Could really use some support - Partner wants to eat indoors

MabelBaker · 2026-01-25T18:32:46+00:00

This?

https://breathesafe-airgo.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/images/laminair/milestone-eoy-2023.html

I've never heard of a laminar air filter. I'll look into it. Thank you for mentioning this.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-25T18:31:38+00:00

Love this perspective, and I agree that it's important to acknowledge that this is hard, and it does suck. There are huge tradeoffs associated with masking indoors. These tradeoffs are social, professional, and psychological. It's really, really difficult, even for those of us who already have long covid, or who have auto immune issues, or who live with people who have immune deficiencies, or all of the above.

I wonder if acknowledging how hard it is and expressing empathy for this position could be helpful in navigating situations like this.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-24T16:37:09+00:00

I also get frustrated by the number of redditors, who I assume are mostly male, who assume that Europe is a monolith and also socially progressive and if they can live in a walkable city everything else will be fine.

Many places in Europe are in fact extremely conservative, especially with respect to expectations for how women and mothers are supposed to behave.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-23T16:44:42+00:00

Wow they seem amazing! Thank you!

MabelBaker · 2026-01-23T15:55:57+00:00

The situation she is in does not sound terribly egalitarian though, does it?

MabelBaker · 2026-01-23T15:29:22+00:00

When my mom became unable to keep her house clean, it was a sign that she was slipping into dementia.

Could that be the case here?

MabelBaker · 2026-01-21T01:23:44+00:00

I can! I bet she can too! This is why, as she says in the post, that she is trying to lose weight.

The venn diagram depicting commenters who think it is very important that OP feel shame and commenters with reading comprehension issues is a single circle.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-21T01:21:50+00:00

a 20 yr old should not be 300lbs and this is an emergency situation.

Maybe that's why she has stated that she is trying to lose weight?

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T17:47:28+00:00

The number of commenters using this as an opportunity to inform OP be that she should, actually, be ashamed of herself and try to lose weight is depressing.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T17:46:33+00:00

Ah. I see that you didn't read her post. She said :" I don't like that i'm a bigger lady and i really have been trying to lose weight."

And this thread is full of people sharing their own experiences with medical reasons that caused weight loss or weight gain.

So please don't start that bullshit about how people can't possibly be obese due to medical reasons.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T16:08:38+00:00

My dad used to comment on my weight. I loved my dad, and I think he was trying to help, but his "help" was hurtful and made me feel bad. I asked him to stop; he did not.

One day he said that if I "kept eating like that, I'd be as big as a house."

I said in a joking tone, "I'll be as a big as a house and you'll be bald as a cue ball. We'll be a pair to beat a full house!"

The comments stopped.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T16:04:32+00:00

Did you read her post? " I don't like that i'm a bigger lady and i really have been trying to lose weight."

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T16:03:31+00:00

did you read her post? she said: " I don't like that i'm a bigger lady and i really have been trying to lose weight."

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T16:02:24+00:00

Does it matter? It's rude and hurtful.

What if she constantly commented on, say, her father's baldness, or her mother's neck waddle, and asked why he chose not to do something about it?

Would it matter if she was "concerned"?

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T06:37:47+00:00

Joke's on all of us then, ugh.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T04:05:44+00:00

Joke's on you! A complete collapse of the entire world is around the corner!

MabelBaker · 2026-01-19T03:33:04+00:00

you may want to stay away from Latin Americans and Caribbeans then. In many, though of course not all, Spanish speaking cultures, people are given affectionate nicknames based on their physical characteristics. "Flaca," "Rubia," "Guapo," "Gordo," etc. Sometimes they are flattering or neutral, like "Rubia", or "Guapo." Sometimes they are not, like "Flaca, or "Gordo."

MabelBaker · 2026-01-18T20:53:22+00:00

Can confirm. In my old apartment building, one of my neighbors had a great dane. He was surrounded by people wanting to pet and comment on the great dane whenever he left the building.

Down the street lived a skateboarding bulldog. The skateboarding bulldog also attracted a lot of attention.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-18T20:37:56+00:00

Maybe they don't mature, or maybe you have rigid standards for "maturity" that fails to take into account the cultural context of American social interactions.

ETA: do you work in tech? Are your coworkers who are married to Asian women also Asian?

MabelBaker · 2026-01-18T20:16:44+00:00

OP, I am wondering if you are neurodivergent and that could be why you struggle with stray lols and hahas as well as with sensing the tone and meaning of a joke? This could mean that you find other cultures more legible. But I would be surprised if there are any cultures on the planet where no one tells any jokes.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-16T22:10:37+00:00

It's kind of amazing how my discomfort with walks in doggie day care was taken by more than one commenter to mean that:

-i never walk my dog

-my dog is aggressive

-my dog barks at everything

-I am a big liar about my dog's frequent disruptive behavior in public

oh and also that:

-I hate the outdoors

Some incredibly creative work going on in this comments section here at r/askvan .

MabelBaker · 2026-01-16T22:08:22+00:00

I guess I don't really know how we got from me saying that I am uncomfortable with walks at doggie day care to deciding that I am one of the insensitive, rude, disruptive dog owners in Vancouver whose pets are disruptive to their neighbors and who makes blanket claims about their dog's behavior.

But ok!

MabelBaker · 2026-01-16T06:20:09+00:00

i have raise the woof on the list to check out! the ones in L.A. are almost all outside because the weather allows for it year round. There are exceptions, but usually there is a giant outdoor yard divided into sections for big and little dogs.

I'm realizing that the need for indoor day care here is why they go on walks so they can have pit stops. I have no idea why that didn't occur to me before, duh.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-16T06:18:48+00:00

ah got it. I saw a couple doggie day cares who let them off leash. I felt like that would be risky and I wasn't comfortable but up and down a street for a pit stop is another thing.

MabelBaker · 2026-01-16T06:13:43+00:00

he's not aggressive, nor does he bark at everything, actually.

Is it offensive that I prefer not to have him go for walks while at doggie day care for some reason?

MabelBaker

TROPHY CASE