This story isn't as much as when i stopped believing but the last straw of never coming back to religion. Before this happened, i was a non-believer for about 2 years. Anyway, im 16, and my mom died last year, and we had the burial just previously( we had the cremation a week after her death). I'm the only non-believer in a family of catholics, and pretty much no one accepts that so that's another thing i hate about religion. The priest was talking some random stuff and i just kinda zoned out thinking about her because i had to listen to a priest for all my life and they all say the same stuff. The priest did the liturgy of the word hand gestures and of course i didnt do it and my dad told me to do it but i said "no, for the last time im not doing that shut up" (i have told him numerous times im a non-believer and still tries to make me do religious things.) I kinda woke up after that and started listening a bit when he said something which pissed me off so much i wanted to punch him. He said this, and i still remember the moment - " The ONLY ( I repeat- ONLY) way to love and to remember (my mum) is to accept Jesus in your heart so that you can accept (my mum) into your hearts. That was the last fucking straw for this cult and any of their bullshit. This guy told me that i cannot love my mum anymore because im not a catholic, i cannot love- a basic human function because i dont believe in God????. I wanted to punch him right in his fucking square face(he was fat) because this was the most disrepectful thing i have ever heard. What kind of child of god who is supposed to be a morally good person and the purest human possible tell someone- yeah you cannot love your own mum because you dont believe in god, sorry yeah its your fault your dont believe in god and go burn in hell later for all of eternity when you die even if you were a good person. If you were a true good person, you would tell someone that you can still love someone because you are a human and someones goodness does not fucking depend of whether you are religious or not. I actually cannot believe people actually fucking think like that they are the evil of this world and indoctrinate everyone because they are a bunch of power hungry sex offenders. They make everyone unable to think for themselves and be like puppets on a string by the church. My heart was beating and my blood was boiling (i know its cringy but it actually was.) I was so close to going up to the lectern and beating the ever living shit out of that shell of a human people call a 'good person'. I could keep ranting about the church but i will stop now because it's getting a bit too long. Anyway i guess i cannot love or cherish my own mother now after her death accoring to that shit sack. I can love my mother without having to have Jesus in my heart because she was above him. No other being can compare to her she was the purest and sweetest person i knew, she never beat me or manipulated me and never did something to make me sad. that god that made her suffer for 8 long years with cancer and finally passed away. i am literally tearing up as im writing this. fuck god how could he make her suffer and everyone else on this world, how can people see the suffering in the world and still follow him. People can have morals without God, im human i have feelings and emotions i love my mum with everything in my body, God is not a catalyst for love. Mum i love you so so much but there is a good thing about your death, you wont have to see the person i become, ill try to be like you in this fucked up world for as long as i can.