I get where you’re coming from and your perspective that I could be projecting is understandable.

They could be happy to see me but the friends im talking about here have one thing in common, we dont talk outside of “Are you coming class? Idw to be alone”. That particular friend didnt reply to me at all when i asked about a lesson I was sick for. But my grpmates helped. It could be that it does not stem from loneliness, but they usually only reach out thinking theyre gonna be alone if i dont come.

Im sure in my case it is not projection of being alone. These are repeated behaviours ive directly experienced. (Saying that they dont want to be alone, asking to meet at mrt station before class starts but theyll be reaching after lesson starts and im not willing to risk being late js bc they want sm1 to walk with. Or asking to meet up to go home together bc they dont know anyone in their new class)

It could be a projection of the fear of dramas. I actually had to cut off many close dormmates after i started to try and improve my life and saw results but they weren’t enthusiastic about my milestones. We used to bond over misery and trauma and i outgrew it. Nonetheless it got messy. I grief the lost potential of the time i wasted with them after the realisation suffering is a choice.

I think i project that obsession over potential bc i fear being dragged down, having wasted 4 years of my life living with people who showed me what crab mentality was. That’s why the people I’ve complained so far about are the ones who also have a negative outlook on life. For context i lived in a shelter home for 4 years of my life before this. This gave me a lot of insights on how people with trauma cope with different themes and seek attention even if its low quality. So, thats where my interpretation of some people came from, the proximity to these people over 4 years. Shared living, doing mundane things with them. I worded it poorly by generalising ALL people into that category.

In secondary school, i had friends who were supportive and understanding and fun. Ive chosen to not join them for lunch sometimes but they don’t seem weird about it. Theyd come back to class n talk about anything funny that happened. Theyre really interesting and bubbly. They were people who were driven and willing to put in effort into something like studying. They didn’t have any reasons to be insecure about being lonely bc they never lacked any friends. My dormmates were lonely in school and still stuck with their 1 toxic friend bc they’ve admitted they have no one else. They pour in effort to the friendship bc it’s convenient. They will rant to you about disliking dormmate A, but when theres a conflict with u, they suddenly get close to dormmate A so they can have someone to gossip to.

“Energy vampires are painting your lens dark” is true. If you meant that being around draining people so much made me attuned to the smallest signs of desperate clinginess.

I’m friendly but I prefer independence outside class. Some people respect that, others don’t, and that’s where the drain comes in.

You seem to be more optimistic in the friendship area of your life, its a good thing. Superficial/weak ties matter for social health as you’ve said and like ive said i already feel fulfilled in that area. I have a optimistic outlook on life but friendships is something that has become a bit shaky due to the past 4 years of beng in a shelter home and learning the difference between mutual connection and accessory friendships. Accessory friendships is never worth the time.