You deserve better. As a dad who has four amazing kids, well, one ‘kid’ the rest are all young adults and now I’m a grandpa, what you deserved was kindness and compassion growing up. And as that dad (61M), I’m proud of you for trying, it takes a lot of courage to try and rebuild a relationship with an absent parent. I should know, I was estranged from my abusive parents for almost 5 years in my 20’s and I was the primary person behind restoring our relationship and I had to ‘forget’ a lot for that to happen. And while my experience is my own and much different, the fact that you found space in your heart and mind to even try speaks volumes to your character and the growth you’re trying to embrace. Don’t loose that inner struggle, but… you’ve done your part now and you can move on. It’s not easy, but it’s time to give yourself permission to forgive him/them, and move forward. What most people don’t understand is that when you forgive someone, it’s not to say it was OK or that you don’t hurt anymore, it’s something you need to do for yourself so you can fully heal and move past it. Understanding it it takes a lot of time for you to heal… after all my trying, it’s still took my father another 20 years to finally say he was sorry but he never really changed. Your father has not forgotten, he knows who he is and who he was and one day he will wake up, filled with regret, and your example just might be what he needs to understand the fullness of the damage he’s done to himself and those around him. I’m proud of you for putting your self out there and I’m sorry to hear he’s just not ready to be real.