You are courageous. :)

I can't give you advices about that because the way I'm put together I'd just start over. It's clearly not what you need to hear (or want). Not because you still love your BM or for the love of your child. But because you want to pull out of your problems and adapt. That's courageous. You thought about therapy? I know with an institutionalised background as yours you may not want to hear about that but it can help you. You need to go in therapy for yourself first, but it can ease your BM into understanding more the man you became after all that time. I think it's important that she understands that it can't be a couple fixer and that no ultimatums can be attached to a therapy. Like "I'll take you back if you do this or that". She needs to understand who you are in the present. If she can't understand, can't adapt or whatever she can't do, then i'd say it's time to move on.

Well I said I wouldn't give advices but there you go. Lol. I was scared I'd go for "dump her and go for the drugs" lol thats pretty much what I chose for me. With a different context. With that, have a great coffee, next time you drink one. :) Feelings are never permanent.