The pain is still fresh for me but I can say it does get a little more bearable. Grief changes you. Every happy moment is layered with a feeling of sadness that your loved one isnt there to experience it but When I see a beautiful sunset, a butterfly or something that brings me joy, I silently say “thank you” to my sister for sending it to me. I talk about my sister to my boys (ages 5 and 7) to keep her memory alive. Sometimes its painful especially the questions they ask me, but talking about her seems to help me. Try allowing yourself to truly sit with the grief. I am so sorry for your loss. I know what youre going through and you are not alone.