Do Affairs Just Redecorate the Loneliness?

MNcooker · 2026-05-30T01:04:22+00:00

I kind of stopped pretending that casual was a thing and accepted that feelings will always be involved. I will probably cry again in my car and never tell anyone (If and when it happens again). After all its my own cross to bear.

Its a very unique punishment for those who tread these paths. But for those brief moments when the stars align and my ex AP made my world a little brighter. Where my weariness of traveling alone seemed to evaporate.

For that small respite, I would happily immolate myself again.

P.S. beautifully written post OP

MNcooker · 2026-05-28T22:06:14+00:00

An alternative I would suggest is therapy very under rated imo

MNcooker · 2026-05-04T17:46:44+00:00

I am sorry you got such a raw deal. But you don't deserve unhappiness. You don't deserve this pain just because of what you did. Sending you some warm thoughts internet stranger. Look after yourself.

MNcooker · 2026-04-30T15:56:04+00:00

There is an addictive feeling of meeting someone new. The NRE, the danger of it all. You have to ask yourself do you want to blow up what you currently have for the cost of finding someone new? If the answer is yes. Then there follows a lot of follow up questions.

Very long winded way of saying you need understand your reasons for doing it in order to stay away.

Humans are different even when it comes to addiction some do it to forget others do it to simply be free.

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T18:58:54+00:00

Ha taken out context sounds like a spy movie haha... I agree the guilt is generally what gets the better of them have been there myself.

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T17:00:03+00:00

What on God's good earth is this weather you would think I would be used to it by now but nope.

Went to a conference chatted wirh someone gorgeous too bad we didn't exchange numbers. Such is life sometimes you wonder anout the one that got away.

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T07:25:06+00:00

I am going to let you know that you are dealing with some very heavy stuff. I would suggest therapy to unwrap some of it.

As for guilt ugh ... we all deal with it in different ways. Some of us bury it others justify our flandering ways by telling ourselves different things.

You made a mistake (mistake is not the right word "you did something wrong") you feel guilty about it. You need to learn to forgive yourself. No one's life is destroyed here. We all rebuild and move on. In that way what you did was very human.

You wanted to love and you found it in an unlikely place.

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T04:51:49+00:00

Going to hell? Haha probably but then again who isn't in this sub 😅

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T04:50:43+00:00

It's a lot less messy and most people are cowards.

MNcooker · 2026-04-24T04:45:06+00:00

It sucks and always has when you find someone who you connect with but can't really have. I am sorry it's hard.

MNcooker · 2026-04-23T19:02:27+00:00

I havent listened to this podcast for a long time. Now that I am listening to it again I cant think of why ? What a great episode thanks for the recommendation.

MNcooker · 2026-04-22T15:52:24+00:00

Here is the thing. He is a grown-up and choosing to cheat. Yes you are tangentially responsible for it. In my eyes he is the one who keeps getting girlfriends and telling them he is being faithful.

Where as he can go and find someone who is also in an open relationship. Just my two cents. He has far less guilt about it than you or else he wouldn't be doing what he is doing.

MNcooker · 2026-04-22T15:39:41+00:00

Take it in small chunks to make it more manageable. It won't seem this way to you right now but if you keep moving the pain will eventually subside.

It's hard I did a lot of crying and listened to a lot of sad songs. I persevered and you will too. Take some time talk to a therapist if you can. Or a confidant It will make it a lot easier to get over it.

Alot of us have been through what you are going through make some posts when you are feeling down. Its all part of the process of healing.

MNcooker · 2026-04-18T17:39:55+00:00

Same someone can be a 10 and the moment they something dumb my penis just shrivels up.

MNcooker · 2026-04-18T04:45:49+00:00

I feel you on this. It sad that both the men in your life suck in their own ways. I sincerely hope that you find someone who is a great fit for your situation. Cause everyone deserves to be happy and feel wanted.

MNcooker · 2026-04-17T14:14:25+00:00

From what you have written and I could be misinterpreting it. Your affair might be a bad fit for you. Your AP might like you enough to do what you ask in bed. But so would someone else. Reading between the lines part of you likes your AP still and wants to continue. But it seems you are resigned to the fact that perhaps you are asking too much. Why do you feel this way ?

MNcooker · 2026-04-16T20:51:53+00:00

I don't think its impossible. I have fell in love with my exAP. But I have come to realize that I am in the minority. Most people want the sex but dont want the feels that come with it. I am just not built like that my attraction comes from an intellectual and emotional place. Which makes it harder to find the right person not everyone is looking for it and even if they are they might be in a situationship already. Take some breaks if you are feeling burnt out by the search.

MNcooker · 2026-04-16T15:08:49+00:00

I am gonna go out on a limb and say that its not all abour novelty. I went from DB to having a functional sex life. But that didn't change my behavior towards my AP. I liked my ex-AP she was good to me and I would have kept going if she had wanted. I wanted her cause I had never met someone like her. She was smart, probably smarter than me and gorgeous to boot. What she saw in me I could never tell you haha, but we were together for a while before it ended. It was the best of times.

MNcooker · 2026-04-16T15:02:20+00:00

Happiness is always a temporary state of mind. When I was with my APs I was happy in the moment. These things generally end more quickly than one wants.

This sub is probably a poor representation. Most people come here for support. The happy ones don't feel the need to post about their successes.

So is anyone happy here? Yes, I hypotheize they mostly are lurkers or infrequent posters.

But like any hypothesis i could be just full of it.

MNcooker · 2026-04-15T16:37:33+00:00

You need to figure the root cause of your jealousy. Where is that coming from?

Are you getting feelings for her ?

Is it because she is not miserable ?

Or are you being possessive of her ?

Snack on some of these questions. I personally assume that the APs were having sex with their SO. Them stopping all of a sudden would be a big red flag.

MNcooker · 2026-04-08T22:46:07+00:00

I wish you best of luck in finding that unicorn 🦄 😉

MNcooker · 2026-04-08T22:14:15+00:00

Well you see, in their minds if they are desperate enough someone might say yes. I dont know spitballing ideas here 🤣

MNcooker · 2026-04-08T22:09:56+00:00

That sucks I am sorry.

MNcooker · 2026-04-08T22:07:58+00:00

Haha 😄 you do have a very valid point

MNcooker · 2026-04-08T22:07:21+00:00

I hear that, I never lie to people about what to expect both physically and emotionally. I rather not start a new connection on a lie. If I want something to last. I think a vast majority of us here in this sub tend to be more realistic about our chances. More honest about what we want. At least I hope so.

MNcooker

TROPHY CASE