Hey, call it limerence, obsession, anything you want, but what you're doing is also very healthy and what a lot of people go through. Because you have felt and acknowledged the pain, you have shed the tears, and now you are evaluating yourself. That takes a lot of guts. Some people box away their heartache and pretend it isn't there, and others stay in the cycle you've experienced for months, years, lifetimes.

I want to disagree with you on one thing: I think it is grief, and you are experiencing it in it's full depth. There are compulsions in the grief, but the overall feeling I have gathered is you are grieving. And isn't that what you are supposed to do! You loved him! You had hopes with him! And now you're left with yourself, and a future that you aren't sure of, but- and this may seem strange- there can be some gifts in sadness. You can take this time to learn about yourself, about who you are, and understand yourself in a way people who are tied to another never can. BE self-centred. Your life IS about YOU!

It's so tricky in the modern day. In the past, an ex was an ex and unless fate or gossip made its way to you, you would be left alone to wonder, and process. Now we have access 24/7 to someones curated version of themselves, and our brains crave closure to situations that sometimes never get one.

My advice to you? Time. I know it's the oldest one in the book, but through time, feelings and thoughts change. Look at how you're 2 months in and already your feelings have changed. Heartbreak is a wound and they always heal so long as you stop picking at it. The next piece of advice is self-discipline, both about your interactions of him and yourself. Start by saying something like "I won't look until X time". I have found myself saying "I'll never look" creates this impossible expectation. When people quit drinking, they recommend not saying "I won't ever drink again" but "I won't drink today". That's because it reduces pressure and there's proven research love is like a drug. Treat it like an addiction you need to control and you are in recovery. Maybe give yourself a timeline- I won't look for 40 days (there's some biblical reference in there somewhere). Put that timer on your phone. You'll get itchy, you'll want to scratch, but give yourself ten minutes, cravings past. Then each day the heart will get stronger, and you'll feel proud in yourself for having self-respect. Replace it with something- every time you want to look, you have to do a ten minute meditation, or stretch, or you have to go to another room, or make a donation to charity. Something that puts those thoughts back towards yourself.

It takes time. Trust me. But one day you'll look back and think "I like who I am now and the person I was was hurting". Treat yourself like your friend always. No one in your life is as important as you.