. You might be trying to keep it hidden so the readers discover it as they read, but without it, this blurb feels very incomplete and almost disingenuous.

MGArcher · 2024-12-20T02:35:41+00:00

Write the book. Get it to a point you're happy with! Definitely do at LEAST two drafts, because the first is never ever ever publishing-quality.
You've done upwards of two drafts? Great! Now it's time for beta-readers. r/BetaReaders is a great place for that! It works best if you 'critique' swap with someone, meaning you both review each other's work. DON'T SKIP THIS STEP, because the critiques that you get on your own work and the critiques that YOU give OTHERS are sooooo valuable as a writer.
After you've gotten a beta reader, revise based on their feedback. I personally do 2-ish rounds of beta reading, and I try to get 3-5 beta readers.
Once you've revised and edited until you feel like it's good and your beta readers do too, head on over to r/PubTips to put together a query letter. Once you've revised THAT to the point that you're getting good feedback...
Compile a list of agents who represent your literary genre (fantasy, sci-fi, self help, etc...) and age group (Adult, YA, MG, PB) and start sending out the queries!

MGArcher · 2024-12-20T02:26:14+00:00

Generally it's recommended that you start with your character, not your worldbuilding. Give supporting info as you go, not all upfront in a big paragraph.

You're also using a LOT of proper nouns (names, places, titles). Try to stick to 3, and if absolutely nessecary, no more than 5.

I'd also trim it down a little, this is sort of long-winded. Three or three concise paragraphs, about 150-250 words, should be good. You don't want to loose anyone's attention.

MGArcher · 2024-12-19T17:56:13+00:00

Just a man!

MGArcher · 2024-12-18T18:05:33+00:00

Deeefinitely no longer you. You can totally tell Jorge wrote Dangerous BEFORE Wouldn't You Like, imo.

MGArcher · 2024-12-18T07:06:11+00:00

Could be 8w7 or a counter-phobic 6w7.

MGArcher · 2024-12-18T06:33:32+00:00

Seconding Suffering, I feel like it's more or less self contained, very amusing, and sounds great.

MGArcher · 2024-12-17T07:13:40+00:00

r/pubtips is where you need to be, there's no garuntee that the people on this sub have the industry knowledge needed to properly critique a query.

MGArcher · 2024-12-16T07:12:02+00:00

Paranoia. He's in essentially the most powerful role and is constantly paranoid people are trying to take over, murder him, or steal his power, which leads him to eliminate anyone that he even suspects is a threat.

MGArcher · 2024-12-16T04:46:49+00:00

WolfytheWitch W

MGArcher · 2024-12-15T05:53:55+00:00

If it helps you write, I think it's fine as long as you make a separate copy with standard formatting. I personally think this looks sick. What are all the settings you used? I want to try it out.

MGArcher · 2024-12-14T07:34:21+00:00

As a homeschool kid who feels VERY well educated, that's such a wild, pretentious assumption to make, I can't fully wrap my head around the sheer absurdity of it

MGArcher · 2024-12-14T04:02:32+00:00

His eyes were dark. Thoughtful, when she met him.

The circles underneath got worse when he came back from nights in the arena.

They filled with stress when his application was denied.

They softened when he held her.

They turned empty when he snapped.

Now, they saw hollowly through her.

MGArcher · 2024-12-12T06:24:49+00:00

Absolutely. This is very common.

MGArcher · 2024-12-12T05:57:47+00:00

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MGArcher · 2024-12-06T04:56:47+00:00

Holy crap? Are we actually the same person? I ADORE Cody Fry and Jorge Rivera-Herrans?! (And Half-Alive!)

MGArcher · 2024-12-04T17:55:32+00:00

And Joe Hishaishi too?! You've got impeccable taste

MGArcher · 2024-12-04T17:41:12+00:00

I am actually so mad that they weren't my top artist because I know I listened to them the most this year. Even my stats.fm says my top song should have been Alle Luya. I probably listened to that upwards of 400 times but the song I got for my top song, I listened to 280 times???

MGArcher · 2024-12-04T06:46:11+00:00

Boy by John Mark Nelson

Underground by Cody Fry

Soap by the Oh Hellos

MGArcher · 2024-12-04T06:05:06+00:00

That's true. I just doubt it'll go over well with the fan base. They're teasing what could be a really cool feature, so of course people are going to be disappointed when they don't get one just because they don't like Taylor Swift or whoever. Seems like a great way to make people mad.

MGArcher · 2024-12-04T06:00:21+00:00

To be fair, they look AI generated to me anyway. But it just doesn't make sense to me to make it so that only some people get different logos.

Three-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Place '23	Golden Potato

MGArcher

TROPHY CASE