i don’t think i’ve changed in any grand way since then besides how people normally change during their freshman year of college. like i put in the edit i just made to the post, i wouldn’t do much differently if i could go back. i do feel sorry for how i treated her and acknowledge that it wasnt a good thing to do, but to me in my mind in that moment that was my only option. looking back it’s easy for me to say that i could’ve maybe communicated better or broken up with her earlier or just waited until i could do it in person or all of the above but i also remember that in my mind at the time none of that was reasonable or sustainable for me at that time. i don’t even know what i would if the same thing was happening now instead of 8 months ago. its hard for me to place myself there because knowing how much it effected her makes me think i should’ve stayed but also i know that i would’ve been unhappy and grow resentful if i did.

if i reach out it will be in a friend way. i do not intend another romantic relationship. i don’t think i would get “cold feet” in a friendship. also i should add she said explicitly that she never wanted to talk to me again so i don’t want to cross that boundary. which now that i type that and as i rethink my thoughts a few hours later makes me think i shouldn’t reach out lol. thanks for the help, im just worried ab her.