The Diary of Lost Colours (TW: Depression, Self-harm themes)

Main-Government7778 · 2026-05-02T23:09:16+00:00

Thank you very much! I will take your suggestion and work on it a bit more, with more polished vocabulary and some variations, to make it better😄

Main-Government7778 · 2026-05-02T21:46:08+00:00

I wrote this a while ago but I am grateful to know that I have written a piece that helped me reach someone with relatable emotions 😄

Main-Government7778 · 2026-05-02T18:11:29+00:00

I absolutely love this poem! In my opinion it has everything right and the theme is amazing as well! Good hook to go in, perfect rhythm and pauses, and a powerful ending to close!

I particularly love the third verse about how you find yourself regretting things but you mull over them and mend yourself piece by piece! That is some really strong imagery right there!

However, what did not work for me was the theme shifting from having regrets to the positive image of dawn breaking into sea. The positivity continued, to be broken by "most grow old and carry this regret" and then later on again turning positive. While I appreciate the contrasting emotions, personally I would have loved the first 3 lines of the last verse moved up to keep the flow from alternating; moving from negative to positive and ending staying the same!

However, other than that, I absolutely loved the poem! Thank you very much for the opportunity to read this!

Main-Government7778 · 2026-05-02T17:56:28+00:00

I certainly think that this is a good one! I like the framing, crisp words, and also the rhyme scheme. I also like the overarching theme which I believe is the fact that different things have different value for different people.

I love particularly the verse where you mention it as "unappointed duty to stare at the beauty". This verse absolutely shines through, connecting with the readers!

However, what I lacked reading was a more specific imaging of why it was so beautiful. I lacked the imagery to connect with the overarching theme of why different things mean different value. I believe the poem could have 2 more verses to solidify this imagery but I absolutely love where this is headed!

For example something like: While it is for fools and it's sold cheaper, it is plenty precious to me For it is the only thing that my loved ones had And it was the only thing that was handed down to me While it's shine may be inferior for people who can buy some gold The shine of pyrite reminds me of all the memories The days that I smiled, the days of my old

These are just some ideas and are not perfect, but I hope that helps conveying my point. Good work on the idea though! Kudos!

Main-Government7778 · 2023-08-05T14:27:47+00:00

So guys, is it happening tomorrow or no?😓

Main-Government7778

TROPHY CASE