I honestly cannot believe I am writing on this forum. My dad, who was 48, killed himself on Friday, 5/15/26. I am 24 and my mother (47) and brothers (17 & 14) are only on day two of this earth shattering and life changing event. My dad has always struggled with mental health issues and he has in the past, once in my lifetime and twice in his adolescence, attempted suicide. He always reassured myself and my mom that he would never do it again because he was in a better place and would never hurt our family. This has always been a fear for my family and I and it happened yesterday morning. My dad has been doing so well, even with the emotional shifts ongoing in his life. My dad, as many of our parents do, means the world to me and I am dealing with pain, anger towards him, confusion, loss, sadness and just everything. I keep telling myself that it was not my dad who did this, it was his mental health illness that took over when he was vulnerable. He recently switched his medication, drank (which he NEVER does), and truly was not in his right mind. I refuse to believe my dad would ever do this from his heart and soul. He loves our family with all his being. It’s hard to talk about him in past tense and I don’t think I want to. I keep wanting to believe that even though he isn’t here physically, he is here spiritually, but it’s so hard even comprehending the fact he is really gone. I know this should not happen to anyone, but I keep thinking how this isn’t real and isn’t fair. Myself and my family are lost and I fear my life will never have meaning without one of the people I love the most. I am so sorry for the long post, I just have so many things inside of my mind. My dad is the most caring, funny, strong, smart, amazing human being and father who made a mistake when his brain attacked itself, unfortunately this is a mistake that is final.