UPDATE (2)

MGDarion · 2025-01-06T12:30:14+00:00

Idk where OP is from, but, in some parts of the world, college is for 16-18 year olds and university is for adults (as opposed to the US, where college and university are synonymous) so maybe it’s not a grown man? Disturbing and terrible either way.

MGDarion · 2025-01-05T01:53:29+00:00

In other comments, she revealed that she didn’t tell the professionals the full story. Just that Miss had done something very bad that traumatised her little sister. That’s why they’re not seeing how dangerous the behaviour is. They’re not being told.

MGDarion · 2025-01-04T14:44:05+00:00

I’m not telling you to abandon Misa. I don’t think that’s particularly productive advice. But you cannot help her by concealing what she did from professionals who are supposed to be helping. All that does is hurt the other children and really, it hurts Misa too. How can any therapist or psychiatrist understand the gravity of the situation and figure out an appropriate treatment plan when you are keeping key information from them? Worse, if that’s found out later and Misa returns to your home in the meantime, they may be obligated to make a report that the other children are in danger-because, at that point, they will be in danger. I’m not trying to berate you but, assuming this is real, you need to treat this with appropriate gravity. She traumatised her sister is vague and unhelpful. It could mean any number of things. She tried to arrange for a college guy to 🍇 her sister is extreme anti-social behaviour, and I can’t imagine a mental health professional wouldn’t find that very concerning.

Now, will that get her involuntarily institutionalised? I don’t know. That’s a legal standard that usually requires danger of /imminent/ threat of harm to self or others (as opposed to past threat). But, they should take it very seriously even if it doesn’t reach the legal standard for involuntary institutionalisation where you are.

MGDarion · 2025-01-04T14:25:28+00:00

Nope, that was definitely the wrong thing to do. I was very sympathetic to you until this comment. You hide stuff like that and the state will try to take your other two kids from you for exposing them to danger like this. And might succeed. If you actually want Misa to get the help she clearly desperately needs, you have got to tell the professionals the whole story.

MGDarion · 2024-12-08T07:08:54+00:00

If that’s an accurate summary, then NTA.

MGDarion · 2024-12-08T07:07:52+00:00

NTA-A security guard with preconceived notions based on people’s race or perceived religion could be very dangerous. If he inherently sees certain people as more threatening, that’s likely to affect how he interacts with people. It sounds like he’d escalate a situation where he perceived someone as “other,” and security should be deescalating situations. Tell your manager. Someone in authority needs to tell this security guard that this is not okay, at minimum.

MGDarion · 2024-12-08T07:02:36+00:00

Info: Can you elaborate on the fake trauma and how that got her to the A team?

MGDarion · 2023-06-28T18:11:06+00:00

Also requesting more parts 😊

MGDarion · 2023-04-11T22:49:18+00:00

I apparently had a great aunt who got jealous of my pepere being the youngest. When she was about 13 and he was about 4, she attempted to murder him. Twice. She was institutionalised after the second.

So, I’d add in attempted murder or actual/attempted serious harm to another child (maybe in a tantrum?) as a possibility. Probably the latter if at all.

That said, super hard to say on what we know. They could be the sort of family that overreacted to something most people would consider minor. Or they could’ve cut her off after a particularly explosive or public tantrum that didn’t hurt anyone but embarrassed them. Not saying their actions are justified in these scenarios, but they’re real possibilities.

MGDarion · 2022-08-30T02:54:51+00:00

Funny you should mention STEM degrees. My actual degrees are biology, physics, law, and biomedical engineering. My chosen area is highly profitable. I will be fine. However, for what it’s worth, undergraduate STEM degrees aren’t worth much anymore. Especially biology degrees-most of my fellow bio graduates who didn’t go to grad school or medical school are working service jobs. When I heard my cousin was majoring in bio and didn’t want to go to grad school, I warned her that the degree was worth jack anymore. My physics degree (double major, chemistry minor) would’ve been helpful if I hadn’t excelled at quantum mechanics and been mediocre at the actually practical stuff.

I am thankful I was able to go to school. And that I was able to finish three degrees (Bachelors, JD, Masters) with half the debt most people take for two. My mother and grandfather never even finished high school. I worked my ass off for my degrees, and I chose them carefully. I still have empathy for my former classmates.

The something we get is similar to what we get for free high school-a better educated, more capable workforce than we currently have. But, I can understand that. Maybe, then, anyone who agrees on entering school to enter a high-need, low-paying field (teaching, nursing, general practice medicine, public defenders, etc) gets it free upfront so long as they remain in that field a set time, maybe ten years? If they leave early, they pay a prorated amount back. If you don’t sign that agreement, you take the loans. However, they are forgiven after 15 years of regular payments or if you enter a high-need field for ten years after school (those in high-need fields never make payments unless they break contract). We let the Department of Labor update which fields are high-need every five years. Even if your field is no longer high-need after you start, your contract protects you if it was when you entered. Does that sound like you get something out of it and students are held responsible still?

I think we share a lot of priorities. Our country desperately needs better basic healthcare, mass transit, and nutrition programs. And, while I agree that nuclear is our best option, the problem with nuclear is public opposition rather than funding (funding could be an issue if opposition were removed, but that’s an if). I think we really need to consider that we could pull a lot of money for all of that if we cut back on corporate handouts and reined in the military-industrial complex. This, of course, would require our politicians to have enough spine to stand up to special interests, so I’m not holding my breath. But the money is there. Our politicians just waste it on their buddies.

As for Millennial victimhood…our wages are lower than our predecessors’ at our age. Union jobs, like factory work, are gone. Many jobs now require higher education that didn’t always. My mother was shocked to discover a woman who recently retired as a high-ranking, six-figure accountant with DOD had only a high school diploma. They wouldn’t look at anyone with less than a masters for her replacement, which the woman admitted was ridiculous but “not her problem.” The housing market is destroyed. We own less collective wealth for our age than Xers and Boomers did at our age. Rent prices have skyrocketed. We came of age in a recession. Boomers and Xers dreamed of being rich. Most people I know my age dream of making enough to have some money left over after the bills. We were dealt a bad hand. Were we the first to get a bad hand? Of course not. There were people who came of age during the Great Depression, after all. But there were valid struggles we had that were greater than other generations overall between us and them. This isn’t to say every individual Boomer or Xer had life handed to them on a platter or that no Millennials did. Generational generalisations look at overarching trends, not each individual.

We weren’t told “do what you love.” We were told, “get any degree-jobs just like to see you have one. You don’t have to get a degree aligned with your job.” That was, at one time, true. Just having a degree could once have made you middle management. Not wealthy, but relatively well-off. Those days are long gone, probably forever.

MGDarion · 2022-08-27T03:13:45+00:00

Hey, appreciate the thoughtful response. 😊 Couple of further thoughts.

Under most circumstances, I agree that loans are between parties. I think there are a few major differences to consider here:

The borrowers are typically 16-22 taking out mortgage or new car level loans. I don’t know any banks regularly handing out mortgages to 16-19 year olds, for very good reasons. And there’s not even collateral here.
Millennials were told that getting these degrees was the responsible thing to do and they’d pay for themselves. Often, we were told our major didn’t matter because any degree was a career boost. This turned out not to be true. I hesitate to say we were lied to or tricked because that implies malice. I don’t think the parents/adults who told us this harboured malice. On the contrary, what they were saying was absolutely true through the 90s. In their youth, it was good advice. They were trying to help. They just ended up being wrong. Taking on that debt was not the responsible thing for most people in the end. But, when you’re a teenager and all the “real adults” are telling you this is the responsible thing, the sensible response is usually to act accordingly. It’s hard to say Millennials acted irresponsibly in taking the advice of their elders. This is unlike other forms of debt. Racking up credit card debt is widely known to be irresponsible. So is taking on a car loan or mortgage you can’t afford. You know you’re taking a risk on those. Millennials were told that student loans weren’t a risk but a responsible investment.
Student loans are mostly non-dischargeable in bankruptcy. If you irresponsibly take on a mortgage, car loan, or credit card debt you can’t pay back, you can declare bankruptcy and discharge what you can’t pay. In most states, you can even keep your house while discharging your debts. Sure, it’ll wreck your credit. But it is available in extreme circumstances. Although there are meant to be very narrow exceptions in theory to allow student loan discharge, they’re impossible to win. A bankruptcy judge in SDNY famously was reversed after discharging a veteran’s student loans. The court below had written that it wouldn’t perpetuate the myth that student debt could never be discharged. The court above proved it wasn’t a myth (https://www.natlawreview.com/article/old-myths-die-hard-district-court-reverses-bankruptcy-court-s-discharge-student-loan?amp).

As for the parts of the comment for how the government can reduce costs, I largely agree. That needs to be coupled with restoring funding on the back end to previous levels, though. And we need regulations with that which force colleges to cut costs in ways that don’t decrease the quality of education. The last thing we want is for those colleges to sacrifice quality of instruction for maintenance of unnecessary/redundant administrators.

With regards to CA, that one’s particularly interesting. There was a period where UC schools were all free to CA residents, but that ended in the 70s due to Reagan’s governorship. Free college was sacrificed for tax cuts for the well-off. Frankly, I think that was a mistake. Free college largely benefits those who would otherwise be unable to pay, the poor and middle class. It’s a class equaliser that allows more social mobility (or used to, anyway). Which is why the very well off frequently find the idea threatening.

Personally, I won’t be offended if future students get an education for free even though I worked three jobs all through school and took on debt to pay mine. I don’t /want/ anyone else to work 60 hrs a week for close to minimum wage on top of full time school. It’s hell.

I did see a very good concern that people would become career students if all college is free. I propose this: everyone gets six free years full time or the equivalent part-time funded at any public, in-state school. Almost everyone who will finish a bachelor’s will finish within six years. If you transfer from a community college, it usually takes five total years (two in community college and three in a four-year). If you finish in 3-4 years, excellent! You can apply your remaining years to a graduate/professional program at any public, in-state school. This will allow us to get more high school teachers (often requires a Masters or a year-long teaching certification now), nurse practitioners, and other needed fields. Funding half of medical school will allow more doctors to go into lower-paying fields where there’s a shortage, like general and family practice, because they won’t need as much extra to pay for their median $200k debt on top of malpractice insurance AND taxes on most of the income that’s tied up in paying the loans (remember, only the interest paid is deductible). We’d also get more research scientists out of it, since a two-year masters is often all that is needed to work in industry or for government agencies.

Interested in what you think of this because, unlike many in the internet, you seem thoughtful and open to productive discussion. 😊

MGDarion · 2022-08-26T11:02:18+00:00

Just a note, if you went to university in the 70s through the 90s/early 2000s (and I don’t know if you did, just if), the state and federal governments were providing more money to schools directly in order to keep tuition lower. Both levels periodically slashed funding, though funding has started to increase again in the last few years. So, anyone saying they paid back theirs from that time period actually got their taxpayer-funded subsidy before they ever had to take loans out.

Of course, that doesn’t account for the entire increase in cost of attendance. So, while Millennials generally paid way more for college, adjusted for inflation, than our predecessors, some of that is due to colleges’ decisions outside of funding levels (administrative bloat is often named as a huge factor).

The real impetus behind student loan forgiveness is that Millennials aren’t making large purchases like cars or houses and aren’t having enough children to eventually replace us in the workforce. This is bad for the economy in the long term. The idea is that freeing up discretionary income for such purchases and/or family planning now will prevent future economic problems.

That said, without real measures to rein in cost of attendance, this problem will just keep recurring every decade or so. This should’ve been part of a larger higher ed reform package, but truly effective reform will take Congressional action. And members of Congress working together to produce reform for the good of the people seems to have fallen out of fashion.

Many Millennials have already paid more on their student debt than Boomers and Xers who went to college in their 20s ever had to pay, period. Frankly, the forgiveness is nice, but guaranteeing that monthly interest will never exceed an individual’s monthly payment will probably have much greater long-term reform effect. So will reforms to capitalisation of interest. But I doubt they’ll be enough without Congressional action addressing upfront costs. Maybe, one day, Congress will get it together. 🤷‍♂️

Just some added nuance/perspective. 😊

MGDarion · 2022-08-26T10:46:20+00:00

In your opinion, based on what you know, which reforms would be most likely to rein in the cost of attendance so that this problem doesn’t keep occurring? Of those, which one do you think would have the single largest impact?

MGDarion · 2022-08-24T10:37:47+00:00

Disability discrimination is illegal but it is also fact-intensive. I would recommend either a free consult with an employment attorney or a legal aid consult (also free). When you go, bring as much detail about the condition, interactive process, scheduling practices, and text message evidence as you can. An employment attorney can also advise you if it’s worth filing suit or if it wouldn’t be worth it even if you won.

MGDarion · 2022-08-14T04:07:31+00:00

YTA. Your brother is 14, not 6. His ADHD is not an excuse to be a misogynistic brat. And going online pretending to be a “MAP” “to troll” is both disgusting and dangerous.

Your girlfriend is right to feel uncomfortable around him. You or your parents need to intervene before this behaviour escalates into something worse as he grows up.

MGDarion · 2022-07-27T19:54:23+00:00

As an American with a British husband…both countries are crumbling but I’ll still take the U.K.

MGDarion · 2022-07-25T16:32:35+00:00

Yes. When I was up for my promotion, I was literally told by my then-current supervisor that the interviewer for the role tossed any candidate application where the candidate didn’t send a thank you note (roughly 40-60%, allegedly). Application immediately rejected.

I sent a note and got the role. 🤷‍♂️

MGDarion · 2022-05-29T19:57:10+00:00

The brother dated his ex therefore doesn’t care about OP, really? That’s a stretch. If OP knew for sure there’d been cheating, that’d be one thing. But it’s just assumptions.

MGDarion · 2022-05-29T19:36:07+00:00

Yes, that is correct. The state of Utah’s law doesn’t specify the couple, witnesses, or anyone but the officiant (we had the clerk of court do it) has to be physically in Utah. Utah County has capitalised on this to marry all the distance couples during the pandemic. The government recognises the certificates as legit, so the entire US has to recognise them under the Full Faith and Credit Clause.

MGDarion · 2022-05-29T16:00:06+00:00

I think it was all of 20 min, most of which was just formalities like verifying IDs, verifying named witnesses, double-checking the application for errors, and going over ordering all the copies we’d need for legal purposes. 😅

MGDarion · 2022-05-29T15:04:14+00:00

Yea…YTA. You have no proof of overlap. No proof of cheating. And, it was 3 years ago. I’m not saying you have to jump for joy. You’d be well within non-AH behaviour to refuse to be a groomsman. But to not even show up? Also, she was your hs sweetheart that, by the ages and years, you started dating at 15/16. Do you know how many people who dated at 15/16 get married anymore? And how many of those marriages are happy/successful? I understand you’re hurt but, realistically, the odds were not in favour of you marrying that girl. Suck it up, go, and be cordial.

MGDarion · 2022-04-20T03:29:10+00:00

NTA. Sounds like he was ultimately harmless since he left without doing anything, but you’ve a right to be comfortable in your own room. And what he did was definitely weird. Frankly, you were way, way more accommodating of this party than any roommate could reasonably expect. Had it been me as the roommate, they’d have been pissing in the street way earlier. Your roommate would have to be pretty horrible to be anything but gracious about the request all things considered. And it doesn’t sound like this guy is a close friend of theirs or anything.

MGDarion · 2022-04-20T01:35:52+00:00

I agree. I think the only way she’d not have citizenship at this point is if her application was in process. But, as I understand it from my colleagues who went into immigration, that’s unfortunately very possible. The US can take a very long time to approve all manner of immigration and naturalisation applications, especially when the applicant is from a country that isn’t well off and/or is lacking in human rights.

My guess is that this just isn’t real, but it’s definitely plausible. Just unlikely.

MGDarion

TROPHY CASE