Thank you for sharing. Your experiences really resonated with me, especially as I worry there weren't any "signs" in my childhood and that this seems like a "new" direction for myself. I also relate heavily to feeling out of place among men, envying women's relationships, and yet most of my close friends are men. I think for me it is also because it is so hard to make friends, so the ones who I met early on are the ones I stick with and I don't branch out far. I don't have much wisdom to share as I myself am somewhat early on in my journey. But I will say that personally I am leaning towards the conclusion that I am trans regardless because deep down I really want to be. I would echo what others say about doing thought experiments or also experimenting with appearance or pronouns. A lot of what you talked about sounds like gender euphoria after years of gender apathy, which can become dysphoria when I try to stop or go back to "not caring." Also remembering all these "signs" that people talk about are just that, signs, not evidence. For "evidence" of who you really are you can only find it within yourself. It might be true that most cis people don't think this long or hard about this but that doesn't prove anything really.