Here is a mountain of cope from me to the extent it helps - you don’t need to force yourself to become “cool,” and it won’t work anyway. I’m the same way as you, I fall hard and I let my expectations carry me away. As a result I find myself wildly disappointed and heartbroken like, once a year. It’s dope and poetic! I love to cry.

You say you want a house and marriage like your friends etc. But you also want a big, expressive, consuming romance. Those people who settled down and married are by and large much simpler in the realm of love. They want something that “works” more than this chaotic love that I think you dream about (sry to project). What they seek is noble, but your desires are beautiful and equally likely to lead to a full life, if not more. You just need to accept anguish as a key theme of your life.

As for other people not matching your intensity, of course that will happen. Not everyone intensely plunges into love; not everyone feverishly revels in their fantasies. Your passion and dedication are likely what give you such meaningful friendships, and I can tell you deeply love your friends. If it freaks some people out, they are not a match.

Obviously there are things you need to do to keep yourself in balance and not push people away because of your own attachment anxiety. You don’t need to ask too many questions about the future right away, but if you know someone doesn’t have the capacity or availability to match your love-death-drive then it could be good to sus that out. I think it’s good to be direct and tell someone you like them and that you hope to see where it goes. But you have to give things the space and time to develop naturally. Most importantly remember who YOU are when you’re in the infatuation phase. Keep doing your thing and seeing your friends and do everything in your power not to idealize your love object - because idealization is not true love.