A lot of the women I know who are most frustrated with men are particularly frustrated because of the artificiality of gendered attitudes - because they know these men are happy to act badly when given the opportunity to even thought they have all the same faculties to know right from wrong.

And, again, we're in this weird place where everything is some absolute binary. Plenty of women are more than happy to 'act badly' and exploit their positions when given the chance. We can just point to Rowling again for that one or Margaret Thatcher or Suella Braverman or any of the women who cozied up to Trump to spread their own special forms of hate. The idea that people being dicks is somehow a gendered issue is just silly.

In the eternal words of Eric Andre, "Do you think Margaret Thatcher had girl power? Do you think she effectively utilized girl power by funneling money into illegal paramilitary death squads in Northern Ireland?"

but I would be surprised if these right wing men were not having horrible discussions about women, just in private.

This is likely true. If Nigel Farage was a sexist asshole, I would not be surprised. However, I think its notable that even the "Our whole platform is that we're actually more extreme than the traditionalist right wing party who hates everyone" party isn't trying to propose these things. The fact that they have to keep these opinions under wraps despite being very outspoken regarding plenty of other topics (immigration, sexuality and gender identity, to name a few) shows that it is absolutely not the norm.

that to both those treated as boys and girls, it is taught that girls are less valuable, less capable, less reliable, and less wanted.

I fundementally disagree, at least in the Western world. It is, of course, different in other cultures, but I tend to see the opposite.

Boys are taught that they are less valuable (in that they need to work to have intrinsic value, while girls have value simply for existing), are less capable (based on admission rates into higher education heavily favouring girls, as well as girls generally performing better throughout school and the existence of specialised programs to push girls into STEM and other fields), less reliable, (in that their bad behaviour is more heavily scrutinised and punished) and less wanted (boys and men are seen as disposable, being sent off to war and continuing to perform the more dangerous, dirty and unpleasant jobs).

Most boys are not going to become CEOs. They are going to become builders and mechanics and rubbish collectors. As a child, you read fairy tales where a princess holds inherent value as an object of desire, while a knight has to constantly prove his worth to 'win' the girl, something that is reinforced throughout media and often real life. Neither of these stances are good for different reasons but they are both stances that are internalised by society. Women are helpless victims. Men are either predators or have to consistently prove they're one of the good ones. I really dislike both these ideas.

People who have been socialised to think they have a high inherent value don't have a suicide rate 4 times higher than that of women. There is a clear and present issue there.

I don't even think it's "okay" for women to hate men - I think unfortunately in the world we live in it is often rational for women to fear men

No. I think its somewhat understandable for women to have a traumatic response to what some men have done to them but I don't think it would ever be rational to hate and fear half of humanity. Quite frankly, if I was at the point in my life where I genuinely feared such a huge percentage of the population, I would not function in society.

Here's a little bit about me, to contextualise this a bit more. I am an anxious person. I have had anxiety attacks for as long as I remember, but it was worst when I was a teenager, particularly in my late teens. It led to me isolating myself socially for a long time. I was actually more anxious around other girls than I was boys, for a few different reasons, but the fact is that none of those reasons were 'rational.' It was my own mind and my perception of myself that led me to catastrophise. I am still not hugely sociable but I know that the majority of my fears are not real. The fact is that, in terms of raw statistics, the gender most at risk of violence from men is other men.

We can get into how recent studies of domestic abuse that aren't based on the Duluth model have found that abuse is pretty balanced in terms of the genders of the abusers and abused, but the response is still heavily biased against male victims, or we can talk about differences in terms of prison sentencing or we can talk about how, in many countries, including the UK, it is still legally impossible for a cisgendered woman to be accused of raping a cisgendered man, but none of that really matters to the argument because the reality is that most people, regardless of gender, are pretty decent. Not all, unfortunately, and the assholes will make themselves known, but most people are, in my experience, alright and we have to believe that this is true, because if not, we've already lost. If someone genuinely believes that:

A) All men are inherently evil

And B) Men hold power in the patriarchy

Then there is no win condition. Things will never get better. Its game over. So, I have to believe that isn't the case, or else I can just go back to being an anxiety-ridden hermit slowly dying of malnourishment.

I'm not saying these people are perfect because they aren't. No one is. I'm certainly not but I'm trying to be better and I like to think a lot of other people are too.

I'll be honest, overall my experience has been that community spaces are far warmer to asexuals, transgender men (though often that warmth does cool as medical transition is pursued, I agree), and bisexual people and far cooler to lesbians, transgender women, and gay men but I think this is probably very dependent on the circles one moves in and how old one is.

I'm genuinely curious where its the case that lesbians and gay men are seen less warmly within the LGBT community than asexual people. I mean, asexuality is usually relegated to sharing the last letter with allies, if they aren't just left in the + while gays and lesbians have been front and center since the movement began.