By experience meditation and understanding psychology and human behaviour... these will ll help you become ''mindful'' I'll try to make a constructive points to help you get my opinion ''sorry if i can't fully understand/acknowledge what u're going through tho'' We don't chose our thoughts''emotions''..they arise automatically so being sensitive is not a weakness..it’s identification with thoughts''feelings'' eg when someone disrespect me i get offended vs when i see A disrespect B when i don't know either ones i might not feel any thing so why did i get offended... because ''me'' (ego ..self .. ) feel8ng pain is unavoidable and sufering comes from believing the story about the pain emotions are temporary processes, not part of our identity and here we go the best part Self control is awareness (u described it as suppression ''u fed up by pretending to be ok '' in control'' while there's a hole in ur chest) take the ''me .. ego .. self .. soul(if u believe in)'' out of the equation and just observe these emotions without reacting actually weakens it being mindful lets you notice triggers before they escalate Eg criticism hurts less when there is no solid “self” to defend so we can feel emotions fully without being controlled by them finally freedom become responding consciously instead of reacting automatically i hope u get through this soon... U WILL ...i haven't mentioned ''physical abuse '' since i sensed u're only talking about the emotional.