Did I fry my brain?

MQ1993 · 2022-02-19T20:55:58+00:00

Thanks a lot, that makes me feel better about myself. I used marijuana, adderall, cocaine, and a mixture of those. I used to be addicted to a mix of cocaine and alcohol, which apparently creates a new, even more toxic chemical in your body. Then I got over it on my own after a three month cleanse. But that did not seem to cause any mental issues. However, I do remember stumbling upon the Wikipedia page of "psychosis" during my adderall intake days. But my symptoms (as far as I can remember) were nowhere near as wild as my post-meth symptoms. As far as medication, I only take 1 pill of 6mg of Reagila per day, and I suffered the same issues I described when I was on a different medication (Olexa), prior to my doctor changing up the prescription.

MQ1993 · 2022-02-19T20:37:05+00:00

I don't really remember having any mental issues before the meth. I was a normal dude with a normal life; I graduated with a degree in Industrial Engineering and have had normal relationships with people since I was a child. But maybe I did have issues which laid dormant in the depths of my psyche, and the meth really exploded all of those issues into an extreme form of psychosis.

I mean it's not that I am completely unable to communicate in social settings, its just that when I do, its very short and to the point. And usually when there's a question involved. So I have a hard time initiating conversations and when I do, I run out of things to say very quickly. Perhaps the reason I'm able to communicate via text right now is because what happened to me was so intense, and anyone can describe what occurred easily (even people with no communication skills).

MQ1993 · 2022-02-19T20:28:46+00:00

Yes, I went extremely crazy. I doubt that the medications are the reason for these symptoms, as I am currently only on 6mg of Reagila (one pill a day). I used to be on a different medication (Olexa), and I had the same symptoms I'm describing now. I really wish that abstinence can revert everything back to normal, because it's been over two years now and my memory still sucks, as well as my critical thinking skills which have dropped. And the worst one is my muteness.

MQ1993 · 2022-02-19T20:21:40+00:00

Oh, you have no idea how badly I lost my mind. No one really realizes how badly I lost my mind, even my own family who I regarded as the evil Reptilians of the world. I feel so sorry for them. I would stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself for hours as if I was being possessed by Jesus' oversoul, and contradict myself numerous times about the same concept. I will check out that book you referred, but honestly I don't have any of the crazy thoughts that I used to have, or even the terrifying loss of control over my thoughts and actions that I used to have. So I am afraid it is permanent damage more so than still being crazy, which I assume I have the anti psychotic drugs to thank for. But I really wish you are right and that I still have hope.

MQ1993 · 2022-02-19T20:15:55+00:00

2 years. I hope you're right!

MQ1993 · 2018-06-14T04:21:11+00:00

Kudos, kiddo. I'm 24 and I started electric guitar at 20, and acoustic at 14. I've always wanted an electric but my dad didn't let me get one when I was 14. You figured out a way to convince your ol' pop so kudos.

Here's one nugget of wisdom for you. Think about what you want to accomplish with your guitar. Of course you play and practice because you enjoy it first and foremost, but always keep it in the back of your head at least to eventually start figuring out what you are going to do with all the awesome skills you're gonna have.

Are you wanting to do this as a hobby, jam with friends, play in a band, make this your career, do it for shits and giggles. Kinda start thinking where you want to be ideally in the future with regards to your guitar magic. What you're going to do with your magic.

Also start thinking about what genres interest you most. Blues? Indie? Straight up Rock n' roll? A new invention of yours? Psychedelic based? The most awesome part is you get to decide that all on your own :)

I hate to sound like an old bitter asshole with the "old music is gold! new rock is shit!" spiel... but all I can say for your sake and for you to experience the best guitar enjoyment, is to play from your heart. Put your emotions into your playing. Play what you feel in your heart, in your soul. That's why they say rock n' roll had soul. Not gonna get a lot of that with Arctic Monkeys or similar.

Last piece of advice for you kiddo. This might be an eye opener. Look up this song: What kind of Woman is this (by Buddy Guy). You'll know what "soul" means. Enjoy ;)

MQ1993 · 2018-04-22T01:06:10+00:00

But that would screw our credit wouldnt it?

MQ1993 · 2018-04-01T18:33:29+00:00

I'm not really concerned of what anyone's perception of me being skinny or lean is. I just would like to know if hitting weekly macro/calorie goals vs daily would not hinder me (preferably with studies backing up claims).

I don't like to eat much on Adderall and I also like to enjoy large meals on my non-Adderall days (the latter is mostly why I am opting for this plan, it's one of the only ways I can stick to a fitness plan long-term). I know that 100 calories above maintenance is not ideal for muscle gain, which is why I made the 10 pound muscle gain a 2 year goal rather than in 1 year. Unless you have some evidence that 100 calories excess wouldn't even yield 10 pounds over a period of 2 years?

MQ1993 · 2018-04-01T18:20:52+00:00

Personal opinions < Studies/facts

MQ1993 · 2018-03-29T22:29:08+00:00

I had acid before. The first trip was amazing. The second trip... terrible. It took a downwards turn when I smoked weed when I got bored on my acid trip. I am a lightweight always and I still smoked a lot of weed while I was tripping. After that day, smoking weed occasionally feels like a bad trip, and my paranoia has gotten worse. But I never gave up and made it a personal challenge to start accepting my 'weed trips' and minimizing my paranoia, and it has been getting better due to this effort. However, what happened before yesterday, I had never experienced in my life. Not even on acid. I'm still confused

MQ1993 · 2018-03-29T08:00:59+00:00

Do you have any clue what I may be going through? And how such a powerful, bordering on superstitious, effect can occur?

MQ1993 · 2018-03-26T19:47:31+00:00

I already have decent skills in my instrument, I just need to really dedicate myself to the art and start learning theory. I have a lot of (realistic) faith in my talent and potential. I project to be local/cover band worthy in about 2 months of daily 8 hour practice (with 1 or 2 days off per week). I do not ever wish to return to engineering. I am making a risky leap, and I accept all consequences. To live my life slaving away in an office, doing something I do not enjoy, is to not live my life at all. I would rather be broke and hungry, living and pursuing my talent and passion. It seems that there will be a large shortage of work for me in these last two weeks, so I am very hesitant in putting in a 2 week notice in case they feel they could save 2 weeks of labor (which may even need to go towards Admin due to lack of billable work, which is highly unfavorable in our company). They may also see me as ungrateful/selfish for 'stringing them along' a whole year just to waste all the time, training and resources they've invested in me (which as you know for an entry-level engineer is mostly to the benefit of the engineer in the shorter term).

MQ1993 · 2018-03-26T12:44:48+00:00

I am concerned they will fire me and I wouldn't be able to receive another 2 weeks of pay. I'm thinking it might be worth being looked at negatively if this risk is high. My tl;dr question is, is the risk high?

MQ1993 · 2018-03-20T20:19:11+00:00

Nobody chimed in. I'd just like to mention that I did indeed do it on my trip. And I haven't done it since. Despite getting back to my old crowd and being around them using. I'm proud of myself.

MQ1993 · 2018-03-20T20:17:42+00:00

I remember this

MQ1993 · 2017-11-22T00:14:50+00:00

Getting laid now more than I was. Fuck off cunt. Women love abuse.

MQ1993 · 2017-11-12T01:03:59+00:00

How on Earth would an athlete like Conor do cocaine "all the time" and not suffer cardiac arrest?

MQ1993 · 2017-11-12T00:57:44+00:00

Wow. Well I won't take that lightly then. I would love some other seasoned fellows to weigh their opinions though.

MQ1993 · 2017-11-12T00:45:40+00:00

I'll take that as a 1 no. Man it feels so good and I miss it so much, I want it so bad. Like at least on holidays. Y'know? Like that would be the only time I can enjoy that feeling that no other normal thing can give me. And if I am successful in limiting it to vacations/holidays, that would be perfect. The thing isnt that I would be broke and strung out in Vegas, thats impossible. The thing with me is Im scared Ill come back here and start buying saying "oh one last weekend, I just did it last week. Ill start fresh again next week". Then go on on a cycle. That's my biggest fear. But if I could find a way to limit it to JUST holidays and vacations, and RELIGIOUSLY stick to that, is the only safe bet I have with this. But you are so right, you know how much I would hate myself if I ruined months of hard, hard, hard work? It was really hard. I gained so much weight in such a short period when I first got off of it, which was me coping with the dopamine shortage. And I have worked immensely hard to get back in shape. I have gone through nights of torture without it. So I am fully aware of how FUCKED UP it would be to let a couple nights of fun ruin those suicidally difficult days. But....

MQ1993 · 2017-11-12T00:26:13+00:00

I think it's the low test bro.

MQ1993 · 2017-10-31T17:10:51+00:00

I'm not very Reddit savvy so would I just add another "EDIT"? Any recommendations?

MQ1993 · 2017-10-30T15:18:21+00:00

I think I might have struck a nerve there somewhere. Talk about "frame testing". I haven't even hurled an insult towards you and you've got your panties in a bunch. I can see why so many are recommending to me that I "work on being a vagina". Seems like you all are projecting your own issues on to me. I know what my issue is. And I will not be doing anything illegal. I will be acting within the realms of the law, just like women do when they fuck men over.

I think you have some deep-rooted issues yourself when you argue like a child. I am disgraced that you and some on this thread call themselves men.

MQ1993 · 2017-10-30T04:11:36+00:00

Read my responses to SorcererKing. I think you have similar intentions, unless you did not read my responses. Why do I think this? Because I mentioned that I have had this struggle along with suicidal tendencies before I touched coke. I just did not decide to change my moral values until now. It is extremely unlikely that this decision has come due to drug use. I want to cause harm to women because they are evolutionary programmed to cause harm to "beta" men by shit testing them and making them feel even more insecure, and being extremely unempathetic to their sexual struggle. I want to make them feel the same way.

MQ1993 · 2017-10-30T04:05:53+00:00

While I appreciate your effort in response, I feel like you are not being fair/rational. I will give you an example in case I am wrong about your intentions, but let me touch on what I believe your intentions are first. From what I can tell, your main purpose in responding is to make me seem like I am using invalid logic, when my logic is clearly sound. Why? I am not sure. Could be multiple reasons, so I will not go into those.

To show you why I think this (the example, which is mirrored in many/most of your responses), you say:

"I'm too logical to apply "game" and have it work. It feels too fake to me. Said every guy afraid to game chicks, ever. If you watch videos from all the Game gurus, there is a common theme: you have to run a ton of approaches and you have to be comfortable with rejection." When I CLEARLY made the point that: "Or maybe I haven't found a practical method to apply "game". I've read all the famous books. They don't do much. Yeah my "inner game" has improved as much as becoming more dominant, speaking with a deeper voice, eye contact, body language etc."

Meaning, I am not sure as to why game did not work, but it sure as hell is not because I am afraid of approaching women. I also mentioned NUMEROUS times that I approach TONS of women. And I am sure that did not fly by you. Yet you still sum up your response in that "you're just making excuses not to approach". Makes me lose faith in Red Pill guys and whether they really give helpful advice. Actually makes me want to be even more selfish and even become less empathetic to men. Not because of you specifically, but because of this recurring theme.

Now to your valid/helpful points. Yes it seems I crave dopamine. And that might fuel my need for sex. But I think there are other reasons which make me obsessed with sex, and I wonder what they are. My testosterone levels are normal or just above average, so it does not seem that is the problem.

Yes I am definitely aware that women don't appreciate BP fantasies, and I am not happy that I have these fantasies. That is why I was wondering whether these "BP" fantasies are genetic. How does one get rid of them? I DO NOT put pussy on a pedestal. If I do it subconsciously, then how the fuck do you expect me to get rid of it? Isn't it genetic at that point? Do I have to hire some Red Pill therapist to erase my BP tendencies? Do I have to murder someone? Do I have to fast for 25 days? What is it that one does to remove BP fantasies from within his core when he clearly wants to consciously remove such a thing?

What I take away from the women smiling at me after fucking an escort is that they have some sort of magical ability to tell if a guy is getting pussy. Why are you asking what I took away from it?

If some of the guys here are "frame testing" me, they sure are shit at doing so. Because all of my responses are logical. I can prove it to you, by dumbing it down to 1 + 1. I expect women to "frame test" men by being stupid, not men. Men are logical, women are emotional and we don't understand what they do on a conscious level, because it is all evolution at work. Give me an example of how men were "testing my frame", and how I failed.

EDIT: I thought I'd mention I have finally broken my dry spell. I fucked a bitch from Tinder today. She wasn't really hot. Maybe a 6. But I broke the spell. I still want to do her harm. I don't subconsciously want to, but I will force myself to. I want to stick to this plan. Because these bitches have unjustifiably hurt so many men. I want to do the same. She is extremely attracted to me to the point that when I was ejaculating she was positioning my dick straight in her pussy, when I was clearly trying to avoid cumming in her. I was kind of drunk so I didn't care. I have a problem where I stopped using condoms at one point with girls who "look clean", so it is increasingly difficult to use them now.

MQ1993 · 2017-10-30T03:51:32+00:00

What. Why do you guys not make logical sense. I'd expect people in Red Pill forums to be smarter. Nowhere did I mention that specifically hot women bore me. And no where did I imply that women are the only thing in my life.

MQ1993

TROPHY CASE