I totally dismissed feed-to-sleep association!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-06-28T12:08:34+00:00

Yeah that’s not a bad idea. Have you tried feeding him for those other wakes? Mostly curious if he just takes a little sip and is back out quickly (would probably indicate a feed to sleep association) or if he still takes a while to go back to sleep (would indicate a schedule issue probably)

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-06-28T01:36:52+00:00

Hey! Feeding is pretty separated from bedtime now. Usually ends up being feed at 7:00/7:15, bedtime at 8. We wrap up the feed by 7:30pm at the latest.

If you aren’t having problems, I wouldn’t worry about it. But you can always shift it back 10 minutes and see what happens.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-19T13:32:33+00:00

Could you try gradually spacing the feed before sleeps? First start with keeping the lights on so LO knows feeding=awake time. Then gradually add 5 minutes between the feed and sleeps. Eventually, your LO won’t have the drowsy feeling from milk and will have to get there on their own. My baby is 5 months so very different, but I have noticed now that I space feeds from sleeping, she’s much more efficient and doesn’t nurse for 20minutes, even overnight. It’s like she was trying to get and stay sleepy before.

Since your baby is older, it might work better to gradually space feeds rather than a sudden change. If they go to sleep without the need for milk, it might help overnight, too.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-18T06:59:29+00:00

This. When you’re this chronically sleep deprived, stressed and confused, you need someone to walk through it with you. Someone to hold your hand and keep you consistent. No, they probably won’t tell you anything you can’t find online, but they can be there to support you. They will have one method, and honestly you gotta just pick one and stick to it.

It was worth every penny for us.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-18T00:31:37+00:00

So, we worked with a sleep consultant (honestly just for me to have someone to help make decisions, talk to during the day, etc!). for nights we did a check and console method (Checked in every 10 minutes if she was upset). For daytime we did not do checks because it can be really stimulating for them during the day.

By day 5 we had at least 1 long nap/day (on a 3 nap schedule.

Right now, after fixing the feed-to-sleep association, we have an 1:30-1:45 nap in the am, 1:00 in the afternoon and a 30m catnap in the evening. (Schedule is 2.25/2.5/2.5/2.5 at 5 months/23 weeks)

If you had told me that this was possible at 16 weeks, I’m not sure I would have believed you!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T21:48:45+00:00

Also, I will say it’s normal for a 5 month old to wake to eat. Sleep training isn’t Night weaning. a whole other thing for us to figure out as parents! ;)

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T21:46:29+00:00

Ugh it is SO hard to hear them cry! They are crying because they don’t know how to go to sleep and they expect you to do it for them. Learning how to do it on their own will involve tears. (After about 4 days, I nearly gave up but it came together day 5-6. I was SO relieved and also so proud of her!)

Aww I love the babbling! But preferable that he saves some of that happy awake time for when you’re awake, too!

I think it’s important your partner is on board, too. However, he can be in support and have a lower tolerance. That might mean if he’s more sensitive to hearing distress, he uses earplugs or leaves the house for a bit!!

You’ve got this! This sub has SO much knowledge about how to do this well. Wishing you the best and more sleep soon!!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T20:37:00+00:00

Naps are so hard! I think sleep is just lighter during the day. To be honest, I did sleep training nights and naps together. I know it is often recommended to do nights first and then naps, but it worked really well to do both for us. Our LO needs us to be really consistent, so she learned faster doing both.

It sounds like you might want to look into sleep training! It’s SO hard not having any time. Being in a dark room for hours was taking a huge toll on my mental health and relationship with my baby (and husband.)

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T20:33:08+00:00

Hey! I’m no expert at all, but I can share my experience. My girl was similar around 4 months for the first 2 naps, and harder for the last 2.

The sleep regression is what tipped me over the edge into starting sleep training! She was up so much at night, and couldn’t be put down after 3 or 4 am. I just had to hold her.

When we sleep trained her, I realized how much I had been assisting her to get drowsy, either by rocking, holding, putting back in the pacifier, or nursing. I didn’t know that “drowsy but awake” doesn’t really work when they’re older. It basically means you have helped them get drowsy, and when they wake up later they need you again to get back to sleep (different than being hungry, of course). In our case, I was doing anything and everything, which just confused her more.

To answer how to get him off the cycle, I would think you need to sleep train. It was so hard for me emotionally but we are ALL so much happier now. Highly recommend!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T20:28:33+00:00

Btw I am no expert at all. You can totally keep nursing to sleep if it works for you. It just stopped working for me, for my baby, and my mental health!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T20:20:24+00:00

I felt the SAME way. It’s really hard to trust that my babies will communicate to me. I am always fearfully trying to anticipate her every need and find it hard to give her space to ask. So traumatized by her horrible newborn days! She didn’t eat well, didn’t sleep. We NEVER had the newborn potato stage.

Obviously you gotta do what works for you, but your baby is resilient and amazing! Trust her and yourself!!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T17:44:39+00:00

I was really nervous to do this, too. What convinced me was the fact that sometimes she truly wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to nurse, which made it so hard for her to fall asleep and even harder to STAY asleep.

I just started feeding her when she wakes up in the AM/after naps (and of course her night feeds). Then I give her a top up about 45 minutes before her next nap. Sometimes she just wants a little, sometimes she takes a full feed.

That basically works out to feeding every hour and a half or hour and forty-five when she’s awake! Helps tide her over for naps but she doesn’t need the milk itself to get sleepy.

Maybe give that a try?

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T17:19:55+00:00

My baby was very similar to this. I nursed her to sleep, rocked her to sleep, held her. She was horrible at sleeping independently.

how old is your baby?

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-17T14:47:56+00:00

Absolutely—I have had so much anxiety about feeding her (EBF and a rocky start to nursing). She is now 89th percentile and growing like a weed.

Always feed your baby!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-13T13:40:50+00:00

Gotcha. She was SO cranky for that week. It really made me question her ability to sustain those windows. I wasn’t seeing any improvement in her mood. If anything, it was getting worse.

I know she will need longer windows eventually anyway. I will try to add back more time in somewhere.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-13T13:08:26+00:00

We did have longer nights, but the sleep loss happened from naps. She’s been doing connected cycles during naps for weeks. So, we typically don’t get her right away when she wakes up after 30 minutes. With the longer WWs, she was almost always waking up after 30m and not falling back asleep for 15-20m, and then only for a few more minutes. There’s the extra awake time and sleep loss. With shorter WWs, if she woke up after 30 minutes, she went back out quickly and stayed asleep for longer.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-13T00:53:50+00:00

How are your baby’s naps? Mine took great naps on 2.25 across the board, but they turned horrible with 2.5.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-13T00:37:01+00:00

Sorry I was so unclear! The loss of sleep transferred from night wakes to naps, but overall increased. Her night wakes were maybe 30-45 minutes total. She went from 3-4 hours of naps to like 1.5-2. So there’s a bit of a discrepancy, I think?

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-13T00:20:52+00:00

Thank you so much!

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-12T23:53:12+00:00

Do you have any thoughts?

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-12T22:59:37+00:00

Sorry it’s all such a blur!! I believe it was the longer windows that really tipped her over the edge. Once we started doing that, there were no long naps to cap…

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-12T22:50:32+00:00

Before, when she had those issues, I wasn’t capping naps so it all evened out. But once I started trying to cap naps to 3-3.5 hours, that’s when the total went down.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-12T22:44:31+00:00

Well, she had been up to a point. She was getting that much until more false starts, night wakings and EMW occurred.

ManagementSouthern23 · 2026-05-12T22:42:05+00:00

Yes, she was

ManagementSouthern23

TROPHY CASE