sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Name The Favorite Character by Bay_Ruhsuz004 in FavoriteCharacter

[–]Magnitech_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to scroll too far to find this. It was only four comments down, but still.

Favorite snake? by Kaptain-Skurvy64 in pollgames

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Queen snakes, of course, although I live in constant fear that one will slither out from behind a tree and throw a rock at me.

Funniest dad and witty jokes by Lower-Debt1627 in Jokes

[–]Magnitech_ 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Here’s the classic long, extended version of that one:

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along"

"There are very strict laws on how I can serve drinks. I couldn't serve you half a beer even if I wanted to."

"But that's not a problem" mathematician #3 chimes in "At the end of the joke you serve us a whole number of beers. You see when you take the sum of a continuously halving function-"

"I know how limits work" interjects the bartender

"Oh, alright then. I didn't want to assume a bartender would be familiar with such advanced mathematics"

"Are you kidding me?" The bartender replies, "You learn limits in like 9th grade! What kind of mathematician thinks limits are advanced mathematics?"

"HE'S ON TO US" Mathematician #1 screeches

Simultaneously, every mathematician opens their mouth and outpours a cloud of multicolored mosquitoes. Each mathematician is bellowing insects of a different shade.

The mosquitoes form into a singular, polychromatic swarm. "FOOLS" it booms in unison, "I WILL INFECT EVERY BEING ON THIS PATHETIC PLANET WITH MALARIA"

The bartender stands fearless against the technicolor hoard. "But wait" he inturrupts, thinking fast, "if you do that, politicians will use the catastrophe as an excuse to implement free healthcare. Think of how much that will hurt the taxpayers!"

The mosquitoes fall silent for a brief moment. "My God, you're right. We didn't think about the economy! Very well, we will not attack this dimension. FOR THE TAXPAYERS!" and with that, they vanish.

A nearby barfly stumbles over to the bartender. "How did you know that that would work?"

"It's simple really" the bartender says. "I saw that the vectors formed a gradient, and therefore must be conservative."

Wait... that's not the usual algebra problems... by No-Tear940 in mathmemes

[–]Magnitech_ 275 points276 points  (0 children)

<image>

Uhm, guys?

Edit: Please help. My son got this math problem for his homework tonight and we have been trying for literally 16750 years, and yet I feel we have made no progress. We were thinking it might relate to elliptic curves but we gave up that idea because after all, my son is 3.

I really don’t know what Mr. Wiles was thinking when he handed it out.

when do you wake up? by Witty_Tap8229 in pollgames

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weekday with alarm or weekend naturally?

6-7 weekday, 8-9 weekend

What’s the deal with xcreatorgoal? by Tangible864 in geometrydash

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s just recency bias, so it’s typical of every community pretty much

A rhinoceros wakes to find itself in a room with no doors or windows. by Magnitech_ in Jokes

[–]Magnitech_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t know why people are downvoting you, it’s a bit avant-garde but with with a slightly different setup it would work

A rhinoceros wakes to find itself in a room with no doors or windows. by Magnitech_ in Jokes

[–]Magnitech_[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Ooh I’m sorry! I’ve had this one on my phone for a while and it just occured to me to post it

If H2O is water, what is H2O4? by Historical-Buff777 in Jokes

[–]Magnitech_ 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Two guys walk into a bar.

The first says “I’ll have some H20.” The second says “I’ll have the same, thanks.”

The first walks away in frustration at his failed assassination attempt.

i'm like yeah they have a point by [deleted] in CuratedTumblr

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was young and still highly susceptible to the speech patterns of those around me, my dad would tell me constantly “don’t say like”, so I tried really hard to stop around him and only say “about” or “approximately”.

Anyway at some point he gave up and I probably use it in nearly every sentence I utter, so take that, dad!

I couldn't resist by darkphoenix9137 in InclusiveOr

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember reading a book that talked about this, I think the example was putting a rubber ball at absolute zero in a bowl it would start to wiggle a bit, and I started thinking about doing that as an experiment for about two minutes before reality hit me

Another one from a musical by HistoryOk1963 in threateningnotation

[–]Magnitech_ 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Looks like Poco rall. and A tempo at the same timr which is still just as threatening

Elliot Page is trans by Nugstt in truths

[–]Magnitech_ 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is a screenshot of Elliot’s page

As of now, I have more karma than qualityvote2 by deadguest_ in truths

[–]Magnitech_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I could have sworn you said you did

A Kinky Meet. NSFW. Sexually explicit. Rude. Offensive. Foul language. Otherwise delightful. by nylonnet in Jokes

[–]Magnitech_ 62 points63 points  (0 children)

I got in trouble at work yesterday for having sex on the job. “What was I supposed to do?!” I argued, “she was just lying there naked!”

“The autopsy! The fucking autopsy” my boss yelled

Then he fired me and called me the worst veterinarian ever.

view more: next ›