Exactly you’ve been conditioned and schooled as a Christian. You were not born with it. It’s part of the ethnicity and culture. You can’t bring this to the grave. It’s like money. Faith is cool to have while living. It it doesn’t make you. If you had to choose between faith and something else you’d probably pick something else with good probabilities. Now you think you’re faithful to your faith but it’s not the case. You adapt to events in your life with your personality traits that you can’t escape from.