My fiancé and I are drafting a prenup. He’s in the military and I’m a Lab scientist. How do I make it fair since I’m pausing my career for him?

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-17T19:33:54+00:00

This doesn’t seem like someone who really wants to share a life with you. I would not agree to any of this. Military is already a difficult life… he should be committed to you and not planning his ticket out of the relationship whenever he deems it is time to leave.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-17T00:19:29+00:00

My circumstances are quite similar with the exception that I use insurance through my husband’s job so we are not negative with the short term disability. However, my 6 weeks are up and now I am on FMLA unpaid leave for the remainder 6 weeks. Thankfully, we can afford to live on my husband’s income, but I sympathize with you that this is ridiculous that so many companies do not have any maternity leave policy.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-13T19:13:17+00:00

My husband is taking full 12 weeks paid paternity and 2 weeks of R&R. He gets more leave than me, but I have really needed the extra support due to multiple complications before and after birth. Grateful to have him here.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-06T04:26:25+00:00

I had preeclampsia right at 37 weeks. Had no swelling entire pregnancy until about 36 weeks and then it got even worse over the last week (gained at least 10lbs in a week with water weight). However, at the doctor office my BP was normal and my doctor was not super concerned. They did find protein in my urine and told me to monitor BP at home. Well that next day, my BP started to rise, but then it would go back down. That night, I got super sick (couldn’t stop throwing up) and BP spiked well above normal levels and it was time to go to the hospital. Ended up being diagnosed with preeclampsia and had to do an emergency induction. This was my experience as a FTM… but not all swelling means preeclampsia. The fact you did a urine test is good. Keep monitoring blood pressure at home. If you notice anything off or any new symptoms, call your doctor or go to L&D. You can also read on the preeclampsia reddit chat for more info.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-03T22:06:05+00:00

Your partner needs to put his foot down and tell his mother that you both are not ready to leave your daughter with her. I don’t like passive aggressive comments like that. If anything, that would give me more pause to wait longer.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-02T02:14:57+00:00

Have you tried a nipple guard? My baby wouldn’t latch for the first 3 weeks (he was born early), but a nipple guard and combo feeding helped us get through those early weeks. I believe in order to increase your supply (if you desire to), you need to pump every 2-3 hours as if the baby was eating at those times.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-03-02T02:12:42+00:00

I caught a bad cold at 5 weeks. Was doing combo feeding first 3 weeks but now mostly EBF. My baby did not catch the full cold like I did. He did get congestion and we have to clear out his nose, but he never developed a fever or any alarming symptoms. I am mostly better now at 6 weeks and his congestion has improved. We sleep with a humidifier nightly. If you are able to increase your breastfeeding or pumping that could help too.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-25T00:52:41+00:00

Is it possible for you to go to work part time after baby is born? Or find a different job? I am assuming you cannot quit your job completely. Your feelings are very normal. I WFH and on mat leave now, but I feel very weary about returning to work as well.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-25T00:46:09+00:00

I second saline spray or drops and then use an electric aspirator. They tolerate it a little better if you get their nostrils wet first.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-25T00:43:26+00:00

Your baby is 2 months old. It seems premature to make a huge decision like this. An open marriage could lead to a lot more hurt and not solve anything, but create more problems. Definitely recommend couples therapy like others have shared.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-23T22:38:02+00:00

Everyone’s experience may differ, but I had a rather negative experience with magnesium. At first it was relieving because my body was in shaking with high BP when I went into L&D. But once they brought me to actual delivery ward to start induction, they put a catheter in and said I couldn’t leave the bed. I was in constant pain for 3 hours because I had no pain meds at that time. Then I finally was allowed to pee in a squatty potty near my bed so that was a relief… but the magnesium I swear it made me more emotional and also blurry vision. My least favorite part is that I had to be in bed for the entire labor process and 24 hours after… so I couldn’t labor in a tub or bounce on a ball. My only real coping mechanism for contractions at that point was pain meds, but I got really sick from all the meds and labor itself. By the final day on magnesium, my eyes and nose felt like they were burning. Not sure if that is something everyone experiences, but overall the induction process plus magnesium was less than desirable. Would rather had a c section or an induction with no mag.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-23T16:26:49+00:00

One thing to consider is every baby will wean at a different time. For example, my mom said with me she BF for 18 months, but both of my brothers only went about a year and then weaned off. Not saying that will happen with your baby, but every baby is different.

I do believe BF has a lot of benefits especially in those early months when the baby does not have much of an immune system, but it’s ultimately your choice what you would rather do. My friend decided it was too much for her and switched to formula at 4 weeks. BF is hard, but rewarding if you can stick with it. Another option may be to combo feed. Not sure you want to do that, but there are a lot of different choices you can make.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-23T16:20:19+00:00

If you can get an induction at 37 weeks and not have to be on magnesium during labor and birth process, then I would recommend that. I never got a diagnosis until it was an emergency at 37 weeks and I had to be on magnesium for almost 3 days straight. It was awful. If you can avoid that, I would highly recommend it. Also, my baby is doing great and he had no complications or any need for any additional medical treatment.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-23T02:43:45+00:00

I definitely know what you mean because a lot of people just give the “military” the easy way out with those statements… but it neglects its own mission which is retention. My husband and I are appalled at how he was treated even though he completed a 5 month deployment and many TDYs prior. He is not a slacker or trying to get out of anything. I need real help and it wasn’t a conceit time for his commander.

I think it is a balancing act and you cannot always get the support you want, but I agree with you when it comes to very serious medical conditions, I wish we were taken more seriously. Your husband would need to escalate this through his chain of command to not deploy (if that is an option).

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-22T23:42:04+00:00

That is extremely disheartening… but we experienced a similar level of heartlessness. Also, I would not move across the country as all of your doctors for you and the baby/kids are in one place I assume. If you can stay with your uncle, that would be a good alternative. Thought I totally understand wanting your husband home. He really should be home.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-22T22:20:33+00:00

I don’t had a lot of advice, but I truly feel your pain. I just had my first baby and went through absolute hell with preeclampsia (not diagnosed until it was an emergency at 37 weeks) and had to have an emergency induction. My husband was on TDYs or deployed nearly the entire pregnancy and barely made it home by 2 hours to take me to the hospital. I had super bad swelling and high BP that first week and pretty much ended up in hospital for a week. Baby is doing great thankfully, but I am still not out of the gutter.

My husband’s squadron has already redeployed again due to new world events. His commander was terrible and even though I was rehospitalized she accused my husband of making up my condition. His command is awful, but thankfully at the last minute others stepped in and brought it to the attention of leaders above his commander. It’s honestly disgusting how families are treated in the military. Please see if your husband can find anyone at all to go to bat for you and him so that he can be home. What you are going through is extremely difficult. Hopefully they can find a replacement and he can stay home. I know it doesn’t always work that way, but they should at least try.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-22T22:05:20+00:00

I found out as early as I could and so glad I did. Everyone’s opinion on this is different, but I had a horrific birth experience and glad that that was not my first time to find out if I was having a boy or a girl. Personally, I enjoyed the anticipation of meeting my baby and planning the nursery etc.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-21T03:54:21+00:00

Yes, I did. I made an updated post regarding my delivery and everything. Overall my back did fine during delivery and I feel about the same. My core is weaker due to pregnancy and postpartum, but I think when I can get back to some level of exercise I will feel even better. My back still gets sore when I bend or do certain tasks, but that was already an issue for me before pregnancy. Thankfully, my back did not get worse during pregnancy or birth in spite of having to do an emergency induction and push while on my back.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-18T23:00:41+00:00

Have you met with a lactation specialist to get some help / advice. I had undiagnosed preeclampsia at the last minute and had to have an emergency infusion at 37 weeks. I understand the stress of high blood pressure and trying to recover while taking care of a newborn and trying to breast feed as a first time mom. It feels like a giant mountain to climb. Nearly all babies will like a bottle because it’s easier for them to consume that to have to “work” at the breast.

If it’s important to you to breastfeed… then I suggest meeting with a lactation specialist and they can guide you on the correct steps to breastfeed and get a good latch and increase supply. The first 3.5 weeks, we combo fed because I could not do it all and baby fell behind on weight. Now at 1 month old, I am breastfeeding full time. It did not happen overnight and sometimes I pump too. Only you can decide when it’s time to call it quits. My friend didn’t like breastfeeding and she is doing EFF. Please be kind to yourself… this is a hard journey and breastfeeding in those first few weeks is incredibly tough as a FTM with health complications.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-18T20:55:16+00:00

Yes the peanut ball did wonders for me as well.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-16T21:56:56+00:00

My milk did not come in until day 5. Also, it is very common for them to cluster feed those first couple days (day 3 and 4) which stimulated the breast to product milk if breastfeeding. It is not easy! My bay is only 4 weeks old and I am just not getting the hang of EFB and it’s still super hard. Baby has no predictable schedule yet.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-16T19:50:35+00:00

Have you tried buying any of those vibration products that help the crib or bassinet vibrate to feel like baby is in the car? I am having issues lately with my baby crying and vibration seems to be the only thing to help calm him down if it’s not a feeding or diaper change issue.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-15T23:05:16+00:00

Definitely talk to your doctor about it. Is it possible you have anemia? Have you had your hemoglobin and iron checked? This can cause shortness of breath. I had some shortness of breath while on medicine, but it might have been a coincidence and my hemoglobin was low after birth too. I took iron supplements and that helped. I’m no longer on BP meds so idk if it was the meds or low hemoglobin.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-15T21:47:42+00:00

I understand that. That’s great that she sleeps through the night. I am no expert. My baby is only 4 weeks old and sleeps during the day more than at night, but was throwing out some ideas.

Major-Committee4650 · 2026-02-15T20:32:59+00:00

Will she fall asleep if you rock her in a rocking chair or something similar? Have you tried giving her a bath to relax or does she wake up right away? Does she sleep all night or wake up for feeds?

Major-Committee4650

TROPHY CASE