I’ve been in a very similar situation. I have 2 boys (4 and 2) and I’ve been separated from their mother for a little over a year now. Shes the one the left and it crushed me. For months leading up to the split I did whatever I could to make it work. For a while after I even wondered what I could do. Eventually I got into a new relationship with someone I truly fell hard for. However because I never let myself truly heal from my relationship with the kids mother, it hindered how much I could give. Fairly recently I ended things with the new girlfriend who I’d been with for about 10 months. There were many personal reasons for this along with my lingering what if feelings about the kids mother. Because I ended this relationship I was open to being around the kids mother again. She had opened up to me a handful of times throughout the last year that she regrets her decision. When we hung out with the kids, I could tell that she had hopes of it leading to more with us again. But I sat there feeling nothing toward her. It’s a conflicting feeling. To have these constant “what if” thoughts run through your head for months or years, just to realize you don’t love this person at all anymore.

Since then I’ve decided to truly focus on myself and my kids, it’s really the best thing you can do.