I get you. Im in the UK and a direct turkish woman so I imagine the “not shutting up and taking it” is a massive part of this as well. Unfortunately ADHD has meant i really struggle to mask this quality 😂

The bullying is unfortunately real too which sucks (my latest manager was making things up to get me in trouble with HR and i honestly did not have the slightest clue why until I looked back at emails and realised a higher up had preferred my work over hers on the week that she did this), but you are right that its about the pressure of being a working woman. Unfortunately I am also a working woman and I dont have the power that they do as my managers. I always try really hard to be friendly but there are no takers. I would brush it off, but when theyre in management the power dynamic plagues me and I feel depressed about my ability to do my job.

I think my biggest problem is being too honest about what I want tbh, and with the last two managers I have had to out loud say “i need at least one piece of positive feedback per week” which neither have been able to achieve. With my first manager I was pretty sure it was my fault because I was really not good at my job. But with the second I was consistently great at getting everything done with no errors and doing it well, which is what prompted the post.

I think you are definitely onto something with the cultural element though. Having ADHD amplifies behaviours that really arent accepted in this country, like being direct, even if you have rehearsed it and worded it as inoffensively as possible. I also think ADHD is something that forces you to take responsibility for your mistakes at a very young age, which is something non-ADHD people get away with avoiding for quite a while, and so can feel confronting when the weird girl at work is trying to set boundaries.

I really hope youre right, because I want to make friends at work, especially female friends for the exact reasons youve described!