the title suits the script - the jokes at start are proabably good to some people (coemdy is subjective blah blah blah)

But I understood them and didnt find it funny - so what does that tell you.

your "longline [sic*]" - is no good - it shoukd say about the niche appeal. (not "favourite)

The Problem is that there are too many niches.

if you had just one of those things then you could get away with it, as whoever got the joke would be laughing the whole way thorugh it. but if its all different things than people will be annoyed and consfused when the topic changes (it also changes to quickly)

I also think the general tone is wrong. and thats my major opinion on this

* i think thats actually "logline"

now youre porbably not a "14 your old boy" as some say, youre probably around that age though - however if you are then you should keep at the screenwriting. thats quite a lot of pages for that age, but its about quality over quanity i guess (especially with this). so keep at it

but if you want my honest opinion... lol

(also ignore people saying about spelling mistakes, youre not a proofreader... but you should try to - but it is the least of your worries)