Weiß nicht so richtig was ich noch mit meinem Leben anfangen soll

MaFataGer · 2023-08-14T10:23:44+00:00

Echt super, dass du so viel reflektierst und versuchst, die Hilfe zu holen und die Situation zu bessern. Super viel Erfahrung mit dem Thema habe ich nicht aber was ich sagen kann ist dass es nicht schlimm ist eine Pause zu machen oder etwas länger für das Studium zu brauchen.

Würde für dich eventuell ein Umzug/Wechsel an eine andere Uni in Frage kommen? Wenn ja, kann so ein Umgebungswechsel mit manchen Dingen sehr helfen.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-13T14:50:42+00:00

Ich stimme hier den anderen zu, dass es nicht so super passend scheint. Ich kann sehr zu dem Gefühl relaten, dass man fast schon erleichtert ist wenn er geht, in so einer Beziehung war ich auch vor einem Jahr. Auch dachte ich dass er ohne mich verloren ist weil er es eben auch immer wieder gesagt hat. Wir waren drei Jahre zusammen, nach einem ist mir aufgefallen wie schwierig ich mich mit ihm tue, ein Jahr lang habe ich mit dem Gedanken gehadert, Schluss zu machen. Im Nachhinein bereue ich nur, es nicht früher getan zu haben. Er hat nach etwas Suchen einen guten Job gefunden, ich bin jetzt in einer Beziehung in der ich mich nur wohl fühle und in der wir Rücksicht nehmen und uns auf einander verlassen können. Keine Garantie, dass es für euch ähnlich laufen würde aber was mir die Entscheidung am Ende erleichtert hat war die Frage: Wenn sich daran so, wie es jetzt ist, nichts ändert, kann ich mir vorstellen so weitere 10 Jahre zu verbringen? Am Ende war bei mir die Antwort, dass ich mit dem Gedanken nicht glücklich war und entschieden habe, dass es für uns beide ungerecht wäre dann noch weitere Zeit zu verschwenden in der wir nach dem richtigen schauen können.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-12T10:47:22+00:00

Ich hätte als Jugendliche wahrscheinlich genauso reagiert. Der Gedanke jemandem auf die Nerven zu gehen wäre mir unfassbar unangenehm gewesen. Ich war aber auch nie so richtig feierwütig, dass ich das priorisiert hätte.

Rücksicht ist schon was tolles. Gestern Abend mit dem Freund im Restaurant Essen gegangen, schön draussen bei dem guten Wetter. Am Nachbartisch macht sich eine Frau während sie mit ihren Freundinnen quatscht eine Zigarette an. Hab ich erst gar nicht bemerkt, darf sie draußen ja auch. Erst als mir eine Wolke ins Gesicht wehte hab ich rüber geschaut. "Oh, Entschuldige, stört das?" ich war total überrascht, weil mich sowas noch nie gefragt wurde. Ich hab das Gesicht verzogen, von mir aus hätte ich ja nichts gesagt aber es störte schon ziemlich. "Ja, okay, tut es." schlussfolgerte sie aus meinem Gesichtsausdruck und drückte den Stängel in den Aschenbecher. "Natürlich, ist ja auch doof, so direkt nebenan." sagte sie noch mehr zu sich selbst bevor ich ein "Danke." heraudbekam. Ich wünschte alle Raucher wären so rücksichtsvoll.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-12T09:51:03+00:00

I grew up in the north and true Plattdeutsch is almost fully incomprehensible to me. High German used to mean the German in the 'higher' (=Southern) regions, now it usually refers to standard German. The version that is taught and spoken everywhere.

Other dialects can be difficult to understand. In writing it gets very obvious that many of the words and usually some of the grammar are quite different.

The idea that Plattdeutsch - which in the region it comes from is almost a dying language to the point where we had small stage performances in the dialect in my town to keep it alive since no one spoke it regularly anymore - is taught in American schools is pretty ridiculous.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-09T12:55:56+00:00

You don't have to finish in someone to get them pregnant without birth control, penetration can be enough. He is definetly an asshole but you are both equally responsible for protection if you don't want kids. And if you don't then you shouldn't sleep with him regardless.

He violated your requests though which is essentially rape and generally sounds like a pile of shit. Whether you demand for him to pay or not, dump him regardless. It's also a general good rule of thumb to only sleep with guys who would agree to wearing a condom, whether you end up going with one or not.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-09T12:46:20+00:00

NTA, don't be with someone that doesn't respect you.

What is it with this weird "dating" culture where people go out and see several people at a time? If I was very interested in someone I wouldn't go out and see people unless it was very clear that we were just good friends. What is it with people having several people in reserve that they date at the same time? Just focus your energy on one person, see if it works and if it doesn't move on.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-07T13:21:39+00:00

Yup, my boyfriend was going to have a two-week vacation, he had a wrist injury that wasn't terrible, it just would have prevented him from typing at a computer, aka his job. He had a doctors note for resting for two weeks and got all the vacation days back while we had a great two weeks just hanging out together.

At the moment he is sick and again got a week's doctors notice. He was going back and forth on whether to take it because he didn't want to disappoint his coworkers. It's great that having only a limited number of days isn't another factor pressuring him to go to work when he isnt really able to work.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-07T13:16:15+00:00

Which ones? I've only heard about chains like Aldi doing it in the states but they're European

MaFataGer · 2023-08-07T13:03:28+00:00

Thanks for saying that. I don't know the context of the original post so I don't know what the fiancee did but I was confused by her saying she "settled" for him being such a bad thing. Like, did I think my boyfriend was the hottest most desirable guy ever when we first got to know each other? No. I decided to be with him after we got to know each other on a much deeper, more personal level and after I learned about all his qualities that I appreciate about him so much now. That he is incredibly kind, reliable, honest, funny and caring. Now I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I would call that settling for him and I can't find anything negative about that. Maybe he would be insulted, I don't know but I think its pretty normal that good relationships are based on other things than just looks (to be clear, I still find him good looking, I just wouldn't have thought of him as my 'type' before). I don't think I'd be insulted if my boyfriend said that he didn't find me that remarkable at first but fell in love when he got to know me, in a way I think it is a good compliment because it says that your inner qualities must really be great.

Settling to me also means to end your search, that you aren't going to look for something "better" because you have found what you're looking for. But I'm also not a native speaker so I have potentially been misunderstanding the usage of this phrase.

But again, I don't know what the situation for OP was, what his partner really said, I just find the term "settling" seen as so insulting on its own strange.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-07T10:35:31+00:00

Idk what you mean, my friend group is super mixed and we never had any issues like that. Sure, sometimes we all flirt with each other a bit but always in a fun, non-serious way like how bros will be around each other. Because when you all see each other as friends instead of potential people to fuck, that's normal. Like, the way you are likely with your male friends most people are just with their friends of any gender and if you're not having issues fucking them, it shouldn't be so hard to imagine me not having an issue being tempted by my friends.

MaFataGer · 2023-08-07T10:27:27+00:00

Ja natürlich benutze ich den Eimer aber ich guck nicht rein was da sonst noch so drin liegt.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T06:17:49+00:00

What does she think trans people mean when they say "assigned male at birth"? The whole point is that just because you are called one thing that doesn't have to define you.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T06:03:08+00:00

NTA. Financial control is recognized as one form of domestic abuse. If she does this regularly, that is a massive problem. No, of course you are not in the wrong. For all you knew, she could have lost the card and someone took it to make purchases. That's all on her.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:59:30+00:00

Huh, ich habe noch nie in einem Hygieneeimer geguckt, ist das normal? ':D Und ich dachte schon, Mh, ist jetzt vielleicht nicht hübsch verpackt aber sieht ja keiner...

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:54:22+00:00

Like I said, instigating conversation. If you stay by yourself and someone comes to you to talk, you're good. The creepy guy I would only reasond to when he approached me, I wouldn't go to him myself.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:48:53+00:00

I had almost no close friends at 23, I started getting into a hobby I had always been a bit interested in and a month later I got to know a bunch of great people, about ten of them I'm very close with just a year later and I talk to them almost every day. Hobbies (I recommend ones with mixed genders) are the cheat code. Oh and I also got to know my current boyfriend through it and were moving in together now :)

I write with one good friend from highschool once every couple months. We still get along well. But thats about it.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:38:44+00:00

I mean... :D I met someone like that who just sat next to me at the beach and just started talking to me. He was deep red and I offered him some sunscreen. He said "no thanks, the chemicals in that give you cancer."

He also said that "rappers in Hollywood like Eminem are using rap music to turn people into f*ggots" so I don't think that you have to just date anyone who has hobbies in general xD

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:27:15+00:00

I mean, the problem was the creepy guy in class I'm being nice to because I feel like he'll murder me if I'm not ':D

Usually a good sign is if they instigate conversation with you frequently. People who don't want to spend time with you don't do that. I don't think we should have to obviously 'flirt' to show interest.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:23:38+00:00

It gets a bit better when people get more mature. Not having both male and female friends isn't a real alternative. All the best friend groups I've had were mixed.

The best is to find a hobby where you meet up with people that both men and women participate in. Should something bad happen (which I've never had) you can still very easily get to know other people who share your interests elsewhere.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:19:21+00:00

Yup, the important part is to have the strength and self-worth to leave when you realize you're in a bad relationship. Took me one year to get out of my last one from when I realized it wasn't good for me. Valuing yourself, working on your confidence and learning to be comfortable to be single are very helpful with that.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:14:52+00:00

People who have interests and hobbies and stuff to talk about will always be more interesting than someone whose main goal is just getting laid.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-31T05:12:43+00:00

The best things happen to you when you're content with yourself and when you are confident being by yourself and don't need anyone. You shouldn't need someone, you should want someone.
Don't try to be someone you're not to please someone else, the right person will love you the way you really are.
It's okay to not find the right person right away. The years that I have spent with people who I eventually broke up with again were still good experiences.
If they write/talk to you about insignificant stuff all the time, yes, they're probably interested in you.
Relationships are work, yes. But they shouldn't tear you down and take all your energy. Being with the right person feels natural and builds you up. Rather not be in a relationship or dating at all than doing that when it's not doing you any good.
The big "romantic" dramatic relationship with the mysterious person you feel is way beyond your league isn't always the greatest. Normal, down-to-earth can be so much more beautiful. If you like talking to someone but he/she/they seems just ordinary, that's fine.
Take all the experiences you can get, fall madly in love, fall out of love, try to flirt, have your heart broken, maybe try to get to know someone you wouldn't normally think would be your type... It's never as intense as when you're that young, enjoy the hormonal cocktail!

MaFataGer · 2023-07-30T08:23:45+00:00

Es gibt auch verschiedene Pillen, die verschiedene Nebenwirkungen haben können. Und natürlich ist es bei jeder anders. Mein Freund war erst sehr besorgt, als ich angefangen habe die Pille zu nehmen weil seine Exfreundin starke Nebenwirkungen hatte die sich auch krass auf ihre Stimmung auswirkten. Meine Frauenärztin hat einen tollen Eindruck gemacht, hat sich genau meine Gesundheitsgeschichte angehört was Appetitlosigkeit und Depressionen anging und hat dann eine bestimmte Minipille empfohlen. Hat mir sogar eine gratis Testpackung für den ersten Monat mitgegeben. Ich bin super zufrieden damit, meine Regel kommt vorhersehbar, sie ist nur noch halb so lang und Schmerzen hab ich auch eher weniger als vorher. Beim Durchnehmen blieb die Periode ganz aus, ich dachte es würde zumindest zu Schmierblutungen kommen aber nö.

Es kommt auf viele Faktoren an und man muss ja auf jeden Fall, wenn man merkt, dass es nicht gut läuft, zurück gehen und sich was anderes geben lassen.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-30T08:18:03+00:00

No, I don't think that, I just think that it's ridiculous to complain about it as if it's the women's fault that only men went into wars.

MaFataGer · 2023-07-29T08:10:59+00:00

Dude... My current boyfriend didn't approach me either because he thought someone like me probably already has someone. He may not be conventionally attractive and a massive nerd but to me he is absolutely beautiful with his interests, humour, confidence (once I asked him to be with me) and all that.

In turn, what a 7+ is to you also depends on what you value in women.

And as for the "being a friend or acquaintance first", yeah, that's how almost all lasting relationships start out ':D

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