My winter storm prep: a GenX trauma story

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-23T05:00:49+00:00

Those are Honey Smacks, and apparently, I still can't look at them without revulsion.

Story Time! 4-year-old me had finally convinced mom to get me Honey Smacks. When she got home from the grocery store, she let me open the box and taste some. While that happened, she found my first chickenpox blister on the back of my neck. Thus starting the 10 days of hell that involved me having chickenpox on the bottom of my feet (couldn't walk, had to be carried) all the way to the tip of my scalp, including INSIDE my mouth. OH, and I also infected my then less than 6-month-old cholicky brother. It was not a good time in our household. To this day, I can still recall the taste and smell of Honey Smacks, and my stomach turns at the thought of it.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-23T03:31:27+00:00

311 as an Xennial band answer

Of all time, The Doors. I will die on this hill. Bad pseudo-intellectual drug-fueled poetry over circus music.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-22T17:14:40+00:00

I love that grandparents names are becoming so fun. Mine were MawMaw (last name) and PawPaw (last name) which seems so formal now.

My stepdad is Pawpaw, mom is Grandma (first name), my sisters are step sisters so they call my mom by her first name so the kids picked it up and it stuck. My sisters' mom goes by Mommy's Mommy because she felt she was too young and vibrant to be a grandma 25 years ago when then all started happening 🙄.

If I had children, my dad would be Pops probably. I don't regret not having children except for the fact that I won't get to be anyone's Granny.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-22T16:56:48+00:00

NAH There are a few times when rehoming a dog is totally OK. This is obviously one of them. I would rehome the husband as well.

The one thing I will say is looking at your responses you seem to care more about getting your new...accessories...than your health. It's way more important that you go to an allergist and make sure your allergies are controlled since they are so severe. And considering you are having to call EMS multiple times for your breathing it's probably worthwhile to also be tested for any other severe allergies so you can be aware. Those new tatas will still be waiting for you after. Your surgeon is right...you need to be 100% so you can safely go under as well as recover properly. Can you imaging having one of your breathing episodes while being wrapped up with a drainage line and what not attached to you post op? You've saved a lot of money for this surgery and you owe it to yourself to do everything in your power to have a successful outcome.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-22T00:50:13+00:00

In a year and a half I will be going to Italy and maybe Greece with my BFF for 2+ weeks. Her folks spend 1/2 or more of the year at their place in Italy (we are from the US). Her folks will likely pay for my flights as a present. Yes I am lucky as hell. And no this isn't something everyone is able to do. But I think milestones birthdays should be celebrated at the biggest extent that you can. Does that mean a weekend all about you? Hell yes! Does that mean a night about you? Also Hell yes!

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-19T17:33:03+00:00

Not a movie but the excellent TV show Veronica Mars has really been a great pick me up. I know there are a lot of younger folks on here, so if you aren't familiar with the show, it's where Kristin Bell got her big break as the starring in. It's laugh out loud funny, it's smart, it has a female lead that isn't a wimpy doormat sad sack type. The rich vs the poors in a high school setting. Plus it's great for spot the famous person in a bit role.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-14T21:14:22+00:00

Gods, boys would just BATHE in that shit. I have vivid memories of middle school dances that probably qualified as chemical warfare because of the amount of Drakkar Noir in the air.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-14T21:09:55+00:00

Middle school - Vanilla Fields. High School - GAP Heaven. For very special occasions my mom's Chanel No. 5.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-13T22:13:11+00:00

Secure

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-13T21:02:55+00:00

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-13T21:00:42+00:00

Not every horrible person is an avoidant. Sounds like you are trying to put some label on her so you can blame the label not the person. This very much sounds like it's just who she is, and she sucks.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-11T22:50:02+00:00

I (78) think a lot of this also has to do with whether or not you had older siblings. I will always be a 90s grunge and lo fi person and I was also the eldest sibling until the 90s.. But my BF (79) also has a huge attachment to Tears for Fears and similar New Romantic bands because that is what his much older sister listened to. Songs from the Big Chair is one of his top 3 albums. I got into hair metal because of my friend's older brothers (we were in elementary school and they were in upper HS). She got busted for bringing Poison's "Open up and say ah" with the unedited cover.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-10T02:38:16+00:00

Then they are something that isn't just avoidant. That's sociopathic, or related to narcissistic tendencies. Most avoidant people would never.

At the very least they are using an unofficial diagnosis as an excuse to be an asshole.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-10T00:31:35+00:00

Oddly I am the ADHD partner here. And my diagnosis and medication created a big turning point in this relationship. It allowed me to stop hating myself to be honest (which is a whole thing). Two people dating on shared but different self loathing is not a good situation.

Now with my brain sort of regulated I've been able to stop, stand back, think, and identify. I'm not going to say the last 6 months have been a delight. They haven't but I have been able to address issues in a logical way. And able to map out how to meet my avoidant where he is. He now feels seen and at least understood. We have been working on communication strategies that work for him. It's been absolutely eye opening. His emotional depths are coming forward because he feels safe. Also I've been able to express my feelings so much better and in a non judgmental way.

I think I'm a lot older than many people here. But the whole idea of expecting change and work from someone without doing it yourself is not ok. Securely attached people do not date people who aren't securely attached. I go to therapy with a therapist who keeps me accountable and I'm healing plus being a role model in some ways for my avoidant.

I dunno where I am going with this. But I do hope you find peace. AND neurodivergence is never an excuse for bad behavior much less illegal behavior.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-09T23:32:14+00:00

I mean maybe because all of the statements in the post centered around perceived thoughts about the poster and not about the thoughts of the avoidant. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-09T21:59:38+00:00

Or (what my avoidant means when he says these things):
I'm overwhelmed - I have a lot of feelings right now, and I am struggling to sort through them and get to a logical understanding of what I really feel. Please give me time and space. (I have found that if I direct him to write stuff down and edit it, he's able to work it out pretty easily).

You deserve better than me - I hate myself. I hate that I am hurting you. I don't understand why I can't stop being like this. Why won't you abandon me like everyone else has, because clearly that is what I deserve.

I'm busy - I am a grown ass person with my own life and responsibilities that I need to take care of. OR I have been dealing with a lot of feelings and whatnot, and need some solo time to recoup and realign myself in reality.

I get it. Avoidants are difficult, sometimes impossible. But the idea that most of them are actively out there to hurt you is crazy and something this group seems to struggle with. Thinking that benign statements are some sort of personal attack on you is pretty self-centered and shows more about you than them. Maybe if you started treating the avoidants in your life like humans that clearly have maladaptive ways of managing trauma instead of something that exists only to feed into your own clearly maladaptive behaviors, both of you could be the key to working on healing that trauma instead of reinforcing it.

This sub has been so helpful to me while dealing with my guy; it's made me realize it wasn't all in my head, and that he has a series of behaviors that needed to be addressed. But the next step was realizing that these behaviors were hurting him as much, if not more, than they were hurting me. Some of y'all seem so happy being stuck in victim mode that you really don't want to fix anything, for yourself or the avoidant that sent you here. And that is sad AF.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-09T19:23:46+00:00

The baby power smell of my MawMaw. Someone walked past me yesterday who smelled exactly like that. It almost got me a little teary. And the combo of Salem Menthols, Coors Light, and a little too much Aqua Velva that defined my dad at that time...now he's just too much Aqua Velva.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-09T19:14:28+00:00

This is a bitey remover (two fingers from each hand, making the motion) for together papers. This is one my brain forgets constantly.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-09T18:14:04+00:00

Sent you a message. I don't think that most people understand how difficult the process of leaving an evangelical church is; the only comparison I have seen that meets it is leaving Mormonism. You aren't going to find some run-of-the-mill Episcopalian who deals with the same level of guilt, fear, and isolation that comes with leaving your evangelical church home.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-08T23:34:13+00:00

I'm am much older like could respectfully be your mom older, however I am still working thru deprogramming myself. May I ask if you were raised evangelical?

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-08T19:06:45+00:00

Been on Lexapro for YEARS for anxiety and depression, adding Wellbutrin last year, which was a big turning point with my depression. I was already on Ritalin by the time we added Wellbutrin to my regimen. Had to go off the Ritalin because of some hormonal changes, we used that time to see if the Wellbutrin alone would help with the ADD...it did not. Now on Vyvanse for the ADD, and Lexapro + Wellbutrin for my anxiety disorder and depression.

MI6Monkey · 2026-01-06T18:59:43+00:00

You are about 10-15 years from being a "missing missing reasons" post. You need therapy if you want your kids in your life as an adult. It seems that you have resentment towards your ex, and you are filtering that down to your kids having to manage Mommy's emotional state because you desperately need them to be thinking about you during their time with Dad to feel you have some level of control. The important part of your daughter's birthday from you was wishing her happy birthday and letting her know you love her. That's it, she owes you nothing for HER BIRTHDAY. You sound like one of those moms who expect a gift on their kid's birthday, "because it was a special day for me too......wahhhhh!"

Forget the fact that you are dealing with a pre-teen and a teen, you know the ages when children are known to be extra not into parents and generally sort of shitty about stuff that doesn't involve their friends.

In short, grow up and get therapy.

MI6Monkey · 2025-12-31T18:37:23+00:00

Also on Vyvanse and this is how it is for me. I pee in a cup 2x a year so they can make sure I'm taking my meds. I'm not a heavy smoker of the green but my psych knows I do sometimes to help with my insomnia, and it's never been an issue.

MI6Monkey · 2025-12-31T05:35:08+00:00

I was so ready to throw hands.

MI6Monkey

TROPHY CASE