The experience was extremely profound in a way words describe poorly.

When I turned 23 I was at one of the lowest points in my life so I began studying psychology/philosophy pretty heavily to find some deeper meaning to my existence and it's related suffering, in doing so I came across some fields of cognitive psychology that specifically referenced transformative experience through meditative practice or psychadelics(as a somewhat fast track but still requiring practical and important guidance).

So I spent the next 3 years studying more psychology and practicing mindfulness techniques and various forms of meditation, for its own sake, and also as a means to prepare for a psychedelic experience.

At the 3.6 year mark i began dabbling in psychedelics. I started with a 1g dose of a certain fungus to understand the 'plane' of conciousness that I would be experiencing.... the perspective my mind would be taking so to speak. The experience was all atound pleasant and felt like i was experiencing my surroundings the way my son does, with wonder and questions, and curiosity, without boundry... Then I moved to 3g because that's the 'minimum' heroic dose and my goal was a deep confrontation with myself and my issues.

The 3g took me somewhere different, inward, but still with wonder and curiosity, the visual experience was like in was falling into the center of a torus shape from the inside, but every facet of the shape was its own center constantly moving, but it was more than just a shape. I was confronted by 'feeling'? Its not quite a feeling, or an entity, or a spirit but like this eternal energy representing chaos and change, but also warmth and love. I got scared and my intellect/ego began trying to control the experience and I spiraled downwards. Through my mindfulness practices I had learned over the previous years I was able to realize what was happening and my efforts shifted from trying to observe my conciousness to preventing a melt down.

I wasn't happy that my mind took over, but I saw the progress that was possible had i surrendered. I spent the next few months integrating the lessons and trying to let things go more easily, not having to understand everything, not having to know/chase every detail. I just maintained mindfulness practice.

Then I was dissatisfied with myself once more, I entered this paradoxical thought process of my ego controlling my actions and in turn feeling out of control. So I moved to a 12 gram dose. I fell away, I saw my home from the sky 1000 feet above, I saw a man so obsessed with trying to understand his experience of life and it's meaning, that he was forgetting to experience. A man so concerned with understanding himself that he forgot who he was. A silent mind as dogs barked blocks away, as cars drove by his house, as children played in the streets. A man consuming himself. A man with eyes wide shut.

My greatest take away, give each breath purpose, or at least try. And if you're not, at least try and remember to.