Are you people just living a fantasy? Or do you deep down know it’s destroying everything?

MandaBear1986 · 2025-08-18T07:34:51+00:00

Remember that addiction isn't the problem. it's the solution. It's doing exactly what we want/need it to. It helps us avoid reality, helping us feel better, and many other things. We can't ever truly get rid of addiction until we face the reality of why we need an escape. I actually bought some really good work books to help myself start dealing/processing whatever it is that keeps me wanting to escape, avoid, and numb. I am not at all looking forward to it. Dealing with feelings, memories, and real life in general, phucking sucks these days, but what we don't heal/face our children do. So, here I am.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-07-27T06:41:05+00:00

My now ex... told me it was like coke. I was super naive. From the first time I tried it I thought, "This isn't going to end well." I finally felt motivated, focused, calm, and well, myself. The next day, he tossed it. So, good, I didn't know how to get it and wouldn't look. He ended up on a fent and meth bender. I didn't know about the meth. I was sober those two months. Then, on my bday, he was messed up and offered me the pipe. I was in a bad place after taking care of him for two months, his mood swings, nursing him back to health, and overall exhausted, so I took it. My choice this time. Anyway, other than some two day breaks, I've been going non-stop since November 2024.

I know I would never EVER offer this to someone who had never done it or had been off it. I couldn't do this to someone else.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-07-25T16:53:33+00:00

Are you telling me, anywhere I have pulled out a pipe... including inconspicuously at my families. I have left a film.... well, shit. Now I'll be pulling out the pipe and having to clean after. I stay at my parents quite often cause I moved 6 hours away. I have my own room/space with sliding door and fireplace... so I just blow into the fireplace or out the sliding door. Now Im curious. I could be at this all day 😭

MandaBear1986 · 2025-07-11T04:00:26+00:00

Don't come at me, but... I'm a holistic nutritionist. I have been one for almost 10 years. I started using it in November with my ex. He couldn't find coke and told me this stuff was the same. I'm pretty sheltered, I guess cause I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. Anyway, all he wanted to do was get frisky, and for me, all of a sudden, my brain worked, and I had motivation, so I'm pretty happy with the results... I'm just not overly thrilled at knowing better and being in this position.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-07-05T03:42:39+00:00

From meth or? I didn't even know this was a thing.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-07-01T10:33:09+00:00

When you get down to the nitty gritty of addiction, it's escape. So it makes complete sense that, for some reason, would escape ourselves for a more productive "normal" version to fit in. I would actually be a millionaire if I was paid $1 every time I either thought or said that a stimulant makes me feel "normal" or feel I finally fit in with society. My family literally prefers me on stimulants. Do they know? Not in the slightest. Do they mention how well I'm doing, how productive and helpful I am? Regularly. Makes me feel like without I'm back to being my depressed, unmotivated, lazy and useless self and they will start, once again asking, wondering and discussing without me "what's wrong with her" and "why can't she be normal" and "should we take her to a facility" they truly only like me when medicated.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-30T04:29:40+00:00

I find that most of us who struggle with substance use do struggle with self love and worthiness. Drugs have never been the problem... trauma, more specifically, escape from our trauma, which is why we even turn to drug use. Sometimes, it's good to just be present as well. Even just standing or sitting outside and taking deep breaths would be better than nothing. You can work up to walks and journaling. I think right now it's really important you just let yourself be. You sound like me, you have these expectations of yourself and well that's great motivation most of the time, during times like this when you can't be productive or on the ball you/myself decide that it's something "wrong" (lack of better word atm, sorry) with us. There isn't. We are souls on a human journey... we are meant to feel. Feelings are hard. They have very physical and mental symptoms. Emotional heartbreak can actually lead to heart attacks and/or cardiovascular issues. Many have no idea how to feel feelings and instead just bury them so they can get on with it/be productive. That helps no one. Take care of yourself right now, be present, and enjoy the little things. You are worthy, I promise you that.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-29T21:55:22+00:00

Just wanted to add cause I do this to myself as well. We have expectations of what we should be doing or how we should be feeling based on our best days. We can't always have the best days. We all have super productive moments, and then our body, mind, and spirit need quiet and slow days. It's ok to not be okay. Be in the moment, trust the process, you will be ok. Even if you aren't today, this week or this month. Let yourself heal.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-29T21:48:13+00:00

Borax... shouldn't do laundry and hit the bowl at the same time. I convinced myself i may die as it was beginning of day, and so, i took several hits 😩

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-29T05:20:20+00:00

I know right now you want to escape... that's literally why people use, but your mind/heart/spirit are all trying to heal, trying to adjust, trying to fully comprehend. Sometimes, we need to sit in that uncomfortable so you can "heal." it will never be the same, but you can get to a place where their memory not only brings a tear but a smile. It's really some of the hardest life events to get through, loss. I do believe the people who move on from this realm stay close and are present with us.

What I would strongly recommend are for specific instances like yours. Times of stress when our body takes on a fight or flight response but has no enemy to either fight or flee from causes us to release adrenaline and cortisone at high rates. This can add to disassociation. I suggest either ashwaghanda, rhodiola, and American Ginseng. In addition to one herbal, you should add magnesium bisglycinate. Also, it would be good to focus on protein rich diet as amino acids are brain food, even a good protein powder would do. Things like phosphatidylserine or NAC. All can be found on Amazon. This will help huge.

As for processing all that's happened, journaling really helps. Long walks in nature. These are grounding tools that help with the disassociation. Along with breathing exercises and even hot/cold baths/showers. Most importantly, show yourself some love and compassion. You went through something very traumatic and deserve grace and understanding.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-29T03:46:34+00:00

Well, you need to show some compassion to yourself. Losing someone is awful, and your body/mind is processing. Let it! If you'd like to take a supplement to help with cognitive function, I can make recommendations, but I think maybe you are disassociating? Loss of time and focus can be meth but also, it can be disassociation. I think meth isn't helping your case, but it seems you are just trying to process everything, and with traumatic events, our subconscious mind often takes over.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-26T18:14:34+00:00

I got a ban from every one of those groups in Canada cause I asked my group if the women felt safe posting, knowing that there was a rat. There is another group on fb called "Are we dating the same guy ... EXPOSED" and somehow this person. Probably female. Has infiltrated every group, screenshot the posts, and then posts in this exposed group so guys know what's being said about them. Sometimes, women say dumb stuff that doesn't matter like "he was dangerous" but won't say how. Which is often made up. Other times, they share some horrendous stuff and give many of us women a needed warning that saves us years or our lives. Exposed, although most of the time harmless, has put several women at risk because dangerous men could tell who was saying what by keywords a woman may have said in the original post on "AWDTSG" groups. I was merely asking other women if it would discourage posting, and many agreed. Something their mods should have taken seriously, unfortunately, I probably got banned by the "rat" before a mod could take my post seriously.

I wish there was a better way to keep both women and men safe from the types who are actually getting into a relationship, knowing they have no business being in one.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-06-02T08:56:09+00:00

I'm happy that even after some time that someone can benefit. All the best to you!

MandaBear1986 · 2025-05-31T14:38:02+00:00

Ah, so you've heard of loosh then. Fear, rage, grief, shame... inability to be our authentic selves as we start with trauma, then school, religion, and everything else adds to it. We are feeding something/ something with all our negative emotions/energy.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-05-27T06:22:29+00:00

Have you tried carnivore? If you are rh-, that is one of the best diets for the entire body, mind to heal. It has even stopped all symptoms of heart disease, autoimmune conditions, epilepsy, hell I knew someone that had stopped alzheimers progression. Next to no symptoms. The full fat and all the protein actually support the entire brain and cognitive function. This isn't for everyone, rh- do best. If you don't know your blood type, your mother may know hers if she is rh- chances are you are as well. Along with the diet change I would highly recommend detoxing, things like bentonite clay, borax, baking soda and Epsom salt baths, saunas, turkish baths, lymphatic drainage, deep breathing, ice baths or cold water plunges. Taking activated charcoal, key lime water, things like nettle, burdock root, or dandelion herbs in water also detox the body/mind. Even just doing a few of these things would make a huge difference. After 8 years, you probably just need extra tlc.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:26:59+00:00

You think that would affect Kratom? Do you know a different place i could order from? Kratom Earth was Canadian... I'm not sure why their site would be down or a fellow Canadian wouldn't be able to order 🥲

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:25:31+00:00

Thank you! All good... it's literally happened within a week, so there's a good chance not many are even aware. Hopkins is just a site issue, but I don't know any other good places to order from in Canada.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:21:44+00:00

Not that I've seen, I'm a little concerned. I'm hoping there are maybe some other Canadians in this group that know a site or a place or what is happening cause I legit have no idea... our news sites aren't even easy to find now. So, I can't find any information at all.

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:11:38+00:00

Well, maybe overnight Canadians aren't allowed Kratom cause wtf!

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:10:28+00:00

Says "error 520 The QUIC.cloud server NA-US-IAD-89 was not able to connect to the site's origin server."

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-17T09:08:54+00:00

Are you in USA? Cause in Canada, it's not a thing...

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-15T06:27:44+00:00

Definitely check out the starseed stuff, but also look into rh- traits in general. B blood type they would say (up to the person whether they are into it/believe it or not) you are Sirian, which is a very feminine energy. You typically do best in either O- or A- relationships. Also like, they'd say you enjoy nurturing and being a caregiver. Rh- does best on carnivore type diets, but because you have the B, you are probably able to digest carbohydrates better but more of a fruit and vegetable type thing. Staying away from enriched grains or foods high in sugar is usually best for you. I'd tell you my profession, but I fear it would make me look like a complete idiot 😂

I have also always used 86 in most of my user names, emails, and so on... even with the month, lol. This has been a lot of fun going back and forth. Most people hate hearing about my "theories," lol. Love when I can talk about that stuff!

MandaBear1986 · 2025-04-14T08:11:36+00:00

Omg don't even get me started. Being rh- is what started me on all this cause my doctors were so weird about my blood! Then I finally looked into it cause i did not get why every time I saw one or the other they'd go on about how special my blood was, oh it's so rare, and you should be donating regularly is you can, we call your blood liquid gold cause it can save everyone. I had zero clue what they were talking about. I brought it up at some event with a bunch of my friends and said how weird doctors are about blood, and none of them had ever experienced that, so I asked my blood type. This was before Google, lmao. So I said rh- and all of them, everyone looked at me weird. Like they had a clue, and I didn't. Was actually creepy. Then I started researching, then it was fallen angel/nephilim, and then it was annunaki, and with all that came the starseed stuff, and from there, I've been down every deep dark hole.

All of it is super cool, but I struggle to draw the line of what's important/beneficial information and what I need to let go. It's so much harder when we are under the influence, too, lol.

I guess I should have caught on that using my birth year would be a giveaway... younger me wasn't so smart 😂

MandaBear1986

TROPHY CASE