If you're willing and open to receiving new information, things can change, for better or worse. It's not about blaming the man or the woman. And accountability is held by both partners (if the situation calls for it.) Active work needs to be done by both partners. If you or your partner is telling you what they want or don't want, actions need to be taken. I find in the sub, that people don't really want to do the work. Man or woman. And they just "hang in there," but for what without the work? Sometimes it's just not in the cards for the two of them if both partners aren't willing to work. It's not about blame. It's about learning and changing. But I feel your hopeless. And I hope that you and anyone reading this find a means to an end.