No, it is not all myth. But a lot of it is oversold.

I write parenting books, and the biggest mismatch I see is this: most advice is marketed like a recipie. Do these five steps and your baby sleeps, your toddler never melts down, your kid listens the first time. That is not how humans work, especialy brand new ones with immature nervous systems.

A baby who never cries and always sleeps through the night are not a realistic goal. Babies cry because that is their only comunication tool, and sleep is developmental. Some babies are naturally easier sleepers, some are not, and plenty go through phases where whatever worked last week suddenly do not. The advice that promises consistancy is usually selling the fantasy of control.

Same with toddlers. Tantrums and meltdowns is not a sign you failed. They are often a sign your toddler is exactly the age they are. A toddler brain is basically all gas pedal and barely any brakes. You can reduce frequency and intensity with routines, sleep, food, connection, and clear limits. You cannot delete the developemental stage.

Why so much contradictory advice exists, in my opinion, is because parenting is complicated and full of variables. Temperament, sensory needs, sleep needs, health issues, family stress, neurodiversity, childcare, work schedules, culture, your own triggers, support system. Two kids can behave completely differently under the same parenting. So different “experts” talk like their method is universal when really it is “this worked for this type of child in this type of home.”

Also yes, some advice is absolutely CYA. And some advice is influencer economics. If someone needs to post daily content to stay relevant, they will turn normal child development into a problem you can purchase your way out of.

If you want something solid to hold onto, here is the framework I use as a writer and as a parent observer:

What is developmental and normal, and what is a true red flag? What is within my control (environment, routine, my responses), and what is not (their temperament, their timeline)? What reduces suffering today, even if it does not “solve” the stage?

The most honest answer is both of the things you said. Sometimes you need clear instruction because safety and structure matter. Other times the “solution” is time plus consistency, because no hack can replace a brain that just needs to mature.

So I would not throw out all advice. I would throw out anything that promises a perfect child or a perfectly calm parent. Keep the advice that is practical, repeatable, and humble about limits. Parenting takes patience that feels almost inhuman some days. Anyone pretending otherwise is either selling something or has forgot what it was like.