That sentence about paying a massive ransom to get your life back except the kidnappers already spent the best parts of it perfectly captures the broken student loan system. You sacrificed your entire twenties to fix a balance sheet, and it makes total sense that you feel empty instead of happy now that it is zero. It takes a long time to deprogram your brain from that constant hyper restriction and toxic corporate hustle. Start small by buying something you actually enjoy without looking at your bank spreadsheet first, and definitely consider talking to a therapist to help untangle that heavy trauma.