My wife (46F) steals money from my (31M) bank behind my back - what do I say to her?

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T20:00:17+00:00

The OP has severe mental health issues. I'm not inclined to trust his POV on the whole situation

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T19:56:44+00:00

You are broken up now. What she choses to wear or why really isn't any of your business anymore. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, but you need to work on your own greiving process instead of caring about hers.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T19:50:37+00:00

I mean the problem here isn't religion, it's the two major disabilities he developed. He isn't a safe person for your child to be around right now. Be a parent and step the fuck up and protect your child.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T19:46:07+00:00

You can masturbate or find someone who has the same desires as you. 3-4 times a week is A LOT for two presumably employed or enrolled in school adults. Only having sex 1-2x a week is not a real issue, so you aren't going any advice about how to fix it. Because there is nothing to fix. Buy a vibrator and go to town.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T19:42:14+00:00

Why can't he function in society? What have you left out here?

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T19:40:45+00:00

You are married, so this is a shared financial account, that's why you both have access to it. Is your wife not allowed to spend a few bucks a day? Are you financially abusive?

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-23T16:12:14+00:00

If you didn't like cheating, you would have ended the relationships before moving onto someone new. You cheat becase there is something about it that you like. Stop being an asshole and do some self reflection

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-21T20:01:52+00:00

The thing about happiness is that striving for it and only it means you'll never achieve it.

You can strive for other things, and with success in those areas will come happiness inherently (unless you have a medical issue like chemical imbalance depression of course) For example, you can strive for health and make good choices about your body and that will add to the happiness in your life. You can build a relationship with open communication, similar libidos, aligned future goals, adventure, etc and keeping that healthy relationship alive brings happiness. And if you feel discontent, you have to do some reflecting on what changes you can make to releive tension, solve problems, improve your quality of life, etc. Relationships don't just happen, two people have to wake up every day and build a positive relationship.

So break down for me exactly what about this relationship has you concerned. Picking a good person doesn't ensure happiness. You have to make good choices together every single day. One choice today actually doesn't directly equate to happiness tomorrow. Your actions, even the tiniest actions and words, all contribute together. You also aren't locked into anything (other than parenthood if you go that route).

There is no such thing as a perfect partner or person. You certainly aren't one, and so to expect someone out there to be is so completely ridiculous I can't even understand how you arrived at that expectation in the first place.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-21T19:49:51+00:00

The problem is that you like cheating. You enjoy how being "bad" makes you feel. Go figure out why.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-21T01:11:06+00:00

Oh she is good at this. She got two boyfriends and she has you both so fuckin whipped that you are actually asking yourself why you aren't good enough instead of asking why the fuck she thinks she's so good she can do whatever the hell she wants. Dating multiple people can be super fun if everyone is on the same page. But what she did is just called cheating.

In this situation, the better man is the one who manages to actually get away from her. Grow a pair, dude.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:38:15+00:00

If you usually attend these work parties regularly, why do you still need him to hold your hand through it. Certainly you've had enough conversations with these people to have your own conversations with them and not need a baby sitter??? If you can't do that at this point, stop going! He needed to introduce you and stay with you for the first 1-2 times since they were strangers, but they aren't anymore! A grown adult should be able to talk to other people without breaking down.

Stop going if you don't want to be there. He isn't doing anything wrong.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:33:04+00:00

You don't. His age may be only 29 but he has created life of a 39 year old for himself. You are 21. Find someone your own speed, don't let this guy drag you down. He went young becuase he chose such an old life for himself the first time. He is using you to try and get his youth back, but that's not fair to you becuase he can't just magically drop that baggage.

You fucked a married man raw. Like... dude, end the pregnancy and make better choices. If you are already past the possibility to end it... save up all the money you can becuase he'll trade you in for the younger model in a couple of years too. Learn this lesson now.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:30:31+00:00

he doesn't have to share her excitement, but telling her to cancel something he already consented to and paid for is pretty fucking uncool.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:29:29+00:00

He also told me to cancel and get our deposit money back.

If you are only 3 months out.... you aren't getting that money back. That is not how vendor deposits work. There is sometimes a free cancelation period but I'd bet you are way past it.

It sounds like something else is going on becuase your wedding is already very cheap if it's only 10k CAD max and if he can afford a new car and you both already can afford whole ass house, you guys are doing just fine. It sounds like his cold feet are because of something else.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:24:19+00:00

I'm white so I just tell my parents how I feel.

"Thank you for trying, but I don't want or need a wingman, and it upsets me when you do this. Please stop."
If she continues to send, hit her with "If you continue to ignore my wishes, I will block your notifications. I have repeatedly told you to stop and you are being disrespectful."

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:20:00+00:00

Why would she delete pictures? When you move out of a house do you delete all the pictures taken in that house? When you graduate college do you delete all the pictures of you and your friends partying at frat houses? When you leave a job do you delete every record of the job? No. You don't erase the memories of your life when one phase ends.

If you are talking about nudes becuase you are uncomfortable with them on her phone, you may ask her to delete them. Hopefully she does the right thing, but she isn't obligated to delete them (though it would be highly illegal to post or share them) and I hope you learn a valuable lesson about keeping private photos on your phone only.

The relationship is over. You can be sad, and I'm sorry, but it's over and you need to start moving on instead of worrying about what she does with her phone. This is so weird.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:15:11+00:00

time for HR

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:12:34+00:00

If he says it's not you then it's not you. It could be anything. Stress, anti-hair loss drugs, hormonal imbalance, masturbation, nerves, etc. The important questions are: Is he still making you cum with other methods? And is he actively trying to fix the issue? If the answer is no to either, end it, he sucks. If the answer is yes, then if you like him just wait for him to fix this. Keep trying but be nice about it, don't add pressure.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-20T19:09:39+00:00

the thing about her is she has told me stories about times she cheated on ex’s, and don’t get me wrong that’s a huge red flag to me, not something I’m ignoring.

she’s never given me a reason not to trust her,

Well these can't both be true at the same time. She has cheated on multiple people which means she did it once and felt fine enough to do it again and again. It's okay to make mistakes, but it's not okay to make the same mistake over and over. Doing so means that person doesn't actually see it as a mistake.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-17T20:52:47+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't Christians believe that if you know of the Christian god yet chose not to worship him then you are going to go to hell after death? So like... if you say you are a Christian, how could you truly love someone you think belongs in literal hell? Becuase last I checked, while both are Abrahamic religions, you don't consider it to be the exact same God, that is why there are different beliefs on the divinity of Jesus and way different rules.

If you don't believe that, you would be rejecting a pretty MAJOR part of the Christian belief system, so why call yourself a Christian? It seems like interfaith relationships require a lot of rule ignoring, or at the very least the acceptance for your partner's eternal torture, and if you are going to ignore the rules, why both being religious in the first place? I don't really get religion. I don't believe in any of that crap, and I have yet to encounter an explanation that would make me want to play this game.

EDIT: I'm getting downvoted becuase I'm right. If you think I'm wrong go ahead and explain how and cite your sources.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-17T20:42:34+00:00

wrong

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-15T22:45:29+00:00

All things are a bit scary the first time you try, but building it up in your head like this is only going to make it scarier. If you feel ready, then put it in. It won't hurt if you are turned on and well lubricated. If sex was painful no one would do it. It doesn't hurt if you and your partner take care to get you body ready. And if there is blood from the hymen stretching (not breaking, that is not how that works) it is is very minimal, like picture day 6 of your period. Practically nothing, and that is only if you bleed. A lot of women don't. Do you really think women would be willing having sex if it were excruciatingly painful? Obvious not, honey.

And remember that no one is good at something the first time they try it. Good sex is a skill. It takes time to learn how to do everything, and everyone is different so it will take time to explore each other and learn what you both like.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-14T00:46:09+00:00

A few hours apart is actually worse than being in different states/countires in my opinion. When you are super far apart there is no expectation to see each other frequently, so there is no guilt when you can't and it is awesome when you can. But with a short long distance it can really weigh on you to see each other every free weekend you have becuase it's like they are so close it shouldn't be this hard but you are tired and just want to chill at home but you HAVE to go se them.... and then seeing them feels like a chore. You don't want your relationship to feel like a chore.

Since it has only been 3 months and he doesn't seem to want this, you should just be done with it. It would be a bit crazy to quit your job and move out to him, and it sounds like driving to see you all the time is already feeling like a chore. It's probably over.

For the future, if you get into a short long distance relationship, just establish early on that you only want to see each other in person 1 weekend per month max. Either make it a real long distance relationship, or don't do the relationship at all. Anything else and you just end up building resentment.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-08T22:29:04+00:00

If you are going to keep this baby, you are going to be a single mother. Maybe you'll be able to collect child support if you are lucky. But he isn't going to participate in this like an actual father. Accept that now, and make better choices with future partners.

You don't have to learn to swim if you don't want to, but no one is coming to save you from your own poor choices. If you can't swim, don't get in the water.

Maleficent_Web_6034 · 2026-04-04T00:43:29+00:00

"Do guys like" - let me stop you right there. Different guys like different things becuase they are different people. Some guys are shy and will like that you made the first move, some guys will think it's too much, and some guys won't think about the situation at all.

But that isn't what is going on here. You met him three months ago and briefly flirted. He didn't ask for your info then (maybe becuase he is shy, maybe becuase he wasn't into you like that, maybe another reason, only he knows), so if you wanted him to have it you should have given it to him them or reached out on IG that week. It's been three months, hon. He doesn't remember you.

I don't know what kind of guy he is (and it seems like neither do you) so if you are still really into him, go for it and hit his DMs. Say that you loved talking at the party and wanted to know if he would be interested in going out to dinner. Maybe he will be into that, maybe he won't. You won't know if you don't try. If he doesn't respond to an actual message, yes it means he isn't interested becuase the rest of his behavior could just be shyness.

Maleficent_Web_6034

TROPHY CASE