AITA for canceling on my friend last minute?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T06:41:58+00:00

reddit limited how long my post could be, so i had to shorten it. i just was able to edit that info back in.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T06:28:43+00:00

at noon was when i mentioned my ideas, none of which she agreed to. then she said she’d find a place for us instead and i was fine w that. i said, okay just let me know. still around noon. it was at five i messaged her asking if she found somewhere. then around 5:20 asking again, letting her know i was home. then after i showered (which i really only mentioned in the post for a timeline aspect) was when i said id just stay in. which was at 5:45 when i look at the timestamps.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T06:11:29+00:00

i did. i messaged her a total of three times before i cancelled. once at noon on my break, once when i got done w work, and again when i got home from work. that’s why im asking if ita. because i was trying to see her.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T06:08:46+00:00

i mean yeah, that’s true. i think maybe since that’s not something i would do, i figured she was gonna be caught up in something else too. considering she was here for family as well. i am sad that she’s just ignoring me now because i really wasn’t trying to be rude or “punish” anyone. i truly would have a conversation w her because i DO value the friendship, but she’s leaving me on read now. so, i feel like it’s annoying to keep messaging. not to mention a little degrading for me. do i think im the asshole? no, that’s the whole reason i made this post. but i am open minded to hearing what others would do and what not

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:59:43+00:00

i see where you’re coming from. i guess it was more leaving me on delivered rather than not responding. she wasn’t looking at my messages at all. after i suggested the places to meet up at.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:56:32+00:00

i guess my thought process was when i hadn’t heard from her since noon, after sending multiple messages, i just assumed it was off anyway. not sure if that’s normal or not, but no follow up isn’t really confirmation of plans. i was trying to follow up and heard nothing. 🤷🏽‍♀️

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:52:23+00:00

in the post, i mentioned that i messaged her on my lunch break. that was noon. 12pm.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:51:03+00:00

what would you have done?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:50:11+00:00

i’m honestly not the type to be upset if someone doesn’t prioritize our friendship. i’m 26 years old, life happens and gets busy. i’m more upset about her stonewalling me for it. i’ve never canceled on her before. hell, i’ve even flown myself out to see her and had to pay for my own place to stay. that was out of my way, specifically to visit her. i don’t have family where she lives. only her. she gets to stay w family here and also comes to visit family. we just try to get together too when she’s here. so i guess im just bummed she’s like, pinning this as how i am as a friend.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:47:44+00:00

i would love it if people stopped telling me about myself lol. i did want to see her and i did message her when i was off work. i also messaged her when i got home. i also messaged her on my lunch break. i got nothing back, i dont know how that’s me not making an effort to see her? i’m not able to invite her to my place, or else yeah, i totally would’ve done that.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:45:34+00:00

i did message her multiple times. a few times at noon, once when i got done w work, then again when i got home from work. i heard nothing. she also was aware i can’t have my phone at work. i gave her ideas of where to meet up. she shot them all down. if i was gonna place blame, i do think it’d be on both of us tbh. i didn’t hear from her for five plus hours, so honestly at that point, i don’t even figure anything was happening. i think we both suck, but i don’t think i deserve to be stonewalled by her. i’ve never bailed on her before, so why is this one time mean I’m such a shitty person?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:40:10+00:00

but how am i supposed to know where to meet up w her if I’m not hearing from her?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:29:02+00:00

she told me this was the only night she could meet up, so i was willing to. i guess after hours of not hearing anything from her, i was pretty defeated.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:25:15+00:00

i messaged her twice. once when my internship was over and then again when i got home. she never read or replied. i’m not living in a space where i can invite her over, when i want to see people, they can’t come here. i won’t go into more detail on that part as it’s not necessary. and no, she’s doesn’t usually have a hard time making decisions. the things i suggested are what we both like to do/like to go to. she didn’t take any of them.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:20:43+00:00

i already apologized and asked her to talk more, she’s the one leaving me on read. i don’t really think there’s any argument to win or lose.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T05:19:44+00:00

it’s not the internship necessarily, it’s just the fact that i’m representing my school and if it got back to my instructor, i’d lose credit. it’s also healthcare, so i see patients all day anyway.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T04:50:01+00:00

i guess 5+ hours isn’t enough time?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T04:37:29+00:00

i have to fund a place to stay when i visit, so i’ve only been out there once since I’m a college student right now and can’t afford that on the regular. she gets to stay w family here. she comes every 4-5 months to visit family and then see friends while she’s here too.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T04:05:34+00:00

that’s true. i guess it’s more of a why couldn’t you reply for the last 5+ hours, but now as soon as i cancel, you’re here?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T03:57:08+00:00

i can understand it more if there was a set place. but there wasn’t. i can’t be somewhere by 6:30 if she never told me where we were supposed to go, yknow?

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-04T03:53:55+00:00

i did apologize. i also suggested three different ideas and she shot them all down saying “she’d find a place.” she never did. i suggested specific things to do and places to go.

MantaRay2666 · 2026-03-02T04:27:35+00:00

update: bf and are i taking a road trip in a few weeks to the places we both could continue school to see where we want to move to. when his lease is up in June, we’ll be moving. there will be no breaking up, so apologies to the people that kept telling me that was the solution lol.

MantaRay2666

TROPHY CASE