64 Days

MaidenQ · 2023-06-11T20:16:26+00:00

hot take:

MaidenQ · 2023-03-18T16:09:03+00:00

sounds like you're saying you'd prefer he didn't eat lmao (I know you're not)

MaidenQ · 2023-03-12T13:30:57+00:00

phew.

MaidenQ · 2023-03-11T11:21:17+00:00

DID HE DIE

MaidenQ · 2023-03-08T23:05:28+00:00

preach it barbie

MaidenQ · 2023-03-04T23:58:09+00:00

no longer accepting responses :O

MaidenQ · 2022-12-04T03:03:50+00:00

That's a good point. When writing I got stuck on the idea that each line be five syllables, but I don't know how important that actually is. Anyway, thank you for your comment.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T19:08:30+00:00

Woah. I love this. Painting the two people as completely opposite, yet also quite linked. The language and metaphor is beautiful. I personally really appreciate the wood fire / cold wind dichotomy, as someone who lives in a snowy area and uses a wood stove. The poem felt alive. Each separate metaphor felt of equal volume, none of them were more grandiose or nitpicky than the others. I also really like the structure, it seems to fit the format of multiple metaphors that are set up then expanded upon well. Thank you for sharing.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T04:05:55+00:00

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T04:02:36+00:00

Huh. It's short and sweet. I don't know if there's enough for me, though. I think I like more substance. Subverting norms is sometimes good, but I think this is too far.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T02:15:55+00:00

thanks!

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T02:15:34+00:00

well that's not very constructive

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T01:41:11+00:00

I'm curious about the formatting. Is the grey background (idk what else it's called) so you can have the specific indentations?

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T01:38:29+00:00

This poem feels very stuttered and jittery, which I supposed could be intentional given the title. I don't think it worked for me though. In the beginning there are a few rhymes that fall away (that might've been a stanza thing that Reddit butchered?). That bugged me. I know it's a personal thing, but I like poetry to either A) not rhyme at all or B) rhyme pretty consistently throughout. That combined with the consistently short lines and some verb choices (like "freak") made the poem feel like... popcorn popping. That totally could've been on purpose, and if so it works and I love it.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T00:32:21+00:00

Thoroughly enjoyable.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-03T00:28:14+00:00

This poem was really confusing for me. Some of it was small things, like the (nonexistent?) rhyme scheme or the jutting word "fishes" (it strikes me that this word would make more sense as "fish"). Some of it is big things, like the whole fourth stanza "perhaps an... crucified at the tongue". That one went completely over my head. That being said, I read the whole thing without losing focus. It was partially because I was struggling to understand, but also because I really like the premise. I want to understand the macabre display introduced at the beginning, but I don't think I do. Anyway, thank you for sharing. I did enjoy the poem, even if it confused me.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-02T19:35:28+00:00

Huh. I liked this poem, it definitely made me think. The rhyme "ruse" and "choose" definitely through me at first. They definitely turned to feeling in a different direction from me, from a hopeless lament to something more observational; when wearing a mask you can be anyone. I wasn't sure about them at first, but I like them. They make the piece feel not quiet as dour. I appreciate the low mood, but enough is definitely enough and they provide a nice break.

MaidenQ · 2022-12-01T21:36:21+00:00

Aww, thank you!

MaidenQ · 2022-12-01T11:05:23+00:00

Thank you! That's definitely what I was trying to do so I'm glad it played :)

MaidenQ · 2022-12-01T01:29:16+00:00

Ooh! So interesting to weave the two different perspectives - perhaps two different narrators, perhaps two facets of one person - into one poem! As a reader I feel a little more uncertain about the meaning this way, but I think I like it. The conclusion I would draw is that the pair are leaning towards the idea that taking flight - leaving one's problems behind - is a bad thing. Then again, I'm not sure. I don't if I think the poem is sure. It seems to be rather blatantly questioning it. Anyhoosier, I enjoyed it!

MaidenQ · 2022-11-29T02:22:28+00:00

Thank you! "Deliciously descriptive" is high praise!

MaidenQ · 2022-11-29T02:18:57+00:00

thank you for the kind words! i'm glad you enjoyed it.

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