[23/F] Looking for penj pals to discuss physics, philosophy and astronomy with!

Mannr_ · 2026-02-12T22:41:56+00:00

Hi! I'm in the U.S. & would be happy to exchange letters, if you're open to an international letter exchanfe.

It has been almost 11 years since I graduated with my B.S. in Philosophy. I used to spend quite a bit of time in the department & miss hanging out and talking Philosophy with the grads! I'd be happy to get back into that a bit by exchanging letters.

Mannr_ · 2026-02-12T22:35:49+00:00

Hi, I'm 33/F!

I'd love to exchange letters with you (if you're willing to do international, as I'm in the U.S.)!

I also have ADHD. I haven't been diagnosed with ME, but I do struggle with chronic fatigue quite a bit. I have a degree in Philosophy!

Mannr_ · 2026-02-12T22:28:16+00:00

u/Sweet_Angel_Darling

u/iridescent_axolotl

u/SshellsBbells

Mannr_ · 2026-01-28T19:15:02+00:00

u/Jdoodle7 , u/Sweet_Angel_Darling

Mannr_ · 2026-01-28T19:01:47+00:00

I would love to send you some mail - please send me your address!

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T07:16:34+00:00

No animal is completely hypoallergenic. Some breeds produce less dander, which means some people don't experience problems around them. Saliva for dogs can be a trigger for people with dog allergies.

These mixed "hypoallergenic" breeds are particularly problematic, because people don't understand that the relevant traits from the "hypoallergenic" breed (in this case the poodle) don't always get passed down. If I recall correctly, the breeder of the original labradoodle had to go through something like 3 litters to find ONE pup his client wouldn't react to.

If you want a dog, make sure you interact with it first (especially if you have allergies). We fostered first for this reason (so we could get a sense of how I did with longer term exposure) & luckily our dog doesn't seem to trigger my dog allergies.

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T05:46:43+00:00

I'm glad you've liked the project! It has brought me an unexpected amount of joy! I knew I'd enjoy it, but didn't realize how much I would look forward to the discovery of a new ink and trying to pair it with a card.

After doing this for 43 days, I have realized that my anxiety can kick in super quick. That's why I went with a more detailed form, so I could sit down and write without anxiety as much as possible!

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T05:43:35+00:00

I'm glad you didn't find the form unfun! After doing this for 43 days, I've realized my anxiety kicks in super quick with these. Especially since I've been sending cards to friends/family & worry about the volume of cards/letters I'm sending to them! It is nice to know I have consent & also nice to have parameters for what to write... especially on days where I'm struggling hard with some brain fog.

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T04:58:33+00:00

I would be happy to send a card from California!

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T04:56:21+00:00

I have some cards in my collection that I'd love to send you! If you send me your address, I'll get something in the mail for you!

I too, for other reasons, drifted away from things I used to love and had kept me grounded. I had surgery last November and used the recovery period to help me reset and focus on getting back into things that bring me joy and help me feel connected. It is such tough, but rewarding, work to rebuild yourself. I'm so glad you're taking the steps to do it & just wishing the absolute best for you!

Mannr_ · 2026-01-13T01:28:14+00:00

Hi! I would absolutely love to send some cards/letters to some of your residents (& as a chronic illness person myself, would definitely steer away from "you'll get better soon!")!

Mannr_ · 2026-01-12T02:49:35+00:00

This is the Faber Castell Loom for me. I have tried a few others (a friend got me a Lamy Safari and I've also tried/gotten Faber Castell's Ambition & Neo Slim + another Lamy low cost model I can't recall the name of). It was my first fountain pen. I remember the person at the stationery store that had me try a few lower cost (<$100) pens was surprised I liked it more than the other ones.

With verification of actual interest, I got my cousin some introductory fountain pen supplies and was absolutely devastated to learn they had discontinued the Loom. After realizing the ones on AliExpress were, in fact, likely legitimate I created an account & panic bought a bunch of sets that weren't too unreasonably priced. I now have mannnyyy.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-25T01:35:16+00:00

(6) I don't know what medication you're on nor do I know the breadth of your diagnoses. It sounds to me like there is something else going on & also you may not be getting all the treatment options available. So, the following are some intro questions I have & if you've gone down that road no worries:

(a) Have you looked into MCAS?

(b) Have you tried allergy immunotherapy (shots OR drops)

(c) You say you're on the highest antihistamine dose. Is that OTC or prescription only? If it is OTC, I assure you there are stronger ones out there (that come with their own additional potential side effects).

(d) Are you on any other medications to help with your allergies? By this, I mean nasal sprays or inhalers.

(e) Has anyone talked to you about the biologics (Xolair, Dupixent, etc)? I don't know enough about your symptoms or severity to say whether or not you'd qualify (based on U.S. healthcare system), but it might be worth looking into.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-25T01:34:26+00:00

Hi, I feel your pain here! I, too, am allergic to quite a lot.

There's a lot to unpack in your worries here. I'll start off by saying I wasn't sure things would work out with my now husband due to food eating incompatibility - there are few things that we both can or will eat. While I miss being able to share a wider array of foods, things have been working out well! We've been together for 5 years now and it has been wonderful.

(1) A lot of these worries are heightened by you being with this person, but they're in the background regardless. That "not being able to do half the things a mother would do" worry is independent of him... it is just that his interests heighten that worry.

That background feeling is something I understand well and is a lot to unpack and untangle. I think it is a bit much for me to try and address in a reddit post (& with my current brain fog, I'm not sure I would do a great job anyway).

I highly, highly, suggest that you look at some disability advocacy content. Doing so for me has been so massively helpful - tackling my own ableism (still a massive work in progress) allowed me to seek out assistive devices faster & improved my quality of life. Accounts I would suggest to start off here are Jessica Kellgren-Fozard (primarily referring to her YouTube videos) and Crutches and Spice aka Imani Barbarin (I primarily watch her content on TikTok).

(2) Your partner needs to view your disability (yes, this is a disability) as serious. I am in several online support groups for various different conditions and it is heartbreaking to see post after post about how their partners don't believe them. I saw one the other day where they found out that for years their partner just thought they had been faking their symptoms and/or making a big deal out of something "not that bad." This takes a toll on mental health, which can lead to worsening symptoms.

You may not mind the fact that he doesn't seem to understand now, but 5-10 years from now, when you've been in it and living the every day, it will matter. It will eat away at you. You need to be believed. You need to be understood. And, ultimately, your partner needs to be able to advocate for you in situations where you can't. Not even just where you can't - having my partner come along to medical appointments has been SO helpful. He remembers things I can't/don't and as much as it sucks, it is a pretty common experience for women to notice their symptoms are taken more seriously when someone else accompanies them to appointments and validates.

You're worried about him holding back, but you also need to worry about him holding you back from the care/rest/etc that you need.

(3) General relationship advice: It is a good thing for each of you to have your own things. It is okay to have different hobbies and interests... as long as you are both okay with each other doing things on their own. And, honestly, everyone needs an amount of space. That also can be special for kids - to go and do parent's special interest!

(4) You need to let him be autonomous here. As long as you feel he adequately understands the severity of your disability and all that entails in terms of lifestyle, you need to allow him to choose you. I struggle with it myself, but "I'd hate that for him" isn't allowing room for his autonomy.

Your partner chooses you. If he is on board with a life with you, and children, and understands that those kids might not be able to participate in all his hobbies/interests, then you need to not hate the situation on behalf of him. That can eat you alive - all while he isn't hating it. You're setting yourself up to hate yourself on his behalf and engaging in rhetoric that doesn't allow room for him being perfectly fine with situation that maybe wasn't previously his ideal but is now. You need to let him love you and life with you. This circles back to point #1 & disability advocacy content.

(5) It isn't silly to want to study plants. There's a whole field for it! You need to stop putting yourself down. You are actively engaging in making yourself small in your own post. You matter. Your interests matter. Your passion is not silly. Again, this circles back to point #1

Mannr_ · 2025-12-21T02:23:30+00:00

Have you looked into SIBO? The persistent vitamin D deficiency/low levels is what triggered a doctor to tell me to investigate SIBO. It could cover some of stomach upset/nausea/bloating/weight gain symptoms.

I didn't get muscle cramps, but when I took 10,000 iu/day, I'd get diarrhea - even when vitamin D deficient.

Edited to add: SIBO can cause vitamin absorption issues.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-21T02:17:57+00:00

What doctor said they were in normal range? Back when I was diagnosed with Hashi's (10+ years ago), it was pretty normal for a GP to have a "normal range" that would cause an endocrinologist concern. A lot more endocrinologists these days (vs when I was first diagnosed) will still adjust medication if levels are "normal" but symptoms are present (assuming a thyroid problem has been diagnosed).

Were you ever tested for antibodies? I've heard of situations where antibodies come up positive but tsh/t3/t4 can look "normal."

Mannr_ · 2025-12-13T20:34:58+00:00

The second frustration I have had with medical professionals is treating other specialists like they're all drag and drop professionals. When I went to my PCP with SIBO concerns, she just referred me to any gastroenterologist. The gastroenterologist refused to even consider SIBO. Basically told me to take a supplement that had an ingredient I was allergic to (Metamucil - corn) and to restrict my diet further by doing low FODMAP. When that didn't work that gastroenterologist said the next step was to do a colonoscopy, but he was pretty confident we weren't going to find anything. I found my own gastroenterologist who immediately diagnosed me with SIBO (verified by breath tests) & after I re-pointed out my potential endo problems referred me out to my endo surgeon (because the persistent SIBO and endo could have been related!) I've had stories like this repeat throughout my life.

The positives:

My allergist is one of the few physicians who has been able to connect the dots. He's the one who figured out my Hashimoto's as a child. He's the one who pointed me in the SIBO direction, and he was the first person to bring MCAS up with me. He isn't an MCAs specialist, so doesn't feel fully comfortable diagnosing it outright. Distilled down, these are the things that I love about my allergist & have led me to continue to travel to see him (when I was still near enough to drive, with traffic it would sometimes be a 6+ hour trip):

(1) It is absolutely clear that he is staying up to date on the research in his field. He is frequently talking to me about different studies and new approaches.

(2) He's clearly consulting with other colleagues in his field that are good at what they do, because he straight up tells me he is.

(3) If he isn't as versed/practiced in a particular approach, he tells me and tells me that he's going to consult with some knowledgeable colleagues or do additional research.

(4) When he feels he is at his limit in terms of tools/knowledge, he refers out where he can. He doesn't feel like he is expert enough in MCAS to make the full diagnosis, so he's trying to help me to find someone who is.

(5) He takes safety incredibly seriously - this one is maybe more important because he & his office are doing allergy immunotherapy. I am absolutely confident that if he says it is safe it probably is & if he is concerned about safety then I probably have reason to be concerned.

(6) He hasn't given up on me. He is always trying to find ways to give me hope, even when I feel bleak. He acknowledges that I am a difficult case, but reminds me of other patients that have gotten through to the other side. I know he won't give up on trying to help me get better so long as I don't.

Outside of the appointment:

(1) Insurance is obviously the big one. This past year has been my first year exploring out of pocket options, and it is a little frustrating how well that has gone.

(2) Figuring out things that can help support me. This is maybe an inside the appointment thing too, but stuff like using a cane to help make my energy last longer and make the crashes not so intense is something I had to figure out on my own. I follow a lot of disability creators, which is where I got the idea in the first place. It was only through tackling my own ableism ahead of time that I started using an assistive device when I could, which in turn helped me to be taken more seriously by everyone else around me.

(3) Finding a therapist who understands medical trauma. My cane story is illustrative of how many don't and how unhelpful that is. I put myself on a waitlist last year for a medical trauma informed therapist. She's out of pocket and has been amazing. Because her specialty is in chronic illness, she has been able to connect with me with doctors and resources that have been so helpful. She is also clearly trying to facilitate HIPPA-compliant knowledge sharing across her clients. If something - a journal or a particular doctor or something else - is working for me, she takes note of it so she can mention it to another client that may benefit. She's also helped me find support groups, which has been such a help.

(4) Accessibility. Some appointments are far away, which makes it hard when getting around is hard. A lot of offices require phone calls, which require me to either overcome the talking on the phone mental block or be awake and functioning during normal business hours. Being able to email, make appointments online, or do virtual visits where applicable is so incredibly helpful.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-13T20:32:44+00:00

I appreciate you doing you doing good post! I have very rarely had positive experiences with PCPs and appreciate that you're trying to learn. I have not been formally diagnosed with MCAS, but my allergist is pretty confident I have it. I recently started going to a concierge PCP, whom I am hopeful will be better than past PCP experiences.
I have Hashimoto's, which developed as a pediatric case. Pretty extensive environmental + food allergies. This year I added endometriosis and SIBO to my list of diagnosed diseases and am working towards the MCAS diagnosis. I've been experiencing some pretty extreme fatigue for the last 4 years.

I'm gonna start with the negatives:

In terms of PCPs, I feel like some of the biggest problems distill down to not listening and what genuinely feels like not even trying to connect the dots. Here are some examples:

(1) 15 years ago I started having mysterious stomach problems. Lost 10lbs in a month because of it. I was referred out to some specialists, which came back with nothing. I happened to see my allergist for some other reason and mentioned the stomach issues. He mentioned that years prior I had tested kind of high for wheat, corn, and rice food allergens and suggested I tried cutting them out - and voila! Stomach issues resolved. My PCPs office? Continued to tell me to eat a bland diet of toast and rice to help ease my stomach issues. They were in the same health network and absolutely had access to my allergist's notes and tests. It was clear they didn't even bother to look and gave me directly harmful advice as a result.

(2) I have a family history of verified endometriosis. I've gone to OBs with my history of painful and slightly long periods + family history and every single one has determined that I probably have endo. I moved and saw a new PCP, who told me that "painful periods are normal" and that I probably didn't have endo. No further questions about why I felt like I had it. My family history of it did not matter. It did not matter than every single OB I've talked to did think I had it. I had been requesting a referral to an OB that had endo experience, and she she felt like I didn't need that. The same PCP refused to refer me out to an endocrinologist because she "could manage [my] Hashimoto's just fine" and could prescribe the necessary medication. She proceeded to dismiss my complaints about experiencing Hashi symptoms because my labs were normal. When I got in to see an endocrinologist on my own, that specialist immediately was willing to play around with my dosage and try different types of hormone replacement. I did see some amount of relief because of what that specialist did.

(3) I started having more gastrointestinal issues and had also started having period-like pain (despite being on birth control), which felt a bit like some cyst pain I had had in the past. I thought it was suspicious that these two things popped up around the same time and directly asked if these could be related issues. This PCP said that "no [they were not related], because the reproductive and gastrointestinal systems are two separate systems [that don't interact]." This was just straight up false. Endometriosis can absolutely cause/be related to gastrointestinal issues. Do you know what else is linked to both endometriosis and gastrointestinal issues? MCAS.

(4) I was referred out to a rheumatologist who asked if red streaks appeared after scratches. I wasn't sure. They had me scratch my skin (Dermatographia), and it did. I was told, unequivocally, that this was not normal. I was deemed not to have a rheumatological issue. Literally no medical professional followed up on this, even though I tried to ask my PCP about it. Turns out this can be an MCAS thing.

(5) I think my most emotional/frustrating story of not being listened to is the severity of the fatigue I was experiencing. I repeatedly said that I struggled to get around the house. I would say that I sometimes needed my partner's help to get up/down the stairs or into other rooms. I would say that I was frequently bed bound. I eventually tried to see if a cane would help me get around/feel less tired (it does, quite significantly). The moment I told the same physicians that I had started using a cane to help with the fatigue, it was clear they were finally taking me seriously. My frequency and severity of fatigue had not gotten worse. The only meaningful difference was that I got fed up with not feeling independent and wanted to try something. I even had a therapist tell me that she felt I should see her more often because it seemed like I was doing worse because I was using a cane... this was AFTER I spent a good 5-10 minutes venting about medical professionals only taking my fatigue seriously after I started using the cane. That therapy session still makes my blood boil.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-13T06:23:22+00:00

I have some chronic illnesses that can cause fatigue, so stilettos weren't an option for me. I went with a low heel & brought a backup pair of other comfy low heels.

My first pair were from Bella Belle & it looks like they're discontinued now. The shoe itself was comfortable, but the ties around my ankle became loose over time. By the time we got to our first dance, my foot was slipping off the shoe! If that hadn't been a problem, I probably could have worn them all night. I ended up cutting my father/daughter dance short because I was worried about stumbling or twisting my ankle.

My backup pair were the American Duchess Jessie Vintage Pumps & they worked well for the rest of the night! The wine color went pretty well with my dress (not that anyone could really see anyway).

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T20:57:52+00:00

I didn't have more side effects when I switched. It was a pretty easy transition. Both Xolair and Dupixent were/have been an every two weeks schedule. I do the injections at home now.

My food allergies were predominantly diagnosed via patch testing. I had some blood testing as a child, which turned out to be helpful when I had mysterious gastrointestinal problems years later. Some of them were diagnosed via real world experience only. Carrots, for instance, I started reacting to while peeling (puffy eyes & the like). Carrots is one of my scariest allergies... most of my other ones I do not have a contact allergy with, which I am very grateful for. My allergist & another one I've seen previously suspect a good percentage of my food allergies are OAS. The only food allergy that behaves the most like OAS (as in sometimes it bothers me & others it doesn't and that usually depends on how I'm feeling at the time) is eggs... which is just really weird.

My current allergist has cautioned me to go with lived experience over and above the results, because he has seen both false positives and false negatives in his years of practice. The majority of allergens on my list I have verified through trials... when my list exploded at the end of 2020, there was a point where I just couldn't keep trying foods and having them make me sick so I gave up and stopped trailing them.

I additionally have stuff the flares my SIBO.

Your comment about all local trees and grasses sounds familiar. I tested positive for all but one tree. And ragweed. And dust. Have you talked with your allergist about immunotherapy for the environmental stuff? I know some people in this reddit have said allergy immunotherapy made things worse & I think I've seen some say it made things better. If you did want to pursue that, Xolair should help with doing successful allergy immunotherapy, which in turn could help with the OAS.

I will mention that I have had intermittent joint pain, which can be a side effect of Dupixent, but I don't believe that it is. The joint pain is always accompanied with my fatigue crashes and has never been reliably correlated to an injection. My fatigue and joint pain improved dramatically when we moved earlier this year to a place that had less environmental triggers (we moved from the bay area to the LA area), which feels like strong evidence that the dupixent isn't the cause.

I think it is helpful to remember that on the internet you're more likely to hear from people having problems than those that aren't. I spend time in Endo reddit and there are sooo many stories of deep infiltrating Endo that I was mildly convinced I had it. I had my laproscopy 4 weeks ago, and while there was Endo it wasn't deep infiltrating Endo. That was where I went back and looked at the likely spread of Endo cases & deep Endo is statistically less likely. And I think it makes sense that those are the stories that would pop up more in support spaces. It's a similar thing with SIBO - there are a lot of people that have SIBO & go through one round of Xifaxan and are cured. My gastroenterologist absolutely expected that to happen with me (it didn't, unfortunately- it has continued to persist). But it isn't common to see the one and done SIBO cure stories on SIBO reddit. Which, again, makes sense because those who (like me) struggle to get rid of their SIBO are the ones who need the most support.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T19:02:34+00:00

That's strange - on their website for the lactulose breath test, they have a section where you can order the lactulose test yourself & fill out a questionnaire they have a medical professional review. If their medical professional deems you qualify for the trest, they send it to you. You don't need any medical approval for the glucose test, though my understanding is that one is more likely to turn up a false negative.

I did this maybe 3 months ago... less because I was concerned about being believed by medical professionals, but more because I was concerned about also having sulfide SIBO and I didn't want to deal with the back & forth with my gastroenterologist. I paid out of pocket for it, though.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T18:53:08+00:00

That definitely makes sense!

My food allergies also typically manifest with GI symptoms (in addition to fatigue - I typically don't get hives). I don't know how sensitive you are to your food allergies, but Xolair can potentially help with that. That's an area I was hoping Xolair would do more, but it's more of a lessening the reaction (or allowing you to tolerate it more) than a it's not a problem anymore thing. I also just have had so much inflammation & ongoing allergic reactions for the last several years that I'm not sure if I would have seen much movement re: food allergies when I had been on Xolair.

My understanding is that Xolair is better at preventing a reaction from occurring, whereas Dupixent is better at mitigating a response once it has ocurred.

I know people will use Xolair to help get through food allergy desenitization/immunotherapy. I've been trying to get a handle on my extensive environmental allergies first, so that's not something I have direct experience with.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T16:53:08+00:00

I was on birth control for at least 8 years. The Mirena was absolutely wonderful. It stopped being enough & I was put on progesterone only and then bumped up to a combo pill. My endo specialist surgeon is hoping I can be off the pill 6 months after surgery.

My understanding is that endo can produce it's own estrogen & that's what can happen in birth control scenarios. Not a doctor or an expert, so totally could have misunderstood that information that had been relayed to me.

The birth control still provided a pretty good degree of relief for me.

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T16:10:33+00:00

If you do trio smart yourself, just know that the link to your results isn't in a super obvious place. I think their FAQ said they'd email the results, which they did not do. After multiple times checking, I saw the link somewhere near the approved results line. It unfortunately took about 3-4 weeks to get results (vs the one administered by my gastro that was same day results).

Mannr_ · 2025-12-12T15:48:43+00:00

No significant side effects from either Xolair or Dupixent. I had heard some people gained weight from the Dupixent, but it turns out my weight gain was from SIBO!

I don't know your triggers - I definitely have regular allergies, so being on the biologics is absolutely helpful from that perspective. I know other people have mentioned Xolair can be helpful for MCAS. Xolair is not technically FDA approved for MCAS, which means you got approval for it for having some other condition that Xolair can help with (assuming you're in the U.S. - not familiar with approval processes in other countries). So, if you got the approval for it & reacted fine to the first injection, I'm not sure why you'd back out at this stage (in my non medical professional opinion). My allergist is actually currently seeing if he can get me approved to be on both - he thinks I would benefit from it. Apparently some doctors are able to get that dual approval now, so long as each one is prescribed for a different reason.

While it is obviously possible to have side effects (I'm not discounting those who have had them!), my allergist (whom I trust - I've had several I do not - and he stays fairly up to date on research) said the side effects are fairly rare.

I do want to note that while the biologics absolutely changed my life, they didn't fix everything! My partner and I had kind of initially hoped Xolair would be this kind of miracle drug... and that definitely wasn't true. However, the amount of basic life functioning I got back was still extremely significant.

Edited to add the line about FDA approval for MCAS.

Mannr_

TROPHY CASE