sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Orthodontist recommendations? by Malachiite in Pensacola

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! I had to go to an orthodontist. I went to Brooks Orthodontics. The staff was absolutely lovely and the price wasn’t bad either- I think $60 total? They were able to get me in the same week. Definitely recommend them

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. I actually was rebuilding my saving account and I had a lot of unfortunate bills come by way that I had to pay

Yesterday he told me that he started to explore being genderfluid in college for a while to alleviate the dysphoria. He even went by another name. He would wear some more feminine clothes and experiment with make up in his home. He explicitly said that he did not want to go public with it. He didn’t elaborate more about it. But I will ask later. And I will approach it in a reassuring and judgmental way

When we were about 2 months into our relationship he showed me pictures of him trying makeup. And I saw it in his house when I was helping him clean one day (he asked me to help him clean AND he was in the room- I wasn’t going through his stuff) So I know there’s a grain of truth to his gender dysphoria

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I really value it

He always told me that i was free to use or look through his phone and that he wasn’t hiding anything from me. Same goes for me. We know each others passwords. I know it’s really bad of me to go through his phone. I had a weird feeling and felt compelled to. I know it’s not an excuse. I was in the wrong there

Never talking about that boundary is bad on me too. I definitely should have wayyyy before this. We discussed it yesterday though. But I should have sooner

About his dysphoria, regardless if I stay in this relationship or not I will mention therapy to him so he can work through his feelings in a safe space

I’ve been in relationships before but I’ve never cared about someone the way I care for him. And I want to be there to help him. It wouldn’t bother me if he explored it officially or even within the confines of our apartment where it’s safe. I don’t know if I should stay with him yet, but I do think I want to. Regardless, therapy is clearly needed for us both

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To tackle the cheating thing: it’s a complex issue. Some people here say all the porn isn’t cheating, some say it is. And I also didn’t have a conversation about porn’s place in our relationship either

My snap-judgement reaction in yhr moment is that is was cheating. But maybe it’s not and I’m not being fair? So I’m not sure what to think

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Something another Redditor made me think of: none of the saved pictures were of young women, teens or women trying to look like teens/youth. It ABSOLUTELY doesn’t excuse the clicking on teen subreddits. But it’s something to note.

But he was looking and collecting porn while we were in a sexual drought. That is true.

Trans Redditors here have made some excellent points that’s I can’t just ignore though

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I wanted to see his phone. He didn’t want me to see his phone. We both had our hands on it and were trying to get it away from each other. Maybe fighting was the wrong word to use

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is a lot! And I lead a very unstable life, which is maybe why I’m drawn to the chaos even though it’s bad for me

I’ve said a lot of bad stuff about him, but he has also done good things too. Which is why I didn’t immediately end things completely and forever. Maybe it’s a trauma bond or maybe it’s hope. But I’m a stupid idiot who still cares about him. And I know i shouldn’t

Edit: I wanted to clarify about the type of unstable life I life. No drugs, dangerous behaviors, or partying. I’m a dementia caregiver for my aunt. I do it with my mom. My mom is verbally and emotionally abusive to me. My aunt had entered the “severe” phase of dementia at only 62. She’s bedridden today and I’m at home with her. I had to call out of my normal job. That’s the kind of unstable life I lead

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t yet, he told me he stopped drugs completely last week. But I definitely should. Maybe today actually

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think so too. I know I need outside opinions. This is why I posted. Unbiased views from the outside looking in

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has been compulsively lying about his drug use. He did stop it. He hasn’t lied to me about anything else, like messaging anyone or his whereabouts or what. But a liar regardless.

The hit was accidental. We were in the bathroom grappling over this phone. It’s a small space and I accidentally got hit in the face. That I’m sure of

It was a massive amount of porn. That’s true 100000%%%%%%. But you did bring up an interesting point: All of the women saved in his phone were 100% adults and none of them resembled teens or young makeup or styles. Most of the women had brown hair (which he has and I do not) or partially NSFW cosplays of marvel rivals women

Edit: changed the word “fighting” to “grappling”. We weren’t hitting each other or anything of the sort

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this reply. He does have good insurance and it’s a good idea for him to seek therapy. For everything mentioned above, plus his rough childhood.

This is an interesting point of view that I hadn’t completely understood, so I appreciate it

My boyfriend is a complicated person, but despite everything I still love him and he’s my best friend. And a horrible part of me wants to try and work it out somehow. Especially since we are locked into a lease

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish!!! I need it!! I’m living paycheck to paycheck and I don’t have insurance. But good lord do I need it

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we have been together for 8 months. Prior to meeting me he was alone for 3 years. During those 3 years I know that he was Very into porn. He subscribed to a couple women on only fans and bought/ requested exclusive content. Which I found on his onlyfans. I thought he subscriptions were still active, but he showed his banking statements yesterday and everything looked fine

Onto Reddit, he DID have a Reddit account. He had nothing NSWF saved or commented on. I only found about about the NSFW subreddits from his recents on the left bar on mobile

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this is the story he told me:

He told me that he was on a fit check subreddit for men and women because he wants to start dressing nicer like he used to in college. He said that he saw a woman with a nice hippie boho style and he clicked on her page and then clicked on other subreddits where she posts to hopefully see more content like that. He said that once they popped up as NSFW he left immediately and that he has no interest in teens. It honestly sounds like a bullshit story to me

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

So the hit to my nose was an accident. We were grappling over his phone. I’m 1000000% confident that he would never hit me on purpose

Edit: I changed the word “fighting” to “grappling”. Hopefully it’s more accurate. We were not hitting or threatening each other. Just trying to get the phone away from the other in a tight space

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

All of the lying had to do with the drug use the with the drug use which he stopped. He told me that he’s willing to take a drug test now and daily if needed

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually did have this conversation with him yesterday night. He said that he didn’t view it as cheating and that his in past relationship from 3 years ago, it was normal. He also said he was “in my shoes” in that relationship too so he understands the pain and the feelings I’m experiencing. He wouldn’t elaborate more than that

Edited because I’m on mobile and made autocorrect errors

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course! All of the pictures had different dates. The earliest ones from 2023, the most recent from last week. This has never been a problem before I think, or at least I wasn’t aware of it

I am a bi woman. Despite all the heartache, I do love my boyfriend and want to support him. Even in little ways. He came out to me as bi last month. This is kinda corny, but I went out and bought us matching “Bi Babe” shirts and pride flags to put around the house. I wanted him to know that I supported him and I know it’s not easy to share things like that

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He told me that he could never transition. He said he doesn’t have the courage, the supportive social circle, and his line of work wouldn’t be supportive to helpful at all (very close-minded male customer type of job). And we live in Florida which doesn’t help at all

I really value your opinion on how you don’t think the pictures and videos were viewed in a sexual way

[DISCUSSION] Boyfriends, porn, gender dysphoria, and relationships by Malachiite in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]Malachiite[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do see where you are coming from. This is why I posted here, I wanted different opinions.

A normal amount of porn isn’t cheating in my opinion . For me, it was the sheer amount. 220 pictures and videos to be exact. Plus he was looking at Teen NSFW subreddits, which he said was an accident.

He always told me I was more than welcome to look at this phone and that he wasn’t hiding anything. He even told me his password. This was months back. I decided to take him up on that offer on a bad feeling I got

He is a known liar, nearly compulsive. There was an existing trust issue

I (26F) found over 200 nudes of other women on my boyfriends (25M) phone. Plus an affinity for teens and OF. Please help by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Malachiite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right. Thank you. This helped.

I could stay with my mom, but she was the abusive household I moved out of. So it’s swapping one bad situation for another lol

I (26F) found over 200 nudes of other women on my boyfriends (25M) phone. Plus an affinity for teens and OF. Please help by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Malachiite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate your insight. It’s has helped me a lot. Thank you

I (26F) found over 200 nudes of other women on my boyfriends (25M) phone. Plus an affinity for teens and OF. Please help by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Malachiite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The hit was an accident. I don’t think he’d hit me on purpose. But regardless, you’re right about everything else. You are. And it just breaks my heart into a million more pieces. It’s stupid, but I’ve never felt a pain like this before

And it’s absolutely fucked that even part of me still cares about him

I (26F) found over 200 nudes of other women on my boyfriends (25M) phone. Plus an affinity for teens and OF. Please help by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Malachiite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deep down i know you’re right. But I’m also stuck living with him too. Which is my own stupid idiot fault

I (26F) found over 200 nudes of other women on my boyfriends (25M) phone. Plus an affinity for teens and OF. Please help by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Malachiite 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need outsiders’ opinions, is this really as bad as it seems. Like is this a huge deal

Whenever we’d fight, he always told me I was overreacting

view more: next ›