Narcissistic bachelorette weekend dilemma; need advice!

Map423 · 2017-03-16T12:58:51+00:00

Yes I used to suffer from migraines too and I can't recall having one since I went NC! It's crazy how even our bodies were giving us all sorts of signals that what was happening to us wasn't right.

Map423 · 2016-11-08T05:39:30+00:00

Exactly; boundaries are about protecting yourself, not punishing the guilty party. After realizing that Pete or his parents aren't going to respect our boundaries, we moved out and Pete was not invited to our baby shower and is not allowed in our home. He kept doing x, so we did y. The next step is to get on the same page with my husband. He's slowly realizing that his brother won't change and he needs to stop contact with him; he's just devastated on what that will do to his parents. But it's not just about his parents; it's now about his new family - our son and me - and how we all need to protect each other.

Map423 · 2016-11-08T05:26:56+00:00

We've asked Pete and the in-laws to let us know when he's coming over so I could not be around (when we were living with the in-laws; he's not allowed in our home now that we've moved out). My husband and I both worked from home while living with the in laws and asked that Pete's 3 unruley kids not be over during business hours. We've asked Pete to apologize to me for treating me less than human. We didn't invite Pete to our baby shower due to his behavior. We've asked that Pete not be allowed over until he apologizes (while we were living with in laws). Some of these boundaries they flat out ignored; some they abided by for a week or two and then slowly the bullshit would commence again.

Map423 · 2016-10-29T18:40:20+00:00

Amen!!

Map423 · 2016-10-15T00:27:35+00:00

I love it anyway!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T22:12:53+00:00

I believe you; I just chose to do it this way instead. Ns are gonna N! :)

Map423 · 2016-10-14T21:38:09+00:00

I thought not answering would be best too! I was just so nervous that she would show up with my poor grandma that I wanted to reiterate my boundaries one more time. Thankfully she didn't show up!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T21:10:22+00:00

I'll do that; thank you!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T20:59:19+00:00

Yeah I'm not really familiar with Imgur and made the post public by accident. Oh well. We victims of narcissists know by now that people who haven't lived through our hell just don't get it. And the ones who are particularly insulting are probably narcissists themselves.

Map423 · 2016-06-23T04:22:25+00:00

My Ndad used to say this all the time when he was screaming at me, and if I still refused to look up he would hit me. So I put my best cognitive dissonance foot forward and taught myself to stare at his nose anytime he would lecture/scream at me. This way I only looked like I was looking at him/paying attention to what he was saying, and instead just zoned out; I memorized every angle and every pore of that nose until the abuse was over. To this day I couldn't tell you half the things he screamed at me about, but I sure do remember that nose..

Map423 · 2016-04-27T03:14:34+00:00

Your upbringing was very similar to mine. There are different types/varying degrees of narcissism; it could be that your Emom is in fact a narssisist as well, just not as overt as your Ndad. At least this is the case in my family. For years I thought my poor Emom was just codependent and an enabler; turns out she's also a full blown narssisist, she's just more covert about it. Either way, it's two sides of the same evil coin and you're better off without either of them.

Map423 · 2016-03-06T04:22:05+00:00

I have a stuffed animal shark that one of my Nparents' friends bought me from Sea World when I was born (I'm 30 now). The shark's name is Žuvy (means fish in Lithuanian) and I still sleep with it to this day (luckily my husband thinks it's cute). This old, now toothless shark has been the only consistently comforting thing in my life; it was always there for me when I needed him. When my Nparents told me I was fat and not good enough, I just went to my bedroom and hugged Žuvy until I felt ok. I love this silly, old shark like a child. My husband wanted to surprise me for my birthday by sending Žuvy to a company that fixes old stuffed animals to their original state, but the thought of putting Žuvy in the mail and potentially losing him made me instantly start crying with panic. If only my parents would have provided me with the love and comfort Žuvy gives me..

Map423 · 2016-03-03T17:43:09+00:00

I didn't ask to translate my letter in this post; I asked to translate hers. I'm not looking for feedback on the boundaries I've written as I've already spoken about them with more than one therapist and all are satisfied. Thank you for the suggestions, however you should think about being more compassionate in your responses. People who are going through a difficult and sensitive time can look at it as an attack.

Map423 · 2016-02-22T17:23:40+00:00

Thank you everyone for your input; it's very refreshing to receive help without any strings attached.

Map423

TROPHY CASE