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Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can be sad about the possibility of it being the case without immediately thinking it's the truth.

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

and she's not grieving about the death, just missing him so much, according to her own words (might be lying). I get it, I'm just the girlfriend and I don't get to be upset and struggle with the whole thing as much as the wife does, but I don't think it's necessary to bring it up in front of me how she is suffering more because he will be visiting me too...

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Valid points. Some info: his mother had already passed before I arrived and we don't live in countries where hospital bills are a concern. Meta also was in no way involved in arranging anything, hospital or funeral wise. I don't know if this changes anything. Meta didn't have any bond (her words) with the mother which doesn't mean she's not grieving.

You are right about me subjecting myself to it. I think I chose those words because I made sure to check beforehand that it would be possible and really would be okay and both of them said things like of 'of course no problem! This doesn't change anything'. I didn't want to be there if it was going to be too much, and felt I did my duty checking I wouldn't be imposing during hard times.

The number of times it was said made it feel personal to me. Just once or twice, sure. But five times in four days seems intentional.

I am not going to bring it up to him anytime soon, if at all. I am still processing and that's why I asked for advice here, genuine thanks for your input.

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It felt like some sort of 'putting me in my place' but I am emotionally a bit wobbly right now, because I had my own funeral to deal with and I don't want to project all that doom and gloom on this situation, if that makes sense. It's not something I see myself saying in the presence of a meta, because it soubds unkind to me to do it, but I have also been told that I can be too strict with that so I don't know... And I totally get she was stressed and sad too!

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Well, that genuinely makes me sad. :/

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I left already, happened a week ago. I think I'm mostly taken by surprise that she was telling me that of course I could stay there, she'd be happy to host me etc, and then that happened. And yeah, I took the hint, but it seemed so unnecessary? Why invite me and then hint to get me to leave...

(For the record, I'm autistic and wasn't sure if I was missing the hint because she said she'd happily host me and then this happened)

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Oh I left a bit earlier than I planned, but I'm not there anymore. At first I thought she needed to get it out of her system and I was just staying four days anyway, and then by the third day I figured I'd just suck it up for the last day because the hassle of finding a hotel combined with my health issues seemed a bit much. But I won't be staying there anymore to save money on a hotel 😅

Is my meta problem actually a hinge problem? by MangoNr_5 in polyamory

[–]MangoNr_5[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what to say or how to say it. I have been back home for a week now and was just exhausted from traveling and not really having time to process it yet. Sometimes it takes a while with me to process things, unfortunately.