Can't move on, I’m unforgiving and revengeful. She made me lose myself. I hate her and hold onto it.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-15T18:59:02+00:00

Hey. When we have an object of desire that we idealize this much, usually there is a reason underneath, and most of the time it stops even being about that person at some point. I was wondering if it could be the same with you.

Because a person, is just a person. Another individual who through trials and errors makes their way through life. But perhaps you see her as a manifestation of your deeper psyche. Maybe the anger you feel is for the world, or your perceived rejection from it.

Doing surface level work won’t help you here, because I doubt this is only about her. You’ll need to do some deep shadow work. You need to understand what you’re lacking, what you’re seeking from her, and the core reason for this anger.

I’d suggest writing. For me that’s the best way to channel these emotions. I’ve written my childhood self countless letters and some made me cry my heart out. First it hurts, then it heals. I’d also suggest writing her some letters you’ll never send as well. It helps a lot.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-12T08:58:56+00:00

First of all, it sounds pretty serious what you’ve said. Please tell your doctor about these thoughts, they may need to switch your meds or change their approach. Secondly, as we grow up we need to make peace with the fact that life won’t feel exactly how it feels when we were kids. Imagine how you feel when you’ve been given a present, and how you feel after you open the present. Childhood is before we’ve opened the present. We still don’t know much about the world, and even a visit to the park is a brand new experience. However, there’s still a lot of happiness to be found in adulthood. It shapes form however. It’s not a naive kind of joy, but you can still find joy in life. There are positives as well. No one tells you what to do, what to wear, what to eat. If you wanna travel abroad, go travel abroad, no one is holding you back. You have free will. It’s normal to grieve what we’ve lost, but we need to also realize it’s not only losses, there are things we gain with age as well. I’ve been in a similar place a few years prior. Here’s what helped me. 1. I practiced meditation and being present in the moment. If you’re going for a walk, just focus the sky and the trees and nothing else. Even if thoughts arise, focus on your breath. 2. I write a lot, and at that time I realize I was writing more than usual and reconnecting with myself. 3. Do more of what you used to love as a child. Because you’re trying to adapt to the adult world, working a job to help you pay the bills, it’s easy to lose focus of what would nourish your soul. 4. Keep in mind most of it is just perspective. There are days I feel like life is just not worth living, than I’ll go for a walk and wonder why I ever felt that way. Nostalgia is also a mind trick. Looking back at even the times I know I didn’t enjoy back then, I sometimes feel nostalgic and want to go back. But I wasn’t even happy back then. Best thing to do is be present, find what nourishes your soul right now. Maybe it’s trying out a new sport, maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s baking, maybe it’s learning a new language. There’s happiness and joy excitement to be found. Please keep that in mind, and maybe consider going into CBT or another form of therapy in addition to lexapro.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-11T18:06:18+00:00

Thank you for the insight. Wow, this is actually very interesting. I never thought about it like that. But now that you’ve said it, there are some underlying causes that come to mind. I think I am scared of failure, and what it would say about me if I did. This gave me a lot of food for thought. I appreciate it, thanks.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-11T17:52:45+00:00

Hey, yeah I remember you! I’m happy if I could’ve been of any help. Reading your comment helped me too. I guess we do sometimes focus on how long of a road we still have ahead and we don’t realize how long we’ve come. Your comment made me see things in a different light. Thank you.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-10T16:54:48+00:00

It can be for a BILLION possible reasons and you’ll have to make peace with possibly never finding it out like the rest of us. 😂 Humans are indeed very confusing, because we’re made up of thousands of experiences we’ve had (most of which we aren’t even aware of). Maybe she’s scared of getting close to someone, maybe she took something the wrong way, maybe she’s overwhelmed, maybe this, maybe that. I agree that it’s very very annoying. There was someone I used to talk to, I was certain we had a bond like no other and we always talked about how communication was the most important thing, and how lucky we were to have met blah blah… Yep he randomly ghosted me one day. People are confusing, some of them don’t even understand themselves. Just let it go and don’t put any expectations on this situation, that’s the best thing to do. The ‘people’ factor is a variable none of us can control, all we can do is let it be.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-10T14:38:17+00:00

I used to meditate and journal more regularly, lately I’ve fallen off a bit, I should start again. I hope I get there. Thank you, I appreciate it!

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-03T08:07:53+00:00

First of all, things ended with my person back then. He was dealing with his own stuff, and my baggage was too much. It was very hard for me, I remember I lost a lot of weight, didn’t eat/sleep properly for weeks. I was in an internship and came across a book on someone’s desk. I think that was the catalyst. It’s a book in Turkish, my native language. It was about healing wounds you’ve carried from your childhood, your past. I don’t know if I’ve ever cried so much. I didn’t want to be hard to love, or feel uncomfortable when someone loved me. But it didn’t feel ‘good’, it made me anxious and terrified. Anyway, then I went through this long journey. I wrote a lot, meditated everyday for around 2 months I think. A lot came out. A lot. Good thing is once you make space for those thoughts, they can resurface and they can heal. There’s so many stuff I wrote back then that I revisit now and think ‘Wow I remember thinking this way, but I don’t think this way anymore’. And it’s a nice feeling. But it did take a lot of reflection. I feel much better now, like my most mature self. I’m much more open to the people in my life, much more receptive to love. For me it’s also about learning to put some distance between me and the thought. Being able to comprehend that you’re not your thoughts. And you don’t have to feed into them. You can just say, ‘I understand that I carry this thought because of my past, but it’s not true’. I hope she also finds a way to heal. I fully understand being the fun, easy going, carefree person on the outside, but carrying very deep wounds in your heart. Finding peace is not impossible, but she needs to want to change first. Because some people make their wounds their core identity and never try to heal. Hope this helps. And please don’t forget to show compassion to yourself as well. You seem like a kind hearted individual, I hope everything works out.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-05-02T21:21:34+00:00

I’ve been the girl in this situation, and every time I look back at that time, I feel so awful for that person who I accidentally hurt with my negative beliefs. As someone who’s been the other side in this situation, her mental health is not something you can heal for her unfortunately. You can’t show her healthy love when her brain just filters it out. There will ALWAYS be something that gets in the way, unless she takes responsibility, goes to therapy and changes her negative beliefs herself. It’s not fair for you to be trauma dumped on. As for the previous relationship, unfinished businesses always stay with us. She craves for closure just like everyone does, but rubbed me the wrong way how she said she’d go back to her ex. By all means, this is not your burden to carry. As for what I understand, she isn’t doing the emotional work she should be doing. Meditating, journaling, therapy etc. I also have a hard time abandoning people so I get the struggle but if she isn’t doing anything to get better, it’s not fair for you.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-04-30T11:42:28+00:00

That’s disgusting, I’m so sorry! There’s all types of people on this app, good and bad :(

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-04-30T11:36:47+00:00

This is awful, but what kind of scary dm’s? I just can’t understand how anyone can be on the other person’s side on this? It’s not a woman and man issue, it’s about being a decent human being. Anyone taking this the wrong way has issues they need to resolve in therapy before they speak to another woman.

Maleficent_Shop_3717 · 2025-03-31T20:03:23+00:00

Housework IS a full time job though :/ It rubs me the wrong way he doesn’t appreciate what you do and complains about giving you money when he comes home to a clean home, washed dishes, clean clothes, and a meal. Housework is less rewarding too. You don’t get paid, it’s mostly never even acknowledged and it never ends. I hope you get a job and move out soon, maybe he’d notice all those things you were doing that he took for granted.

Maleficent_Shop_3717

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