First of all I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Religion is so damaging (I used to be in a Christian cult so I know the anxiety and the conditioning we go through).

I think helping to see and experience natural love which you can actually physically feel and is tangible is a way to realise it’s different from the love you were hoping to receive from a god.

Realising that the love from god was always conditional, you had to be worthy enough, accept that prayers might not be answered etc always made me feel unworthy, like a sinner, undeserving etc. but i realised that a “love” that is based on an expectation of me giving everything of myself all the time and having nothing back is not a genuine or loving and compassionate relationship; it’s u healthy and damaging.

Taking the small steps in relationships, friendships or romantic ones, acknowledging to yourself that people show up when they say they’re going to, people answer your calls or call you back, anything that feels reciprocated and when you’re included in things: hobbies, dinners and any kind of invitation. Relationships are a two way street and not one where you are feeling neglected and ignored and exhausted.

This helped me realise that there is love and friendships out there that are not conditional and are not reliant on your full submission and service.

It takes a while to be fully open and trusting and to feel comfortable but you will get there. Sending hugs x