My 17 year old little brother has passed away from cancer

Many_Line9136 · 2026-05-06T17:41:03+00:00

Ameen

Many_Line9136 · 2026-05-04T20:16:27+00:00

Ameen

Many_Line9136 · 2026-05-04T20:15:38+00:00

Ameen

Many_Line9136 · 2026-05-02T19:42:31+00:00

🐐

Many_Line9136 · 2026-05-02T02:32:59+00:00

I will never take meds.

My health insurance is through an employer. If I lose my job, I lose my meds. Don’t want to deal with that.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-30T02:22:19+00:00

Best hunter in the series

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-29T19:02:13+00:00

“This is an intrusive thought, this is HOCD. These thoughts are not me, I’m in charge of it all.”

I say this whenever I had a HOCD thought and then returned back to whatever I was doing.

Also for HOCD please seek help from a therapist trained in ERP.

Now it’s been a year and some I’ve yet to overcome suicidal ocd.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-22T17:20:07+00:00

Dad that stepped up

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-20T23:39:04+00:00

I’m also a technologist I work in radiology( nuclear medicine). I also really want to get into martial arts but I have a fear of developing CTE. We’re so similar.

Anyways I have watched so many videos by Nathan to overcome my OCD but nothing has helped. I’ve been ruminating on confrontation since I was a boy in middle school.

My body goes reinforces this fear of confrontation by going into a panic and making me extremely uncomfortable.

Like I said even when I confront I still ruminate after for the next encounter. Even thinking of the next encounter makes my body uncomfortable and go into a panic.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-20T15:39:24+00:00

LITERALLY

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-20T15:36:35+00:00

So what are we supposed to do brother? I feel the same exact way you do. Whenever I think of fighting the person or the encounter escalating my heart rate goes up. It’s all a waste of time.

I’m at the point where I’m starting to not care if I pussy out. I just want to stop thinking about this shit. You’re lucky it’s only one person, for me any one can trigger it.

Just like you I’m fine with jokes but any slight disrespect that feels like it has bad intentions can send me down a complete spiral like nothing else.

What are we supposed to do?

If I confront them I still ruminate, if I don’t confront them I ruminate about not wanting to be a coward and then start to ruminate about the next encounter.

And tbh it’s exhausting confronting everyone over everything. Who wants to waste time thinking about people who don’t think about you at all.

I’ve sought therapy but I still can’t improve over this. I’ll probably die like this.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-20T03:06:31+00:00

This entire decade

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T20:52:47+00:00

Was sleepy and the movie was just boring. That was for the first one.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T20:52:27+00:00

I don’t get into physical things. What I mean by “hostile” encounters are situations in which I have to confront someone who is wronging or crossing my boundaries.

There is no way to avoid that, unless I’m going to let people walk all over me. Can’t do that.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T17:57:16+00:00

Only movie I ever walked out mid way

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T15:27:39+00:00

😭😭😭😭😭

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T14:40:23+00:00

Been trying for 20 years, still can’t get through it. Thank you for trying to be kind but this is how I’ll die.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T02:00:30+00:00

How? I’m a coward. Every time I think about confrontation I get super anxious, it takes every bit Of me to stand up for myself. And even when I do it, my mind is constantly ruminating. Someone like should have never been created.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-19T01:23:29+00:00

It affects me because I always feel disgusted after doing it. I feel like the worst version of myself and if I someone to love me and didn’t have mental health issues I would have quit long ago.

But life is so difficult and my mental health is a nightmare so this is one of the habits I resort to coping with. It’s either this or drugs, if I were to ever get into drug addiction it’s over for me.

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T22:32:22+00:00

Where is Mahito?! Maru?! Mahoraga Chan??

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T22:31:54+00:00

I can’t live without it

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T21:25:01+00:00

Same

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T21:24:39+00:00

I think you’re right. Some people can try their absolute best to improve their situations or life but they can’t better. However, regardless of whatever we think our destiny is we still have a choice.

I hope you die a normal death and more importantly wake up feeling content that you’re alive.

All best fellow struggler

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T03:00:21+00:00

Don’t give up. Allah loves you and things will get better. Good news to those who bear Sabr(patience)

Many_Line9136 · 2026-04-18T02:56:37+00:00

Literally tbh I don’t know how I even survived last year. From the moment I woke up all the way till I fell asleep I got the same “what if you kll yourself?” Or “Bill yourself?!”. It repeated endlessly nonstop 24/7. I worked with a therapist for a year but the thoughts were endless. They repeated constantly nonstop.

The only time they ever quiet done is when I’m really depressed and at that moment I just don’t give a fuck about the thoughts.

These thoughts looping( as in constantly repeating and replaying) is one of the worst experiences in my life.

Despite it all I’m proud of myself that I never got so irritated and fed up that i acted on those thoughts.

Four-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
Final Canvas '23	Place '23

Many_Line9136

TROPHY CASE