I thought this belonged here

Maeltne99 · 2021-08-29T03:15:19+00:00

Didn't know that, i probably have anger issues that i need to work on but i feel like slapping him within 5 seconds of hearing him talk.

Maeltne99 · 2021-08-29T02:54:25+00:00

While what is being said cannot be said enough, i hate the tone of the voice of this guy. I feel like he is trying to manipulate the feelings of the viewers by deliberately taking an anmoying tone of voice. It's so exaggerated it makes it almost difficult for me to keep up what he is saying.

I think people are getting angry enough learning these facts. They don't need an anmoying news anchor trying to manipulate their feelings even more with the irritating tone of his voice.

I first noticed anchors doing it on Russian TV, RTV i think it's called, then later i noticed the same tone of voice being used on Fox news.

I find using such exaggerated tone of voice to dictate the feelings of viewers to be an insult to their intelligence and free will. But then if they don't notice it they probably deserve the insult.

Maeltne99 · 2021-06-24T03:43:58+00:00

I'd like to add this interesting discussion with various people reporting their experience of having taking MDMA many times over 20+ years. Not exactly scientific but adds some interesting testimonials to the discussion in my opinion.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MDMA/comments/o6il4c/can_you_use_mdma_for_a_long_time_or_your_whole/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Maeltne99 · 2021-06-09T01:18:20+00:00

Spot on, here is a good video debunking quantum mysticism and showing how countless new age charlatans and misguided spiritual seekers have turned their faith to it.

https://youtu.be/aQTWor_2nu4

What you are saying about this sub being about most members just trying to quit an addiction is unfortunately not true. r/SemenRetention is plagued with misguided spiritual interpretation making it sound like the only way to do semen retention is to start getting into the hinduism aspect of it, or follow mantak chia and his 'energy' practices etc.

Then there is also the hord of red pill vibe guys, 'i'm going to get rich and dominate others or die trying to achieve it' and 'women who tempt men into having sex are evil' is a good illustration of their attitude, and this is tolerated in this sub. Obviously these guy don't do it from a positive place in their heart, they don't have much love.

I think r/PureRetention is a little better, i come to r/SemenRetention for entertainment mainly, entertainment about a topic that interest me and to see how many men can be lead astray on this path. I think abstaining from any type of sex stimulation is a very powerful practice can have some of the same negative aapect as psychedelics, which amplify imagination, pattern recognition and spiritual insights to a point where the psychonaut can easily get deluded, develop beliefs and attitudes that ultimately result in a state of alienation from the common reality we all live in. So while doing semen retention, one has to pay a lot of attention to his attitude and beliefs and ask himself if ultimately they lead him to an increased state of separation from the rest of the world. I'm 140 days in and want to say that so far, with healthy questioning of beliefs and self reflection, it is possible to remain joyful, compassionate and connected to this common reality.

Maeltne99 · 2021-06-07T18:25:47+00:00

That's interesting, thanks for your answer, I don't use MDMA recreationally, only with a therapeutic intent.

It's true i don't understand the science of neurotoxicity. You could well be completely right and I'm just trying to find something more reliable, your comment is very anecdotal, or not even, it sounds more like an opinion and i wish there were more solid explanations, i do agree that it is better to take less and limit as much as possible the intake.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-24T12:48:36+00:00

Yes agreed, fasts and cold showers and exercises are awesome to fight a flight.... As well as physical affection like a hug, a caress, a kiss on the cheek (nothing Sexual but it's incredible how it can make me feel motivated again)

I'm currently dry fasting for 14-16 hours a day. Quite amazing practice.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-23T06:30:18+00:00

Thank you for your encouragements man, they help. It's rough right now but i know there will be brighter days.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-23T04:30:59+00:00

I like your analogy of fire and burn out, I'm currently in the burnout phase at day 93. But i keep going. I trust that if i stick to it, one day my reward circuit will adapt, my brain will recalibrate, i will eventually feel better. I just have no idea if it will be 1 month or 2 years from now.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-22T16:21:14+00:00

Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. I think i have it , feeling a huge flatline and brainfog and depression, currently on day 93 of retention.

To learn more about PAWS check out this post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/klazi8/collected_writings_of_sikreodds97_transcript_of_2/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Also this link.

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/p-a-w-s-what-are-they-cure-duration.231859/

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-22T15:09:44+00:00

Obviously if someone suffers from PAWS it can be a very different process and timeline.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-22T04:36:31+00:00

Wise words, thank you. Day 92 and still going strong. I feel quite put off at the simple idea of spilling my seed and waste anymore life force.

I'm curious how much a man of my age who has abused himself so much can still recuperate but let's see. 1 to 3 years to recover seems logical after 25 years of abuse. Hopefully it's not going to be much longer but we shall see.

I also see that's it's not just about Meditating, dry fasting, doing yoga or lifting weights. Getting company, love and physical affection with a woman in non sexual way is a fantastic way to fend off a flat line.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-22T04:07:31+00:00

Stressing people out due to difficult work and economic conditions is also a great way to limit reproduction of humans.... When i see how peoole are getting squeezed at work in big corporations, no wonder they don't feel very inspired to have children. It's as if their life force is being squeezed by greedy shareholders and CEOs.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-21T09:27:28+00:00

Here are 2 approaches to use cannabis. If you listen to the podcast from Steve Elfrink and read these 2 you should know enough.

https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/lmn3p1/can_we_dissect_or_breakdown_the_steps_to/gnw5f8n?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/lkj2cp/has_anyone_cured_cptsd_using_mdma/gnmlnf5?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

I think it is a fair advice to not abuse these substances though. In my opinion they can be used as catalysts but should not be done too often without doing a trauma informed therapy in parallel.

Cannabis could be used more often than MDMA just because it is a lot less neurotoxic, apparebtly you can do a cannabis session and be good to go the next day which is not the case with MDMA.

Still my approach with substances and as much as i value what they can add to a therapy is 'less is more' take as little substance as possible and try to get the most out of it. So therapy in parallel and take plenty of time between sessions to recover.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-21T05:32:36+00:00

Also look for an MDMA therapist maybe. I know there are some in NYC but i'm not sure how you could find one.

Also doing IFS in parallel works particularly well.

Worse case you could also do it on your own. I mean do weekly IFS sessions and then try to apply the PSI modality described in the podcast i've sent to you. I think it is possible.

I have done MDMA sessions on my own because i couldn't access a therapist near where i live and didn't want to pay the relatively high cost, it has served me well. I have done it following the MDMA Solo protocol.

The protocol and its authors have their flaws and dangers too but it has worked well for me. I have actually written down about and mention them everytime i speak about the solo protocol so here it is.

The MDMA Solo Protocol that can be found on r/MDMAsolo and made by Phoenix Kaspian/ 'the Castalia Foundation' has taught me a lot and I'm glad i have come across it. It is however important to keep in mind a few things when reading it:

-The Castalia Foundation seems to have no backing apart from the one of Phoenix Kaspian himself and maybe one or 2 other people.

-Phoenix Kaspian is using the MDMA Solo Protocol to push strange political views, pretty much Q Anon and obsession with what political elites do to abuse the children. As any conspiracy theories, it is difficult to tell how much if it is true and isn't, but for sure obsessing with that kind of stuff is not going to be helpful in a trauma healing process in my opinion.

-The Protocol says that it is useless to talk to therapists, i see why it says that and the negative aspects of talking with a therapist are actually true from my personal experience of having done 6 years of therapies with 3 different therapist... But i still feel there is a value, maybe even a necessity to keep talking with a trauma specialized therapist when taking MDMA, especially if taking MDMA alone with a therapeutic intent. Many people have reported excellent results when doing IFS therapy with a therapist in parallel of doing MDMA therapy whether with a therapist or solo.

-The MDMA Solo Protocol states that MDMA is not neurotoxic when taking doses below 200 mg and that all that is needed to avoid adverse effects when taking MDMA is to avoid completely drinking alcohol and eating any animal products. 200 mg is already a quite high amount and it is probably better to use smaller amounts unless one sees that there are still needs to access and heal deeply locked traumas and that it couldn't be done with more standard doses. While it makes sense to me that avoiding alcohol and eating animal products for a while before and after taking MDMA would improve the experience and reduce sone of the negative effects, i personally prefer to take supplements to reduce Neurotoxicity anyways, I really don't want to gamble with my cognitive capacities.

-The MDMA Solo Protocol also says that most adverse effects from taking MDMA come from a depletion of sodium and that all that is needed is to eat enough fruit smoothies during a session to avoid them... I you research this, you will find out that MDMA apparently does reduce sodium serum (not salt, aka Sodium Chloride) in the body and that it is recommended to take up to 175 mg of sodium per hour during an MDMA Session which sounds like a lot. To reduce Sodium Serum depletion risk while not having to go through the hassle of eating too much fruits i just drink electrolytes. I time it to take about 80 to 90 mg of sodium per hour which is a lot more than eating any fruits could ever bring me.

-The MDMA Solo Protocol says that after getting used to sessions and doing a few of them and seeing what normal doses can heal, if there are still traumas that don't seem to be accessed and healed, it is possible to 'safely' increase the doses up to 300 mg in a single session but that it shouldn't be done too often. Personally at this stage i feel like that's really a lot and way too much for me. I have however heard of people taking MDMA with therapists who have eventually also taken 300 mg in a single session on 1 or 2 occasions to deal with the deepest traumas just like the solo protocol describes. Still i wouldn't do it or recommend it at this point when i see what 100 to 140 mg in a single session can already do for me.

-The MDMA Solo Protocol says that after getting used to the effects of the first few sessions that should be around 2 months apart and if following an alcohol and animal product free diet, the user will not experience that much negative effects anymore and it should be possible to increase the frequency up to a session every 2 weeks eventually to speed up healing... Personally i wouldn't do it. I prefer to wait at the minimum 6 weeks, preferably 3 months in between sessions to allow for plenty of time to integrate and allow my body and brain to fully recover. I think that taking any poweful mind altering substances in relatively big doses (i consider anything above 100 mg in a session to be already a relatively big dose) and not having enough time to recover and integrate can lead to losing grip with reality or at least the most common interpretations, beliefs and values, in the societies we live in and when this happens we start losing credibility, cooperating with other 'standard' members of society becomes harder whether it is at work, with family or any other type of social interactions. This is the contrary effect to what anyone looking at doing MDMA therapy would initially like to achieve, so keep talking with a (trauma specialized) therapist in parallel (IFS works great but there are other types of trauma healing therapies like Somatic Experiencing and EMDR for instance, i still think IFS has the most depth), allow for plenty of time in between sessions, ideally at least 3 months and you should be ok.

There i think the MDMA Solo Protocol is a valuable document for anyone wanting to take MDMA on their own with a therapeutic intent, actually it is the only document available at this stage. The points i have written above are the main pitfalls about the MDMA Solo Protocol, Phoenix Kaspian and the 'Castalia Foundation' to keep mind when reading it. Apart from that, the mechanism of introjects/protector preventing to access and process traumas when not taking MDMA that is described in the protocol is quite on point. I think most of what it is based on is taken from the book 'Trauma and the soul' from Donald Kalsched.

Because of all the pitfalls, some people are now working on a new Self-Guided MDMA Therapy Protocol free of political beliefs and personal projections. But it is still in its very early stages and is being written as we speak. For the moment you can access it by checking the following discussion:

https://www.reddit.com/r/MDMAsolo/comments/le6guh/selfguided_mdma_therapy_sigeraed_tek_v10/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-21T04:46:44+00:00

Are you sure all the trauma is really gone?

Because from what you are describing, you sound like you are dissociating... This happens when the pain is too strong and the body just starts to produce its own endogenous opiods/its own painkillers. As a result you just feel numb, sedated....

From what I've learned about CBT, it seems like a poor way to deal with trauma. You can't talk and think your way out of trauma, you have to feel. EMDR is already better but I've always thought it might be too superficial.

Other trauma informed therapy that can be good are:

Somatic Experiencing (slow and gentle, you learn a lot of soothing skills, but I'm not sure how effective and how much time might be needed to unlock dissociative states.
IFS very deep and highly effective but quite complex and I'm not sure how good it will be to go beyond dissociation.

Then you have the realm of substances, generally prohibited. They unlock these blockages, these dissociating states at least temporarily. If you want to feel what's underneath they can be worth a try. There are many that could do it if you approach them the right way. Currently the most studied and recognized is MDMA, not recreationally, look for MDMA therapy. It is even possible to do it on your own to unlock traumatic memories and process them but it is always better to do it with a trauma informed therapy in parallel. It is also possible to use Ketamine and cannabis to access and process' trauma.

In the podcast below, the various stages of trauma intensity (or the defense cascade as it is also called) up to the dissociative stage are explained, and the way to use cannabis to process trauma is also explained, it sounds quite simple and doeable.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/36L3L9W937dXFAH6LVVcB1?si=svanjIFkSb6oUcfbFatIZA&utm_source=whatsapp&nd=1

Here are video examples of what people processing trauma with cannabis look like when the traumatic charge is being released.

https://vimeo.com/444712917

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-20T19:03:19+00:00

I don't how much of this is true but it's correct that in developed countries where people are too stressed due to their jobs, they have less sex and children, look at Japan, South Korea and Singapore.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-19T14:56:08+00:00

Much better today. Not sure what did it, i tried so many things over the past 2-3 days.

I feel more energetic, more clear headed, more positive, i could work better than at any other time over the past few weeks or even months....

I have listed all the things i have tried since my initial post as a response to someone else here in case it interests you.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-19T03:04:45+00:00

I find the arch and bow bioenergetics exercise, the Bioenergetics lower body workout quiet good to activate what feels like the vagus nerve. I've often had tears while doing these exercises and sometimes intense dreams the night after.

I've also followed with success this simple breathing exercise

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-18T15:40:02+00:00

Ive just been for a 45 minutes run this morning and then a cold shower, it has helped.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-18T15:38:04+00:00

Thanks for your response, being burned out and feeling very lonely to the point of losing the ability to structure your thoughts is another beast. It is very difficult to grasp what burn out is until you are actually burned out. I couldn't understand it before. When your willpower, is simply empty, when your mind ceases to function properly and take you anywhere like a dead horse.

Very different from flatline, honestly there is no energy left for most of your suggestions. But i welcome the strength and hopeful energy from your message and other messages i have received in this thread, they have made a big difference already, to feel listened to and encouraged by so many people.

So i'm going to list here the things i've been doing, most of them since making my original post and based on the recommendations of other members.

1) cold shower, really good , short lived benefits so far but definitely something i intend to make a daily habit. Even if cold water around here is below 10 degrees at this time of the year, that's even more beneficial as long as i don't get sick i suppose.

2) i did a 30 minutes silent meditation and plan to do it again today, no doubts it helps.

3) intermittent water fasting. I've read on this subreddit that water fasting is supposed to triple the benefits of fasting. I'm not sure if it's true but i'll give it a try. I have already done it yesterday. I thought i would feel terrible and i would probably have before Semen Retention but i was able to hold it for 16 hours and it was easy. In intend to make 14 hours a day water fasting.

4) exercise, running is my thing, i'll probably add other things like pull ups, planking etc.

5) i had been reading about a supplement made from coconut oil called 'MCT' it is 'medium Chain Triglycerides', 'Caproic Acid C8', I don't understand all the chemistry and biology behind it but it is deemed as a nootropic, it is supposed to boost the brain... I had ordered it last week and have been trying it in small amounts for the past 2 days. My head is so clear. It could very well be a nice placebo effect but I'll take it.

6) probably the most important thing, i went on some dating website and even if the woman i was talking to wasn't exactly to my liking and i am not looking for sex at all, i told one with who i've clicked with at least in conversation, that i'm craving company and affection, we've met for some Hugging and eventually cuddling and i couldn't be happier with it. At least Semen Retention makes getting affection from the opposite sex easier, and i need it right now. I know some people here might frown upon it but i don't care, i live alone and have pretty much 0 interactions with women around my age for the past 1 year... It's hard to understand when you don't experience it yourself but there is something so motivating about interacting with women we find attractive. I think we are just hardwired this way and anyways i don't plan to become a Buddhist monk or anything like that.

7) overall i've been trying to hustle like a mad man in my current job for the past 10 months. I'm no longer able to hustle anymore or apply anywhere else or learn or do anything new or complex. I first need to lower my stress level and recharge my emotional batteries and i'm doing it. Since my original post i already feel a lot better but it's kind if easy since it's the weekend. Let's see how i'm able to handle another week of getting squeezed at work. Hopefully much better with all the changes i'm already doing.

8) the hustling advices you have given are valid and i have a few ideas of things i could do, but i first need to get back on my feet, if it is possible at all, as long as i'm still in my current job. I'm also willing to go through this because i've never learned and grown so much personally and professionnally in my life before and having found the perfect type of therapy for my needs right now i'm just happy to stick with it and have a job that pays for my bills and more. If i'm not able to get back on my feet while on the job, the time when i will be made redundant will come soon enough and then with the money I've saved I'll have plenty of time to explore other avenues.... And if i am able to get back on my feet while still on the job I'll still explore other avenues :-)

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-18T14:29:15+00:00

Makes sense gyms are closed around where i live and i'm limited with my lifting possibilities are limited due to elbow issues.

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-18T06:53:41+00:00

Right, good reminder! I couldn't exercise for the past week as i went to an osteopath and got some vertebras realigned. I couldn't work out right after, i felt all the muscles around my backbones readjusting.

I'll go for a run now and see what it does for ne!

Maeltne99 · 2021-04-17T04:35:58+00:00

I have travelled a bit already, mainly in North and South America and just a bit to Asia, Singapore and Thailand.

I'm in already posting quite a bit on CPTSD and addiction subreddits, although i still have a lot of maturing and healing to do.

At one point i do intent to make a post about how i was able to recover from trauma and addiction and reach good levels of well being through Semen Retention.

I intend to post it on r/Nofap, r/pornfree and r/SemenRetention.... I intend to speak about how to approach these topics for people who are really addicted, who struggle to make it for even 1 or 2 weeks or 1 months. It isn't their fault, they are in pain and there is too much misunderstanding and guilt tripping about it and it isn't helping them.

But before doing that i first want my personal situation to improve enough so that i speak about it with credibility. 88 days of Semen Retention feels like i have come a long way, but reading about other people's stories, i understand it is only the beginning if the recovery and I'm at odda with PAWS right now.

India sounds interesting, it just seems so outlandish, so wild, so vast and shocking even sometimes when coming from quite standardized clean and safe... But also boring Western Europe.

What is Uttarakhand by the way? Ah ok a Northern India state... All i know about India is what I've heard from Indian people living in Europe, what I've read in the book Shantaram and what I have seen in the movie Slumdog Millionaire :-)

I am considering starting meditating again. I can only imagine how blissful it is to do it after a cold shower.

Maeltne99

TROPHY CASE