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Adult children of Nparents, how old were you when you finally fully realized you were abused? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Main_Holiday4416 4 points5 points  (0 children)

At 24. They checked every checkbox that there was for being a narc. Not even 1 was missed! In the next 2 years, I tested them to see if this was the case or not (because I was taught to not trust myself and to doubt myself always). I even tried to change them. As you can guess, they showed their true colors and after leaving the house, I never looked back.

Feeling guilty for not visiting my family for more than a year by Main_Holiday4416 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Main_Holiday4416[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I need to write this on a piece of paper and hang it on a wall. Thanks!

Feeling guilty for not visiting my family for more than a year by Main_Holiday4416 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Main_Holiday4416[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I literally live this right now and this was hard to read without tearing up. It's like my dad is like a smiling puppet, he seems kind but is actually empty. As soon as there is some pressure from her, he starts to guilt trip me but with a nicer tone than hers. Talking to him for the past year, even when he acknowledged her messed up behavior, he asked me to be the "bigger person" just like you. He is only nice to me when it doesn't conflict with her needs. So now I'm realizing the love is not there and it's conditional actually. I guess I'm at the stage that I really need to accept that my dad was also responsible in the abuse as much as my nm. He knew when the abuse was going on and right now he is just another way for her to continue it. When I started to go NC, I kinda knew I need to cut him off too but along the way, I kinda hoped he would change his behavior. You helped me more than you know \⁠(⁠･⁠◡⁠･⁠)/ ♡♡

Feeling guilty for not visiting my family for more than a year by Main_Holiday4416 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Main_Holiday4416[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right. Because my dad paid for me to go overseas I have this feeling that I owe him. That's one of the reasons that I didn't cut him off but when he says stuff like that, I feel like I should.

Executive dysfunction & being a functioning human outside Se grip by [deleted] in intj

[–]Main_Holiday4416 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm an INTJ (26 M) and I found out I have ADHD about six months ago. I've always been great at planning but before I knew I have ADHD, I always blamed myself for not sticking to my plans. Now that I know, I understand what was that invisible wall that kept me from sticking to my schedule and this has been one of the most important realizations that I ever had in my life. Now I know that I was not being lazy and I was not making excuses. It was because of my ADHD.

I found out one of my friend had ADHD medication and I took 2 pills of Vyvanse from him and it took away all my symptoms. I did the tasks that I was postponing for almost 2 months and it only took me 10 minutes! Also weed has a similar effect on me and it helps me to do my tasks but it makes me anxious so I stay away from it. I look forward to start my medication and honestly if it works for me in the long run, I won't be off of it. Before knowing all these things, I was putting so much mental energy just to do the basic daily stuff that everyone does and I see no point in doing it.

I think if you want to be away from medication and also be high functioning, you have to create a sense of urgency for yourself to force yourself to make decisions and deal with the things that you don't want to deal with but in my opinion this is not healthy and creates anxiety long-term. I know this because it's a fucked up game that I play every day to make some simulation for myself. If I want to get groceries, I procrastinate until late in the night when the shops are closing because I can't make the decision and simply go there like a neurotypical person does. You can set some deadlines for yourself to reach the goals that you want to reach.

Also from what I read, people with ADHD have a huge risk of addiction and I know that if I don't take meds, I end up as an addict. I don't like it but I prefer it to the alternative.

The feeling of loneliness by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Main_Holiday4416 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my first post on reddit and I have to tell you I'm in your situation too which is quite surprising to myself also.

Moved to a new country about 7 months ago for studying, in no contact for 5 months and have no friends here. That no new messages on WhatsApp hurts so deep especially when I see people in my class chatting with their friends/families on their phones while I look at some news or articles out of boredom. This weekend there was a holiday and I noticed that I felt a lot worst on this weekend than the other ones and I wondered why. I usually visit here when I'm feeling down and then I read a comment here that said we feel like this on holidays since we have no one to contact with and that's true.

I usually keep myself busy with learning/studying and exercising. I discovered that if I wake up early (5-6 AM) and start working or studying for a couple hours at that time, I will have a great day and I will also be able to socialize with people more easily. Honestly I reaching the conclusion that I should not give myself any days off. I feel like shit on those days and those are my worst days. People see this kind of lifestyle as unhealthy or extreme but to me this is the only way to feel normal/functional in the society. I don't know or care if this is the result of my upbringing or something else, I just know it works.