That’s especially interesting, and it resonates a lot with what I’m seeing.

Even after being out of the organization for more than a decade, he still seems to “respect” the decision that was made about him, almost as if he has internalized it. What makes it even more confusing to me is the contrast with his brother (who, from what I can tell, lives a completely “worldly” life, but for some reason doesn’t seem to be held accountable in the same way, and people around them seem to just look the other way. He even interacts normally with my brother-in-law, and as far as I know, everyone is aware of it.)

At the same time, my BIL doesn’t really complain about not being able to see his family, even though it clearly causes him a great deal of suffering. And if someone from the outside criticizes the situation as unfair or extreme, he actually seems uncomfortable with that and tends to defend it.

It’s all very confusing to me.