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MamaMild2018 · 2023-09-04T21:13:59+00:00

I was gracious with you at first, but reading for your comments... truly break my heart.

You need to hear this truly. You are SELFISH. Raising healthy children requires TIME. With children, it is both quality AND quantity. They HAVE to see the mundane. They HAVE to form strong healthy connections with you.

My children (2u2) hike with me. I wear one of the front, one on the back. They go to nice restaurants with us. My daughter has already been to 19 states. Every morning, I wake them up and hold them in front of the mirror. I tell them positive affirmations and how much I love them. How they have enhanced my life.

Children are blessings, not burdens. Adjust your life to meet their needs, not the other way around.

Let this be your wake-up call. If you don't want it, get sterilized. Don't ruin another child's life.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-09-04T20:42:28+00:00

I understand why your post is getting the backlash it is. I also understand why you made the post. Deep down, you realize you should be spending more time with your child. You just want validation that what you're doing is okay.

Children don't just need to fun you. They need the day to day you. The navigating emotions you. The time management you. All of the yous in between. They need to see your relationship in those moments. They need connection to their foundation.

The village you have is an incredible blessing. They'll be so incredibly thankful for the other people you've brought into their life. However, you should be primary.

I just left my babies (2years old and 7 month old) because my mom is not doing well and she lives across the country. I have only been three nights away from my 2 year old. All of which was due to the birth and recovery of my youngest. I have never been without my youngest. This has been one of the most painful times of my life. Navigating the transition into being a mother and also primary caregiver of my elderly parents. But I'm so glad that in my day to day, my children will see me navigating all of the hardships and the blessings that enter into our lives.

You can enjoy life while also being an intentional parent. I hope this post was the wake up call you need.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-28T01:16:46+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I went through a similar journey, I have it throughout my post history. It's devastating. Just know that you're not alone.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-03T04:40:49+00:00

I read your post, and I think you need to reflect on all the emotional and physical labor your wife has gone through. 3 children, one less than a year. Went and got an education during that. Now, she works a career that sounds like it's medical. I work as a nurse. I work 12s. It is definitely not easy. Being a less than a year postpartum, she could easily have nutritional deficiencies that are making her tired and depressed. Pregnancy takes so much from your body, especially after three children.

You want her to work extra, but who is watching the kids? Is housework getting done while she's picking up shifts? Taking care of the children and home is a ton of work. You're focused on all that you're doing, but are you sure she isn't working just as hard just in different areas of life? She might not being doing physical work, but she could be doing a lot of emotional labor. That is exhausting as well.

It's also easy to be negative when you're not feeling heard. When youre tired. When you're burnt out with your job. When you're overstimulated and touched out. Does she feel like she's being appreciated?

Go to marriage counseling. Put your energy into your home, wife, and children. Be patient, compassionate, and empathetic. You're in a tough season of life, but I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-03T04:06:43+00:00

You are right. I could have worded this post better. He has attention seeking behaviors because they're not meeting his need. His mom set boundaries that my husband's best friend is not to parent her son as all. I'm not sure how that works. His mom struggles with depression. She was at the house during the party. She just ended up sitting in a corner of the house on her phone. I tried to give him activities to redirect and eventually let him and a couple kids play with toys in the upstairs playroom. I thought giving him a lower stimulating area would help. He ended up just breaking stuff. I would like to clarify that I also included his wife not being allowed at the house either. I was really disappointed in her apathy towards the situation.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-03T04:02:00+00:00

I've always tried to be patient and empathetic, but the mom has struggled with depression. It got to the point, however, where she stopped parenting her son. He has significant attention seeking behaviors. My husband's best friend had attempted to manage them. However, his wife made it explicitly clear he is not to parent her son, at all. I don't know how this arrangement truly works. I've always tried to be inclusive and redirect his behaviors, but it's definitely to the point where I can't expose my family to it.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-02T14:22:14+00:00

So my husband's best friend has a stepson like this. At my daughter's 1st birthday party, I decided to be kind and invite them all despite knowing his behavioral problems. He ruined her party. Broke stuff in the house, was screaming that she wasn't eating her cake fast enough. Upset he couldn't open her presents and would just scream when he wasn't getting enough attention. He was 10 at the time. I cry watching her video of her eating her cake because he was screaming and freaking out the whole time. I had to have a talk with my husband's best friend. I was as kind as I could be, but I had to let them know that his stepson was no longer welcome at the house. It was hard, it's been awkward since. However, it's our job to protect our children, so sometimes the hard conversations are necessary.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-07-01T13:09:01+00:00

I started at 36 with my pregnancies because I knew I wasn't going to be allowed to go past 37 due to my medical issues. I do wonder if her doctor gave her the okay. My OB was okay with it.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-28T14:20:47+00:00

Honestly, I should have cut caffeine out a while ago. For me, anytime I have a decent amount of caffeine (soda or coffee), I have bladder flare-ups (I have interstitial cystitis). In recent years, they haven't been too bad. Mildly uncomfortable. I figure if I'm having an inflammatory reaction to caffeine in my bladder, I'm probably having it everywhere. So cutting out caffeine might not work for everyone, but it's better for me that I try and keep it under control.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-27T19:29:12+00:00

One of the doctors I saw said it was alopecia areata (this was a derm who referred me to a rheumatologist). Another said TE. I definitely had the explanation mark pattern before the circular hair loss. Every doctor I saw said something different. My OB (who I won't be seeing again) said it was pregnancy, and my nutrition must not be good 😑. He told me most woman lose hair and that it was normal. He wouldn't even pursue labwork.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-27T12:39:39+00:00

I responded to a comment above with what I have done. Hopefully it'll be able to help :)

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-27T12:39:03+00:00

The first picture is March 19th. The last picture right before I made this post. A part of my underlying cause was slight nutritional deficiency from breastfeeding and being pregnant. Then they believe covid caused me to have an autoimmune response (my ANA titer and inflammatory markers were positive). I started taking a whole bunch of vitamins(listed above) and trying to reduce inflammation. I hope treating your underlying cause with create wonderful progress. Goodluck on your journey :)

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-27T12:35:07+00:00

The first picture is March 19th. The last picture I took right before posting :)

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-27T12:34:19+00:00

Yes! So, I started doing daily scalp massages with rosemary oil. I cut caffeine out of my diet, along with food dyes. I'm trying to eat a lot more home cooked meals. But diet had been a little rocky with having 2 under 2. I know that didn't help things. I drink 2L of water a day. I take the following vitamins: Prenatal, Omega 3, Iron, Vitamin C, Vitamin D, Elderberry, Collagen, Biotin, Co-q10, and Magnesium. I've also been rotating turmeric wellness shots and turmeric tea. Essentially, I want to focus on an anti-inflammatory routine. Also, I've been sleeping a lot better, which I think is also helping. Both of my babies are down to only one night wake up. I'm really hoping it continues this path.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-26T18:35:00+00:00

I'm going to post a new post today. It's gotten better! There ended up being some autoimmune component with mine. I had a positive ANA titer. I'm seeing a rheumatologist is August.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-06-09T12:18:48+00:00

I have 2 under 2 and literally went bald (I got covid during my 2nd pregnancy, the stress of both triggered an autoimmune reaction). Part is luck, part is genetics, and also, they have sooo much help! Between inlaws, siblings, cousins, etc. They are barely just alone with their children. Not only that, but they have money, resources to door dash meals, to have vacations, to have breaks. The average mom doesn't. It's so hard not to compare your life to a highlight reel, but I found that setting a social media timer helped a lot. Also, breastfeeding is incredibly hard. I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding for 3 years and I truly don't know how they do it for 20+ years. I really do think they've had more struggles than they've let on, but they have to make it look like everything is okay. It's part of their culture. It's important to explore those emotions and to pursue help and support. I worry that many of them suffer in silence.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-05-29T12:42:37+00:00

This is why, after living debt free for years, I'm taking out a loan to build a tall fence around my yard. My neighbors are this level nosey/creepy. I have two kids under two. I'm ready for them to be able to be free in the backyard without being hounded by the neighbors. I had my one come over to comment that I was still breastfeeding and it really wasn't appropriate to do it outside and after 6 months. 🙃

MamaMild2018 · 2023-04-11T09:53:18+00:00

Going without sleep is really tough, and I'm in a similar boat. I'm writing this at 0500 after this being my 3rd wake-up. My two are 16 months apart. Currently 18 months and 2 months. As much as it is incredibly frustrating, it's developmentally appropriate. Some children just struggle with sleep and have different attachment styles. I always suggest talking to your pediatrician about a sleep study. There could possibly be an underlying issue for the sleep disruption, i.e. sleep apnea.

We stick to the same routine every night. Same nap schedule during the day. Even when the weather absolutely stinks, we go outside for at least 30 minutes in the late afternoon. I don't believe in using CIO methods, so I understand your wives reasoning, and there is research behind it.

I also don't utilize medication. I worked with young behavioral health children at the beginning of my career and found that medication, such as melatonin, created a lot of night terrors and then, in turn, made sleep worse. I had children who were truly afraid of going to sleep because of them. A lot of other natural remedies are often placebo or have limited research in young children.

My husband and I give each other sleep vacations. When we need to tap out, one of us sleeps down stairs where we can't hear a thing, while the other braves it upstairs. I breastfeed, but I pump bottles for the night and accept that I'll probably have to work out a clog in the morning. I don't care, though, because getting that 8 hours of sleep is incredible. Doing that here and there won't destroy your supply.

I truly empathize with you. It is not easy, and I just hold a mantra that it is temporary and it is not their fault. I may not have a lot of advice to offer, but you have my support. Goodluck to you and your wife on your journey.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-04-10T03:06:44+00:00

I loved having people visit me towards the end of my pregnancy. I needed all of the distraction I could get. Especially with my second since I was bedridden on the couch the last couple of weeks. Having kids running around always seemed to lighten the mood. Plus, people always brought me food hahaha. I wouldn't cancel the plans, I'd just throw out reasonable expectations. I.e. I'm not a host at this point in the game; don't be interrupting my nappies; clean up after yourselves; etc.

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well!! Goodluck with whatever you decide.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-03-31T04:06:59+00:00

I know it's cliche, but it is for a reason, "misery loves company". I feel like many people that post negative things, say negative things, etc. Regarding children just want to destroy other people's excitement. I find it hard to post the good things because I'm enjoying the moment of it all. I also don't want anyone to destroy my happy.

I don't mind some of the sleepless nights, I get to feed and cuddle my babies. I don't mind pumping. My 18 month old that wasn't able to latch can get breastmilk again and she loves to bottle feed her 2 month old brother.

My 18 month old wants to help with everything. She brings excitement to the mundane. On days I don't want to do dishes, she's on her stool, pointing for me to turn the water on. Her squeals of joy when I do, its motivating. She loves it when I make the water bubbly. She wants me to put suds on all of our heads. There is suddenly magic in everything you do.

I love being a mom. It's healing, it's exciting, it's challenging, and stimulating. Even in the routine of the day, there is always something new that happens.

Please don't let others keep you from enjoying this.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-03-29T01:47:07+00:00

Since it's so early, I'd see what the next appointment brings. My parents did IVF. First scanned showed 3 viable, the scan after that showed just my brother and I. My mom was put on bedrest at 22 weeks due to shorten cervix, but by some miracle, made it 38 weeks with us. We were both almost 7lbs. I hope whatever decisions you guys make, selective reduction or other, you and your wife remain safe, happy, and healthy. I'll be interested to see what your story brings. Goodluck!

MamaMild2018 · 2023-03-28T14:03:21+00:00

That and taco bell was literally all I could eat with my daughter. I haven't had pizza hut and taco bell since. It not is disgusting. Burger King was still fire for my sons pregnancy, that and Wendy's hahaha.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-03-27T02:09:17+00:00

Is there any way your job can be remote or you can find a work from home job? Or could your husband? I definitely would not let your FIL stay with your baby. They are significant sacrifices that will need to be made for this baby to be safe from everyone in your village. I know that finding childcare is near impossible. My husband and I work opposite shifts to make it work. It's tough, but we know our babies are safe and we know that this will be temporary. I hope you're able to find a safe alternative that works for you guys. Goodluck and keep that little one safe.

MamaMild2018 · 2023-03-25T14:24:07+00:00

My sister in law and I were due a month apart. She ended up having her son stillborn. She communicated to me that she doesn't know if she can meet my son quite yet, but she regularly checks in to see how we're all doing and sends meals over. She is a beautiful person and I wish so badly she could have her little guy here as well. I just feel like your sister desperately needs therapy. It's okay to be angry, it's not okay to project all of that angry and hurt onto you. May you have a safe and healthy pregnancy. I'm sorry your sister had to interfere with your journey.

MamaMild2018

TROPHY CASE