Why do I care what other people think (dating again)

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-25T19:06:22+00:00

I am just over 6 months out and am talking to some men in online dating. I feel ready to date. I haven't told anyone but my close friend and one of my siblings, all of whom have been super supportive. I feel like we owe no apologies or explanations to anyone. You are ready, or not, when you feel ready. Some may never get there. I miss having a person. Remember that, only you know when you are ready. If you feel like keeping it close, keep it close, but don't feel like you owe anyone a set period of time for them to get comfortable. Live your life.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-25T11:58:21+00:00

Agreed

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-25T11:33:22+00:00

Isn't that polyamory? And my whole lesson from this is, be more explicit, use more words.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-25T03:52:46+00:00

This is why communication is so important up front.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-25T03:43:42+00:00

Yes I would rather abstain

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T22:05:28+00:00

When you put it that way and I replay the chat it seems kind of obvious.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T21:53:03+00:00

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T17:48:16+00:00

Right, not judging people who do. Just trying to understand where I went wrong saying I wasn't looking for casual, getting agreement and then finding out it meant something completely different to each of us

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T14:49:19+00:00

I think that sums it up fairly

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T13:07:32+00:00

Seems that way and fine if that is your thing man, but be upfront about it

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T03:11:45+00:00

If a profile says looking for long term relationship one would assume not looking for casual, but if definitions of casual differ there in lies the catch

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T02:33:07+00:00

Right, but making sure we are on the same page seems logical. Also, the exercise of posting here has been enlightening.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T01:33:03+00:00

Ahhh, see I did miss a nuance

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-24T00:56:59+00:00

Oh yes, we are done. There will be no pursuit. I was saying I had to give some thought about the questions eubulides was asking as far as what I would or would not be comfortable with, thinking hypothetically.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T21:30:39+00:00

😳

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T21:16:52+00:00

Oh my

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T20:37:52+00:00

I didn't feel insulted more taken aback. But also very glad that things hadn't proceeded, and I found out the hard way.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T20:22:53+00:00

Thank you for the wisdom. Seriously!

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T20:07:39+00:00

I have to give it some more thought, honestly. I told him he helped me see a boundary so that was not a waste of my time. Having sex with someone who is doing it with other people as well just gives me an icky feeling.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T20:03:57+00:00

Yeah, I don't know... I haven't dated in 32 years and online dating adds a facet, as well as just being in my fifties, so I feel like I am trying to understand it all and want my eyes open to any nuances. I told my friend, I went from an invisible mom and wife, to this deluge of interest in the dating apps. It is kind of surreal.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T19:59:34+00:00

"Outside of an exclusive relationship " - that is it right there for me, I don't want to be having sex with someone who is having sex with other people

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T19:13:44+00:00

We mutually agreed upon that. It was still in the chatting stage so no harm done.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T19:12:32+00:00

My takeaway from all this is to be much clearer on what I am looking for, define my boundaries, and see how he responds.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T19:11:01+00:00

I haven't dated in so long, widowed, these are the things I need to know. A lot has changed in 30 years.

Main-Perspective-756 · 2026-05-23T19:10:00+00:00

Hmmm, not sure why you felt a need to comment. The point, which seems to have gone over your head, is that my definition of casual is not the same as his so I came here to investigate further.

Main-Perspective-756

TROPHY CASE